Chapter 11.

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Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sat on the cushioned floor, backs leaning on the sofa while they chewed on the pizza that tadashi brought. All eyes were stuck on the TV, and they haven't spoken properly since Yamaguchi came in.

Tsukishima didn't really care, he preferred the silence anyway. And he’s sure Yamaguchi noticed it, the heaviness of the atmosphere that Tadashi just invaded into with his DVDs and food. Yamaguchi probably doesn't know the right thing to say yet, he’s quietly chewing from his pizza slice while his eyes stayed on the TV, but they weren't focused on that. Instead, he was lost in his head, partially (nah, fully) panicking. Because sooner or later, he has to speak with Tsukishima.

Kei glances at his freckled friend and notices the sweat running down the side of his face.

Tsukishima sighs and grabs a piece of tissue to wipe his oily hands, “What is it?”

He’s the one to break the silence, it stuns Yamaguchi a little as he’s frozen on the floor. He swallows first before turning his body towards Tsukishima.

“...Hold on,” Yamaguchi sadly fails to think of something to say. The boy deflates, covering his face. “Don't know what to say yet.”

“You're such an idiot. Who did you catch that from?” Tsukishima doesn't want to look. “You don't have to say anything.”

“Yes, I do.” Yamaguchi sighed, getting up to sit on the sofa. He thought that it would be better for Tsukishima if they weren't talking face to face. “I want to know what happened.”

“Earlier?” Tsukishima takes his glass of juice, “Nothing, I just r--”

“That, and everything else.” Yamaguchi cuts Tsukishima off. “I'm your friend. And, I'm not really forcing you to tell me anything but I want to know because… I think, if I know about everything a little more, I could help you.”

“Help me with what exactly?”

“This. Your mourning. Your grieving.”

“You can't help me with this.”

“Then…” Yamaguchi looks down, “At least know that I'm always here to listen. Come on, Tsukki, you tell me things but never finish.”

“That’s because I'm not sure about the things I should tell you.” Tsukishima takes his glasses off to press on his eyes. “Drop it, Yamaguchi.”

“Tsukki,”

“Drop it. You're only pressuring me to talk.”

Yamaguchi falls silent. Their focus shifts back to the movie, as if nothing ever happened. A few minutes before the movie ends, they start talking again.

“The movie wasn't really nice, huh?” Yamaguchi starts, “I was hoping there would be character development or something.”

“Agreed. At least he died though.” Tsukishima says while his finger is tracing over his cup’s rim. “Anyway, I'm tired.”

“Should I go?” Yamaguchi gets up to start cleaning up, “You do look tired.”

“I don't mind if you stay overnight. Sleep here.” Tsukishima gets off the floor and takes the cups to the kitchen. “It’s already dark and the weather forecast said that it was going to rain tonight. It’s best if you stay here.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Yamaguchi collects all the used tissues and throws them into the empty pizza box before closing it. He follows Tsukishima to the kitchen to throw the box out. “I have classes in the morning so I’ll probably be out before 7.”

“Okay. Don’t wake me up.”

“Okay.”

Yamaguchi cleans his hands and dries them in the air, “Would it be fine if I asked you about him?”

“Depends on what you ask.”

“I just want to know more about him as… you know. How you saw him with your eyes.”

“So… you want me to tell you about him in my personal perspective?”

“Exactly.” Yamaguchi turns around the lean on the counter and faces Tsukishima, who’s in front of him now.

“Well... He was perfect.”

“...perfect, huh?”

Yamaguchi looks at Tsukishima, the blonde’s looking down on the floor while he’s biting his lip. There was a glint in Kei's eyes. As if he was remembering how Shoyo looked.

“Is that all?” Yamaguchi leaves the kitchen to go back to the living room. “You know, nevermind. Just tell me about Hinata. Anything about him is fine.”

“What do you even want to know about him? I mean, you already know him. You were close with him during high school, right?” Yamaguchi hears from behind, along with some light footsteps.

“Well, we messed around a lot, we had sleepovers, but we never really talked about anything serious.” Yamaguchi is trailing, “Yeah, friends, but we weren't close.”

Not as close as you guys...

