Chapter 5.

...■■■...

Hinata’s entry on January 2019 was something that Tobio had read thrice. It was longer than most of Shoyo’s entries.

Kageyama thought he’d remember what he did to Hinata if he kept reading it.

...“It was 2 AM when you suddenly called me out to go out and drink with you. You sounded so sad, and it was obvious from your voice that you’ve been crying. You said that you wanted to get drunk and drink until late afternoon, and it being you, how could I refuse?”...

...“Sure, it was rare for me to at this time and especially when I already went to sleep… but… you’re just one of the very few exceptions.”...

...“You apologized for waking me up and bothering me.”...

...“And I said that it was okay, since I didn’t have practice later, and that being with you didn’t bother me.”...

...“If anything, I like your company the best. You chuckled at my remark, and I never wished so badly for something--I wish I saw you right then and there, I wish I saw how you smiled, or how your cheeks would redden like usual.”...

...“I met up with you later on at your home, and you reeked of alcohol.”...

...“You were sad for some unknown reason. You wouldn’t tell me no matter how much I asked, but I kinda got an idea that it was because of me. I’m not assuming though. LOL.”...

...“You looked like a kid who didn’t get their toy, or who missed their parents so badly. I don’t know which, but… yeah…”...

Kageyama remembers being miserable because Atsumu finally made a move on Hinata, and that they’re sort of going out.

He didn’t know why he called, Hinata was on speed dial, for one, and the boy was the only think in his mind, two, and three, he just wanted to see Hinata so badly.

He was actually surprised that the boy agreed and stayed until Kageyama woke up.

...“You fell asleep in 2 hours, and I couldn’t help but feel bad.”...

...“…whatever.”...

...“It was a complete hassle, cleaning over you. The empty beer cans and bottles of alcohol--, the bags of chips and crumbs lying everywhere… you’re so messy!”...

...“But, I don’t mind. If this is how you’re going to get better or heal--I don’t mind.”...

...“I hope you get back on your feet soon.”...

...“Hope the next person you fall in love with won’t do this to you. Or better yet, just don’t fall in love with anyone…”...

...“I want to be selfish with you, or when it comes to you, even when we’re just friends. But I’m fine. Like this, I’ll take care of you as much as I can. And I’ll guide you, and I’ll protect you. I’ll give you everything you need… just be happy, hmm?”...

...“Even when I belong to someone else… you know that a part of me will always belong to you. I’ll always love you, Bakageyama.”...

...“*You didn’t pull any f*ckery today. That’s good*. :)”...

...“Atsumu-san’s against me meeting with you, especially when you’re drunk.”...

...“I understand how he feels. I’m stupid myself, and I can’t help but meet you even after all the pain you made me go through.”...

...“I’m a fool, aren’t I?”...

...“Well, not that it matters. You won’t be able to read this anyway.”...

“I’m reading it, Hinata you dumb*ss.”

Tobio closed his eyes as he felt it become dry from reading too much. He drapes over a blanket on his legs before looking at his phone that kept on buzzing earlier.

He eyed the time.

...10:16 AM...

Sugarawr: Guys! Are any of you free today?

Rolling Noya: what’s up?

Sugarawr: My classes were canceled and I just want to eat with you guys haha.

Eysu: I’m free!

Rolling Noya: You always are

Eysu: hahaha

Sugarawr: Nice! anyone else?

Floating Freckles: Tsukki and me!

Thigh-chi: I’m free so I’m gonna go.

Stingyshima: Ugh.

Thigh-chi: Come on Tsukishima!

Stingyshima: Fine.

I’m Not Bald: I’m going. Where are we meeting up? I’m going to ask Kiyoko.

YeahNoShita: I can’t make it, busy today. Have fun!

Sugarawr: Okay, you too Ennoshita.

Sugarawr: I’ll send the location and let’s meet there in 11:30?

Kageyama checks the time, it’s been almost 20 minutes since the last text.

With his phone still in hand, he stares at the ceiling. Sunlight spills through the small spaces in between the silk curtains.

Should I go?

It’s a chance to ask Sugawara-san or Tsukishima.

Will I make it in time?

Kageyama sighs. Then his phone vibrates. His eyes returns to the screen.

Sugarawr: Kageyama. Are you coming?

