Chapter 15.

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“Tsumu...?” Hinata opened the door to his boyfriend’s dorm, peeking his head to check on the boy. The room is cold and dark. The only light source that existed came from Hinata's back, or from the door's creak. “I'm back.” Hinata doesn't get a response, so he gets in quietly and walks to Atsumu’s bed. Atsumu’s covering himself with the blankets. “Are you sleeping, Tsum?”

Atsumu groans, pulling the blankets down so he could see Hinata. He’s squinting, sweaty and out of breath. “Hey, baby…” Seeing his boyfriend automatically makes him sigh a breath of relief. He wants to pull the boy in and hug him forever in silence.

But then, he smelled like someone else. And that made Atsumu fight off the urge to pull the boy into the tightest hug ever.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Hinata sits down next to Atsumu’s torso, leaning into Atsumu’s face to check his temperature. Shoyo makes his forehead touch with the other's, and Atsumu's skin burning. “Atsumu, you're sick!”

“Yeah… I know, I had a slight fever when I woke up today.” Atsumu closes his eyes, relaxing into Hinata’s cold hand. “How was your day?” His hands make their way to Hinata's arms so that the boy would stay in place. With them, close like that, it doesn't make sense, but it made Atsumu feel better already. But of course, that's just his brain doing it's thing.

“That doesn't matter!” Hinata clicks his tongue, starting to regret that he went out with Tsukishima. “Why didn't you tell me? You're so hot..!” Hinata gently shoved his boyfriend's hands off to stand up.

Shoyo gets off the bed and dashed to the closet, then to the bathroom. He prepares a warm damp towel for his Atsumu, then gets medicine from the cabinet in the bathroom. "Oh, wait, did you eat?”

“No.”

“The heck is wrong with you?!” Hinata grumbles, returning to Atsumu’s side to put the towel on their forehead. He combs Atsumu’s hair up with his fingers, then he puts the towel there. “I should've stayed and took care of you… why didn't you tell me?”

Hinata's voice is quiet, regretful and somehow pained. Atsumu doesn't understand that kind of voice of Hinata's. Which one was it? Regretful or in pain? What would he be regretting? Why would he be in pain?

“I didn't want to ruin your plans.” Atsumu smiles and holds Hinata’s hands, “And I didn't think I’d get sick, it was just a headache earlier.”

“Still!” Hinata raises his voice at Atsumu, “You should've told me. Now look at you…”

“I'm fine, baby.” Atsumu giggled and pulls Hinata’s hand close to his lips, kissing it gently. “Tell me about your day…”

“Nothing much happened… we just stayed in a cafe since it was raining…” Hinata trailed, looking down on Atsumu and his rosy cheeks. The redness of it wasn't very obvious because it was dark still. The only light that helped them were the one coming from the bathroom. “Even your hands are hot. You should shower first, I’ll help you.” It's Hinata's turn to kiss Atsumu's hands, so he brings them to his face, kissing Atsumu's fingers then blowing on them. "Why is my baby sick..."

“Don't wanna…” Atsumu shakes his head, chuckling because of what Hinata whispered, “I'm also not hungry.”

“Then what?” Hinata sighed, “You have to drink med--”

“All I need is a hug from my favorite person.”

The two look at each other. Atsumu’s smirking weakly while Hinata lifts a brow, letting go of Atsumu's hands to cross his arm as he tilted his head a little to the side. Atsumu laughs.

“...stupid.”

“So, are you going to hug me or not?” Atsumu pouts.

“Be thankful that you're sick.” Hinata pouted as well, and this made Atsumu giggle and open his arms. Hinata adjusts first before leaning in again to hug his boyfriend. “Because if not, I would’ve left the room already.”

A minute later, Hinata’s already beside Atsumu and also under the covers. “You feel so warm…”

“And you feel so cold.” Atsumu breathes, hiding his face into Hinata’s neck. “It feels nice.”

