Episode 9

Catherine Howland:

^[16 years old]^

One might think the heart is honorable and kind, or at least, I did when I would bask in the glow of fairytale stories with happily ever afters before I realized the depth of my affection for Landon.

How wrong I was to believe it.

My heart isn't honorable, nor is it kind.

It's tainted, greedy, and selfish.

Today is Saturday, and I'm at my brother's apartment, watching a movie while Amy and Lan chat away in the kitchen.

Irritation and frustration bubble within me; she wasn't supposed to be here. Weekends were meant for me, the sole days I got to see my brother.

Of course, I can't complain for she has every right to be here.

Amy is still Landon's girlfriend, still the apple of my parents' eyes.

I huff out a breath and switch off the TV, standing without a desire to continue watching.

I make my way to the guest room I use when I stay over, only to grab my backpack with school supplies and uniform. The rest of my clothes are split between the wardrobe here and the one at my parents' house.

Exiting the room, I head for the door to leave the apartment.

"Leaving already, Cath?" Amy's voice calls out.

I turn to face her, meeting a grin stretching ear to ear. She must be pleased with this turn of events; my presence has always been an inconvenience to her relationship with my brother.

"I forgot I made other plans," I excuse myself.

"With whom?" She tilts her head, feigning interest. "With a boy, perhaps? I wouldn't be surprised; you are the talk of the town for your beauty and brains."

"It's not a boy." I shake my head, feeling oddly discomfited under her gaze.

Without wasting another moment, I exit the apartment, not even saying goodbye to Landon.

It's not his fault; I just couldn't bear to see him with Amy.

Maybe next weekend can be ours to enjoy together.

Upon reaching home, my mother is on the phone, her brown eyes drilling into my blue ones.

I linger in the foyer as she finishes her call, then signals for me to come closer. Something's amiss with her demeanor, but I don't have the courage to disobey, so I drop my bag at the entrance and approach Mum.

"Be honest, Catherine," she says icily.

"What's wrong, Mum?"

"Are you seeing someone?" She shakes her head. "No, that’s not the issue."

"What is it, then?" Confusion clouds my thoughts.

"The issue, Catherine," she grimaces in disgust, scanning my body from head to toe, "is that someone rang to say they saw you being intimate with another woman, kissing and touching each other in public."

"That’s not true…"

Her hand interrupts me, delivering a sharp slap to my face.

"I don’t want to hear it; spare me the revolting excuses," she seethes in contempt.

"Mum, I'm not into women."

I could argue that there's nothing wrong with same-sex attraction, but that would only worsen my case.

"Your father will not take this lightly," she continues, not truly listening.

"It was Amy, wasn't it? She told you, you were talking to her, weren’t you?"

Mum grabs my hair, clenching it tightly in her fingers.

"Don't you dare blame that girl," she warns. "I will not have another squabble with your brother over you. When will you stop being a nuisance to others? Why do you insist on disappointing me?"

Tears fill my eyes.

"I never should've had you, should have taken your father's advice to terminate."

"Mum, please don’t…"

Don't say I'm a mistake.

"Go to your room." She commands, releasing my hair. "Stay there until I allow you to come out, till I'm certain your father won't kill you for being a damned lesbian."

"She lied! Why don’t you listen?"

"Go, Catherine."

It's so unfair, Mum and Dad never listen, never have, and it hurts because I love them and would be overjoyed to receive even the slightest acknowledgment of love from them.

I lock myself in my room, securing the door, because when Dad comes home, he will try to break in and kill me, and if not, he'll beat me so severely I won't make it to school.

Dad hits harder than Mum, and his punishments are always exponentially worse, which is why I always try to be invisible to him, but now it's only the lock on my door that can shield me from his wrath.

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