Kageyama thinks for a little. On their last gathering, Tsukishima walked out on him. Who knows what he will do today?

The King: If its okay.

Sugarawr: Of course. You’re always welcome.

Stingyshima: Is he? lol

Sugarawr: Hush now. We’ll see you in a bit! I’m already near BTW.

Kageyama gets up, ignoring Tsukishima’s text as he replies saying that he’s going to get ready. He washes up quickly and just wore a plain white tee and jeans. He brought his phone and wallet, then left home to go to the restaurant Sugawara talked about.

He goes without a plan. He doesn’t know what to do yet.

Should he ask? If he will, how? And once he knows, what will he do?

He takes slow and small steady steps, his thoughts drift, he asks himself questions, he tries to remember.

It’s all blank.

Just what the f*ck did I do to make that salt so angry at me?

“D*mn.” He clicks his tongue. “I don’t have dementia or anything, right?”

He hopes not, but thinks about getting a check up.

Without realizing, he arrives at his destination. He looks inside before entering. He finds Sugawara waving at him from inside.

He walks in, telling the person at the entrance that his friends are inside.

The lady smiles and welcomes him, handing him a menu before letting him proceed.

Everyone’s there already. Most of them say hi, Kageyama just smiles and lowered his head a little before sitting down in the last vacant seat.

“Check the menu so we can order.” Sugawara says, taking a sip of his water. “Glad you could make it! Thought you were sleeping.”

“Sorry. I was busy.”

“What were you up to?” Tanaka asks, tapping his finger on the menu’s cover out of habit. “We haven’t heard from you since last time. Are you okay?”

“Yes. Thank you for asking.” Kageyama laughs, just because.

Of course, he’s not. He still hasn’t figured out why Hinata…

He opens the menu and scans the different meals and appetizers. He just went with whatever was healthy and lemonade.

They all ordered and waited. Talking in the process.

“Daichi, how’s work?” Asahi asks, fixing his bun. “Is it busy?”

“Most of the time.” Daichi lets out an exhausted sigh, planting his elbow on the table to rest his chin on his palm. “Sometimes it’s hectic, sometimes it’s quiet.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yeah. But of course I enjoy volleyball more.”

“Naturally.”

They all chuckled and catched up. Tsukishima and Kageyama are the only ones quiet, Sugawara notices this and does his best to not let anyone notice.

Inside he’s a little panicked. He feels that, sooner or later, Tsukishima’s going to start something.

He knows that Tsukishima knows, that Kei knows way more than himself.

After all, it was them who met up more. It’s difficult for Koushi and Hinata to meet. Their schedules just don’t align.

Anyway, who could keep the moon from the sun?

Sugawara noticed before that Tsukishima tends to follow Hinata around after being told about the incident. Like a knight, or a bodyguard.

Or the moon. Always in and out of the sun’s circle.

It’s almost adorable, how Tsukishima changed around Hinata.

He’s become more expressive. He worries a lot, he checks on Hinata often and even travels from his dorm to Hinata’s just so that they could play and practice volleyball.

Koushi wishes he could have done the same.

Yamaguchi finally notices Kei’s silence, and with a straight face, he hits his salty long time friend with his elbow. Then he whispered, “Get it together, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, twisting a small portion of his pasta with his fork and putting it into his mouth.

He chewed, slowly, trying his best not to spit the contents in his mouth towards Kageyama.

He swallowed it, lucky Kageyama. Succeeding. Until everyone’s done eating.

The others leave first because they have things to do. Daichi went back to his post, Tanaka had to go get groceries, Yamaguchi had classes, Asahi had to meet up with some friends.

Outside, Suga, Tsukishima and Kageyama stood. Koushi eyed the two, thinking of what to say.

He needed to say something that would calm Tsukishima down, and something to assure Kageyama of something.

Just, something.

Sugawara doesn’t know what to say to him now that there’s no one else around.

“I don’t want to stay with someone with the likes of him.” Tsukishima said with his usual tone, pushing his glasses up and putting his earphones on. “I have practice later. But, Suga-san, I want to talk to you about something.”

Tsukishima is the first to talk, it takes Koushi by surprise, but only for a little bit. He can’t blame Tsukishima for being like this. And he’s just being himself. His usual honest self.

“About what?” Koushi asked, clearing his throat. This doesn’t feel good. He already knows what it’s about.