“I just.” Yamaguchi sighs and sits down on the sofa, the movie’s still rolling credits and there's quiet background music playing. “Dunno...” he shrugs. “Maybe if I knew him more, I would be able to kind of understand how everyone else is feeling.”

“I know what happened to him only because you told me, but yeah, not the whole story--which is okay. I actually wanted to hear it from him personally as well but then…”

“We weren't exactly close to begin with, like I said. I just thought about it recently and I really should've spent more time with him.”

Yamaguchi’s babbling when Tsukishima turned the CD player off and switched the TV to the local channel. As usual, it’s on the volleyball channel. It’s a replay, and if Tsukishima remembers correctly, after this game is going to be MSBY against some team that came from the west.

Despite knowing that, he leaves it on. Yamaguchi’s still talking, he doesn't really take in any of it since what Tadashi wants to say has already reached him--he finds the babbling and the muttering unnecessary.

Somehow, it’s unsettling. For Tsukishima. For obvious reasons, he’s not the right person for this, he thinks. He sees himself undeserving of saying anything about Shoyo.

He doesn't really know what to say.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima stops his friend from speaking any further. “You know, like you said to me before, there’s no use in regretting things that are already done.”

“Tsukki…”

“I'm sorry.” Tsukishima rubs his nape, “I'm really tired. Just... Next time.”

“...right.” Yamaguchi smiles, “Right. Sorry. I won't press it further.”

“Just set up the guest room, there’s new covers in the closet.”

“Okay.”

“Good night.”

“Yep. Good night.” Yamaguchi smiles again, and watches Tsukishima disappear to the room. And just like that, their conversation ends. He gets up and turns the TV off, then proceeds to the guest room to rest since he has classes in the early morning tomorrow.

Like how Tsukishima instructed, he gets new covers to put on the bedding. He just places it over neatly, he doesn't really replace it because he’s become too lazy.

He’s about to look for pillow cases when he finds a few clothes that belonged to Hinata.

Tsukishima probably has more in his closet… Hinata stayed over often. It was given that the boy had a lot of homes, a lot of people took care of him after all.

Yamaguchi takes one hoodie out, it’s oversized in a dark shade of powder blue. It’s a little too big for Hinata but Yamaguchi knows that Shoyo liked it like that.

Oversized clothing was a thing for him. Maybe it was a short people thing.

Yamaguchi sighs. But then, it could belong to Tsukishima. If Hinata wore this, it’d probably reach his lower thighs. Maybe even his knees.

It smells like mothballs and old fabric conditioner, something about it feels nice. Yamaguchi folds it and puts it back to really look for pillow cases.

After finishing with fixing the bed, the boy lies down with a thump. He lets out a long sigh and gets his phone to set an alarm for the next morning, and while doing so, he receives a text from the person in the next room.

Tsukishima Kei: Hey. I'm sorry.

Yamaguchi taps on it to reply, but Tsukishima’s typing so he doesn't reply just yet.

Tsukishima Kei: Sorry I didn't listen to your ranting earlier. Sorry I cut you off, too. I know you're doing this to try and help me and you didn't deserve to be shut down like that… you said you miss Shoyo, and regret a few things but… everyone feels that way.

Tsukishima Kei: And I'm not in a place to say this because I'm not my best, even after a whole 3 months already.

Tsukishima Kei: Even so, I do want to talk about him, yeah, but not now. I'm not ready to talk about him yet. I will, soon, with you. And by then, I’ll try my best to help you too.

Tsukishima Kei: You wanted to hear about my personal view of Shoyo right?

Tsukishima Kei: All I can say right now is that he was an angel that we didn't really deserve to have in our lives.

Tsukishima Kei: I also blame myself for his death. Mainly because I know in myself that I could've done better.

Tsukishima Kei: Did you know? I was the first one.

Tsukishima Kei: The first one he told about what Kageyama did.

Tsukishima Kei: He’s heaven sent. He’s too precious to exist along with us. Shoyo’s too kind for his own good.

Tsukishima Kei: Someone wrongs him. And he forgives them. Just like that.

Tsukishima Kei: The world is f*cking messed up.

Tsukishima Kei: Shoyo shouldn't be kind like that.

Tsukishima Kei: I hate him for being like that.

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