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[Haikyuu!!] Hiraeth

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Chapter 6.

...■■■...

Tobio was completely disoriented as he shut the door of his room.

He didn’t even greet his mother as he entered the entrance, he just went straight to his room.

“Shoyo… might have forgiven you.”

“God may have forgiven you. With all these blessings you’re getting. God probably has forgiven you.”

“But I won’t. I hope you rot in hell.”

Tobio lets out a frustrated sigh. Just what did Tsukishima mean with that?

Just what did Kageyama do to make the blonde so furious?

He started hitting is head against the door, trying to remember every memory he had of Shoyo.

Kageyama remembers his last conversation with Hinata. He remembers it far too well. That was the memory he would never forget. Never.

They were arguing, shouting at each other with their own voices cracking. Hinata had tears streaming down his face but he didn’t sob. Kageyama clenched Hinata’s collar, glaring at him with eyes welling.

--“Leave me the f*ck alone. Don’t come near me anymore.”

Those were his last words for Hinata.

And Hinata’s last words for him were:

“If that’s what you want, fine. I’m not going to chase you anymore. I’m done with you, this is over.”

And just like that, Hinata shoved Kageyama’s hands off and walked away.

Kageyama didn’t think that that would be the end. He didn’t think that those hurtful exchange of words would be the last.

How could it be?

He hoped that he would be able to make up with Hinata. But what can he do now? It’s too late.

He tried hitting his head to remember what he did to Hinata to make him… commit s*icide…

Just what… did I do…?

Despite all of the stray thoughts in his head, he reached out for the drawer beside his bed and pulls out Hinata’s diary.

It was the only thing that can help him, he hoped.

He turned it to it’s pages, he was already at the 15th page, it was a little stuffed. The pages had spaces in between, a few were crumpled, like they were wet and dried.

Are those dried tears?

Mind wandering again, all his senses slowly started to fade.

All he hears is his shallow breathing. It’s suddenly quiet, so his heartbeat joins the rhythmic sound of breaths. All at once, Kageyama feels that he’s alone in the world. It’s dark, there’s nothing he can see but himself.

It was ridiculous.

It was never like this, at least, whenever Hinata was around. Hinata is a light, after all. His name literally means the sun, he himself is the very sun.

He’s warm, bright and cozy. Like the sun. Or a thick blanket made of the best fabric to exist. Like a walking heat pack. A humanified kotatsu.

Even his voice, though a little pitched, but it was never annoying. If anything, Hinata’s voice is comforting. Like a powerful force that meant ‘you can do it’, or something… Like a song that tells you that everything is okay…

Then his eyes. His umber eyes that could see through you like glass or read you like a book. Those deep brown orbs, that when you get the chance to stare into–you’ll feel lost and the only thing that could pull you back is his own voice.

It’s batsh*t crazy.

How Hinata messes up the ways of how Kageyama functions. And everyone else’s.

He’s a troublemaker, but at the same time, he creates peace and doesn’t even realize it…

Hinata is the very embodiment of chaos to Kageyama.

Kageyama doesn’t want to think further of the boy. It only makes his heart is hurt, and his chest is beginning to feel heavy.

He hates himself for not being able to make Hinata smile at least, until the last moment they saw each other.

He once more started to recollect his memories. This time, he tried remembering the day when Hinata last came to his apartment.

...■■■...

“Oh, you’re awake?” Kageyama faintly hears from his side. He tried to turn his head to look, but couldn’t because his head was heavy and throbbing. He squeezed his lids closed, unwelcoming the light that met with his eyes.

He cursed inwardly, regretting all those dumb decisions he made just a few hours ago.

I shouldn’t have chugged all that beer…

He covers his face with his hand, but leaves spaces in between his fingers so that he could finally turn and look at the person beside him. For a second, he wondered who it was, until he realized that there could only be one person that’s by his side right now.

Hinata.

Their eyes met, and Hinata’s expression is a little bitter.

But despite that, he’s glowing. He’s standing there, literally, just standing there… and yet, he looks so stunning.

The sunlight that spilled through the curtains complimented his features, making him look even more ethereal. F*ck.

Right here and now, Kageyama feels blessed. But at the same time, cursed. He wishes that he could stop time, because seeing Hinata here, like this, he could never get tired of it. Ever.

“You’re still here?” Kageyama asks, massaging his temples.

“Kageyama, you really need to stop drinking.” Hinata sighed, eyes on his phone. He was typing away and Kageyama was wondering who it was he was talking with, or what he was doing.

It’s probably Atsumu… that b*stard.

The only reason why Kageyama drank all that alcohol yesterday was because… Hinata’s… Atsumu…

Kageyama has a hard time accepting it, but Atsumu finally asked Hinata out.

He just couldn’t accept that Hinata has moved on from him, that he’s happy because of someone else, and that the smile on his face isn’t caused by Kageyama anymore, but caused by someone else.

The thought alone makes Kageyama groan in irritation.

This made Hinata look, he puts his phone down on the desk and walks towards Kageyama. He keeps his space, as if careful of something, he reaches for Kageyama’s forehead to check if there’s a fever. It isn’t likely, but he just wanted to make sure.

“My head’s killing me.” Kageyama makes an excuse.

“You don’t have a fever, it’s just hangover.”

The hand against Kageyama’s forehead is cold. It’s comforting, like a cool towel. Kageyama wants to lean into it, and he does his best not to. Thankfully, Hinata withdraws his hand before Kageyama does anything he’ll regret.

Hinata takes Kageyama’s arm and helps him sit up, with his other hand, he fixes the pillows so that Kageyama could lean on them comfortably while sitting.

“Wait here, I made porridge. Eat that, then take the meds I placed on your bedside table. They’re just painkillers and vitamins, it’s been raining a lot, so watch over yourself.” Hinata said, trailing off as he walked out of the room. His voice became fainter and fainter every second that went by.

He returns with a tray that had a bowl of the porridge he made, utensils and a glass of cold water. He hands it to Kageyama, and the boy accepts it carefully.

He’s still keeping his space.

It reminds Kageyama of recent days, or weeks. Every time they would see each other at the court or anywhere, Hinata would always seem to be avoiding him. Kageyama assumes that he’s just overthinking it, because if it were to be true--Hinata wouldn’t be standing here, caring for him.

“Finish that, okay?” Hinata gets his phone from the table, typing away again.

“Yes, thanks.” Kageyama takes a spoonful.

“The meds are there, don’t forget them. I had Atsumu pick them up because I don’t know where your medicines are put.”

“Bathroom drawer.”

“Right.” Hinata pauses, disregarding the info. “I need to go now because Atsumu’s taking me somewhere.”

“Okay…”

Don’t go.

“Give him my thanks, you two have fun… Sorry for making you take care of me, Hinata.”

“It’s nothing.” Hinata smiles, getting his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Anyway, see you. Take care.”

“Yeah. Thanks again.”

Hinata smiles and hesitantly pats Kageyama’s head. Then he turns, don’t go, and starts to walk away.

Kageyama watches Hinata and his eyes stayed on the doorframe until he hears the front door’s click.