“About Shoyo. Let’s go.” Tsukishima walks off, not bothering to bat an eye or even a simple wave towards Kageyama.

“Uh, right.” Suga grips Kageyama’s shoulder, “I’ll see you around, Kageyama.”

Koushi follows behind Tsukishima, sighing inwardly. The blonde walked quickly, like as if he was being chased. But it was obvious that the reason behind this is just that he doesn’t want to breathe the same air as Tobio’s.

“Hey. What’s with you?” Sugawara catches up, grabbing Tsukishima’s arm. “Where are we headed?”

“Anywhere. Just far from that piece of sh*t.”

“Jesus, Tsukishima.”

“You know I can’t help it.”

“At least we’ve confirmed that he really doesn’t remember anything.”

“It was a drunken act. Of course, he doesn’t remember.” Tsukishima combs his hair up, “He probably can’t even remember what he had for breakfast, what more if it’s something when he’s intoxicated.”

“Leniency.” Koushi says first and is about to speak again, but is cut off by Kageyama, who suddenly pulls the two by their arms.

“The f*ck–!” Tsukishima shoves the hand off, shooting a dreadful glare towards Kageyama.

“Tell me!” Kageyama grips Koushi’s arm, face lowering and voice pitching. “Tell me what it is that I did!”

“What the actual f*ck.”

“Kageyama,” Sugawara tries to remove Kageyama’s hold, but he’s only held tighter. “C-calm down.”

“Tell me!”

Tsukishima stepped forward, and right now, he wanted to kick and throw Kageyama into the nearest river.

Instead, he pulled the boy’s collar up, so that he could see him eye to eye. “Figure it out yourself, you d*ck.”

Tsukishima decides to land a punch.

The force drives Kageyama away, so Tsukishima just lets go of the boy’s collar.

He clicks his tongue, wiping his hands on his jeans as if it got dirty because of touching Kageyama.

Even touching him disgusts me, Kei thought.

“Tsukishima, calm down! D*mn.” Sugawara gives Kageyama a helping hand, he gets the boy back up and lets go. “Kageyama, today’s not the perfect time.”

“What do you mean, not the perfect time? Does the perfect time even exist?” Tobio wipes the blood from the cut on his lips.

“It doesn’t, f*ck you. Get out of my sight.” Kei hisses before putting on his earphones back.

Tsukishima starts to walk away, Koushi chases after him, giving a half meant apology to Kageyama before doing so. Kageyama watches the two walk away and slowly blur into the background, along with the space up ahead.

Kageyama squints, holding his head.

“What is it that I did to make you two hate me so much?”

Honestly, Kageyama couldn’t care less if Tsukishima suddenly disappeared from his life. But the way they’re acting, and knowing that he did something wrong…

Kageyama doesn’t know how to explain what he’s feeling but he knows he has to fix it.

He has to find out, and apologize to everyone.

If he finds out that Hinata died because of him…–

He doesn’t know what’ll happen. He doesn’t want to know. But he’s sure he’s going to end up disposing of himself as well.

F*ck, despite that–he chases after the two again.

“Hey! Wait!”

The two don’t stop walking, nor bat an eye. Kageyama feels so small.

“Sugawara-san, please tell me.”

“Please?”

“I’m begging you, please tell me what I did wrong and I’ll try to fix it!”

Tsukishima stops in his tracks, finally turning. Koushi holds the boy’s hand to keep him from lashing out again. Tsukishima’s face has gone all red, because of all the anger he’s holding in.

The blonde takes deep breaths, massaging his temple with his free hand.

“Look, you f*ck, there’s nothing you can do. Fix? Bullsh*t. He’s dead.”

“Am I the cause… of his…?”

“D*mn right.”

“Tell me. What I did.” Kageyama got on his knees, head lowered. “Tell me what I don’t remember.”

“No. Live like this, suffer.”

“Tsukishima…” Sugawara tuggs Tsukishima's sleeves, trying to calm him down, though he knows he can't.

“Shoyo… might have forgiven you.” Tsukishima bites his lip, balling his hand into a fist.

He’s so furious. So mad that he could punch a wall and not care.

“God may have forgiven you. With all these blessings you’re getting. God probably has forgiven you.”

“…what are you saying…?”

“But I won’t. I hope you rot in hell.”