Chapter 10.

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There is melancholy in every beauty.

And in this case, Atsumu knows only one thing beautiful. Surely, that beauty always gives him melancholy. Enough to drive him crazy.

Atsumu’s in his car, waiting for Sakusa. He’s tapping his fingers on the wheel impatiently, he’s anxious. He doesn’t know why. He’s uncomfortable with driving now.

It’s stupid, because it has nothing to do with Hinata, but then, driving somehow reminds Atsumu of Hinata.

Everything, reminds Atsumu of Hinata.

A few moments passed until Atsumu hears a knock on his window, he looks, and finds Sakusa bending to peek. Atsumu quickly unlocks the door and apologizes for spacing out. Sakusa says he doesn’t mind.

They both look like sh*t. No kidding.

Sakusa notices the bouquet of flowers at the backseat. They were everlasting flowers. The perfect flowers for Shoyo.

It literally meant ‘golden sun’–personifically Hinata. Did he buy them knowing what they meant?

“So…” Atsumu stalls, not wanting to drive yet. His leg’s bouncing, Sakusa notices it and doesn’t say a word so that he wouldn’t pressure Atsumu.

He knows way too well about how Atsumu’s doing, he’s the worst in dealing with Hinata’s death.

He can see that, and he’s annoyed by it.

It shouldn’t be him! It shouldn’t be Atsumu! It should be…

Sakusa sighs, leaning his temple on the side window, his long fluffy hair acting as a pillow in between the space of the glass and his own skin.

“I’m sorry.” Atsumu apologizes again. “Let me just…” He exhales shakily. F*ck, f*ck, okay.

He doesn’t mind showing this side to Sakusa. Of course, over the years, an unbreakable bond has been built between the two.

Atsumu leans into the wheel, trying to calm down.

“Do the 5 things. The one Hinata taught us.” Sakusa says, closing his eyes because he couldn’t bear seeing Atsumu like this.

“5 things… Right. Right. Yeah, I can d… do that.” Atsumu’s hands are shaking, he tries to stop it. He exhales again, trying to calm down. 5 things. “H… how did it go again? In order.”

“5 things you can see.” Sakusa starts, “4 things you can feel.”

“3 things you can hear.” Atsumu continues, “2 things you can smell.”

“And one thing you can taste.” Sakusa finishes. “Now, do it.”

“Y… yeah, okay.”

Atsumu did the things in order, minding his own space. Little did he know that Sakusa was doing the same.

Well, Sakusa was way better at hiding his emotions than Atsumu.

He’s just… that kind of guy.

I can see Sakusa sitting beside me, the tree branches dancing with the wind, the leaves that fall from those very trees, and the children running around in the near playground.

I can feel my hand on the wheel, and how shaky it is. My breath on my upper lip, and the cold air coming from the air conditioning.

I can hear the quiet burring of the car engine, the tapping of my foot, and the indistinguishable noise coming from outside.

I can smell… the lemon scented air freshener given to me as a gift from Bokuto, and his own casual scented cologne.

And lastly… I can still taste the vague taste of coffee from this morning.

Atsumu looks up, his hands that trembled are starting to calm down. He exhaled again.

“Done, I think I’m okay.” Atsumu tries to smile and turns to look at Sakusa. Sakusa’s covering his face with his hand. “…are you okay?”

Sakusa doesn’t say a word, he just nods and waves his hand a little.

I won’t–shouldn’t pry. “Should I start driving?”

Sakusa nods again.

“Okay. Put your seatbelt on.”

Sakusa nods, yet again. He puts his seatbelt on with his other hand. Atsumu watches, and he bites his lip.

Kiyoomi is well aware that Atsumu just can’t go to Hinata’s grave alone. That’s why he was invited. Atsumu won’t be able to go home if he went alone.

Sakusa must have it pretty hard, too.

Sh*t. I haven’t even asked how he is. But… not now.

Atsumu faces forward and starts driving, he tries his very best to keep a clear mind.

Today, they’re going to visit Hinata.

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Enveloped by the urge of revenge, Tsukishima kept his head inside his hands. He breathed deeply, trying to bring it back to normal as he tried to calm himself down and to dismiss the loud static like noise ringing inside his head.

He presses his palms on his eyes, fingers slipping into blonde locks while he lets out a long sigh.

Shoyo, what do I do?

This is a question he asks himself every day. Every time he’s having a hard time. When he wakes up, finishes doing something, and when there’s even the slightest bit of inconsistency.

What do I do?

His thoughts repeat, again and again, until he finds himself starting to finally calm down. He sighed, shakily, before letting his hands fall down to his sides.

For the last time, he asked the cold air, and the emptiness but at the same time messiness, and the darkness that filled his room that was once clean, bright and tidy. The room that he once shared with the person who shined brighter than anyone.

What do I do?

He was pulled out from these thoughts as his phone vibrated.

Yamaguchi Tadashi: Tsukkiiii~

Yamaguchi Tadashi: Are you home? I bought new DVDs, shall we watch them together?

Kei types and replies,

Tsukishima Kei: What is the movie about?

Yamaguchi Tadashi: Dinosaurs of course.

Tsukishima reads the text from his friend, he’s about to reply when his doorbell rings.

“Don’t tell me…” Tsukishima squinted and walked to the door to check. Yamaguchi was standing outside, carrying a pizza box in one hand and a paper bag in the other.

Tsukishima opens the door, “Don’t just show up and text. There’s an order for these kinds of things.”

To this, Yamaguchi chuckles. “Sorry, Tsukki. I knew you were home anyways.”

Tsukishima walks over to open the gate for Yamaguchi, then they get in together.

“As if I can go out looking like sh*t.”

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