“Sorry I left today… I should've paid more attention to you.” Hinata kisses Atsumu’s cheek, holding the towel so that it would stay on the latter’s forehead. “I should--”

“Don't mind me baby.” Atsumu stops Hinata, “This is just for today. My job’s to take care of you.”

“And my job’s to take care of you, too!” Hinata cuts in, “We’re a couple… I'm sorry that I've been so…”

“It’s okay, don't be sorry.” Atsumu shifts so he could look Hinata in the eye. “I don't care if you leave to go to Kenma, or Kei, or I don't know, anyone. As long as it makes you feel better, I don't care…”

“Tsumu, don't you ever get jealous?”

Atsumu shakes his head, “No, why would I get jealous? I know that I’m the one you love… that’s all that matters to me.”

“Doesn't it bother you when…”

“Like I said, I don't care.” Atsumu kisses Hinata’s nose, “I'm not the only person that exists in your world, and your life doesn't revolve around me. I know better, I'm not Kageyama.”

“R… right.” Hinata purses his lips and nods. “Yeah. Sorry. It’s not like--”

“Shhhh.” Atsumu pinches Hinata’s cheek. “Stop worrying.”

“Okay… sorry.” Hinata comes closer, frowning a little as he buried his face. “I love you…”

“I love you, too.” Atsumu whispered, kissing Hinata’s hair. “Don't think about unimportant things.”

“To be honest, I'm kind of more relieved when you're with someone else. Because sometimes I don't know what to say. And sometimes I doubt that I have the right words. So a lot of times, I'm scared of saying the wrong things, and that I could f*ck up and mess things.”

“That's why you being with Kei, Kenma and Omi, it doesn't bother me… If anything, I feel better because I know you're in the right hands.”

“You know me. I'm not the best when it comes to making people feel better. I'm used to pissing people off.”

Hinata laughs quietly.

“So… stop worrying. And you do you. Because I don't own you, I'm your boyfriend, but I shouldn't be restricting you or anything. I should be pushing you to be a greater person…”

“Yep.”

Atsumu’s not lying. He knows better than anyone. He knows Hinata doesn’t trust him the way he trusts Tsukishima, or Kenma, or Sakusa or Sugawara.

And he’s fine with that, like he said, but sometimes he feels like he’s failing as a boyfriend for the latter. In his head, he thinks that it should be him who Hinata finds most comfort in.

He thinks that if anything happens to Shoyo, it should be him who finds out first, or who Hinata goes to first.

He’s a little bitter because he knows he’s always second. Sometimes third, or even forth. He’s always second to Tsukishima.

And again, he’s bitter, but he’s okay with that. Hinata’s known Tsukishima for longer, and… Atsumu doesn’t know how to put it--knowing Hinata, he trusts Kei the most because they knew each other since highschool, and Hinata’s mentioned that Tsukishima was always checking on him while he was in Brazil.

…Brazil.

Hinata was on the other side of the world, playing beach volleyball, alone, and eventually with Oikawa, all Atsumu knows is that he was well known there. While… Tsukishima probably knows everything.

Atsumu hates that, but he’s fine with it. However, there are just some times when he thinks that it’s Tsukishima who should be the ‘boyfriend’ and not him.

It’s given. He’s jealous. He just denies that fact, or that he just claims that he isn’t. Because if he did say that he was jealous, that wouldn't help Shoyo in any way. It would probably be a root to problems, and it could eventually break or lessen the trust Hinata’s built with Atsumu.

Atsumu grew to keep quiet about how he feels because he doesn’t want to be a burden to his boyfriend. He’d want to be everything to his boyfriend, just not a burden.... in reality, he’s insecure. Because he knows he’s not perfect and that he knows Hinata the least.

--A little undeserving, actually.

When next to Tsukishima, he knows that Hinata would pick the latter over him. And he accepts that.

Actually… he’s sure that if Kei asked Hinata out, the boy would immediately say yes. When… for Atsumu, it took some time.

He’s used to being in the dark. He’s used to being the second option, despite being a couple with Hinata. He feels like he’s just convenient to keep around. Because everyone knows he’d do anything for Hinata. Not in an obsessive way, but like… in a way to get the boy’s approval, and to let Shoyo know that he’d literally do anything for him.

Hinata tightens his hug around Atsumu. “I kinda like the sick Atsumu. He’s all honest and sweet.”

“Whatever.” Atsumu rolls his eyes.

“But you should really eat so that you can drink medicine.”

“Don't care, you're all I need. Like…” Atsumu hums. “Like you're my own special paracetamol.”

“Pfft. Shut up and get better.”

“Okay.” Atsumu places his chin on Hinata’s head. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“A whole lot.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you love me, too?”

“Are you an idiot? Of course, I do.”

“Say I love you back.”

“You’re like a kid, you know that?”

“....yeah. Now, say it back.”

“I love you, Tsumu-idiot.”

“Woah…” Atsumu snickers. “I feel better already.”

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Atsumu wakes up with a thumping headache, he doesn't get up just yet. His body feels like sh*t. He rolls to his side, looking over the bedside table to check the time. Beside the digital clock was a picture frame of him and Hinata on their first date.

“Good morning, Shoyo.”

Atsumu shivers, feeling the cool morning air mixing with the air conditioning. He brings the blankets up to his neck to save himself from the cold, he closes his eyes again. It’s just a little over 11, and it’s a weekend so there’s not much to do.

He tries to go back to sleep but the headache’s keeping him from slumber. He needs his paracetamol. He opens his eyes and squints at the ceiling, he curses, wanting to get rid of his head so that he could go back to dreamland.

Since he can’t, he reaches for his phone and texts Sakusa.

Atsugerm: dude are u up?

Sakusa replies after a while.

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Yes. Why?

Atsugerm: Did you have lunch already?

Atsugerm: I'm hungry. Let's eat together.

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Ok.

Atsugerm: Great. I'll see u at the cafeteriaa.

Atsugerm: I'll also ask Bokkun.

Sakusa Kiyoomi: K.

Atsumu messages Bokuto next, the boy doesn’t respond until Atsumu’s finished showering and is already getting dressed.

Bokuto Beeeeeaaaam: AYOOOOO

Bokuto Beeeeeaaaam: JWU

Bokuto Beeeeeaaaam: I'M HUNGRY TOO LEZ EAT AT THE CAFETERIA

Miya Atsumu: Yes, good morning Bokkun. We’ll wait for you.

Bokuto Beeeeeaaaam: OKIIII I WON'T TAKE LONG!!

Atsumu finishes fixing his shirt, so he’s now brushing his hair. The headache’s still there, getting worse by the minute. He doesn’t really mind it since he’s used to ignoring such things.

That’s just it, he’s used to putting himself last all the time because of Hinata. Now his first priority is everyone else’s state. Especially Bokuto and Sakusa.

He pockets his phone and a paracetamol, pouting as he grabs a mask from the drawer and walks out, going to the cafeteria to meet Sakusa and wait for Bokuto.

He trudged his way to the cafeteria, eyes on the floor while his mind flew around in the clouds. By the entrance, he’s greeted by Sakusa and they looked for a table together.

They waited for Bokuto so that they can get their food together. After all, the two know that Koutarou doesn’t really like being left out; even when it’s just getting food.

“Come on! Let’s go get our food first.” Bokuto says, the moment he arrives. The two nods and gets up from the table. They got their food and went back to their table to finally start eating.

“Sorry, did you two wait long?” Bokuto asks, placing his tray down before sitting. “Akaashi called while I was getting dressed. So I got distracted.”

“It’s okay, Bokkun. Let’s just eat.” Atsumu smiles and removes his mask.

“Ah, right. Why’re you wearing a mask?” Sakusa asks, spritzing alcohol on his hands before touching the chopsticks.

“Oh. It’s just that I think I’m coming down with a fever, no big deal.” Atsumu sighs and picks his chopsticks up.

No more Shoyo to take care of me...

“Make sure to drink medicine.” Sakusa says before he digs in.

“Yeah....”

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