Episode 11

Landon Howland:

As consciousness returns, my body feels heavy and a sharp pain is drilling into my skull.

I open my eyes to find Amy lying on top of me.

What the hell?

I try to recall the moments before I lost consciousness due to alcohol, but my mind is foggy, surrounded by blurry images.

I slide out from under Amy, letting her sleep on the couch as I notice our clothes scattered across the floor.

Another jab hits my brain, a reminder not to overindulge in drink.

I remember I was working on the case the head attorney asked me to review, staying awake for hours until I finally pinpointed the key defense strategies.

Then I checked my phone, scrolling through the messages I'd exchanged with my sister.

For some odd reason, I ended up in a bad mood and cracked open a bottle of wine, and after that, I think I watched one of the movies Cath had made me see before.

It wasn't the same without her.

I enjoyed listening to her reviews and the comments she would make every minute of the film.

I feel at home when she comes over on Saturdays and Sundays, something I hadn't experienced until she was born.

Mom and Dad were too demanding, seeking perfection in their children, and I tried to please them by getting good grades and acting the part they expected.

Because of this, I missed out on a lot during my childhood and adolescence, focusing solely on my studies and the goals my parents set.

When Cath came into our lives, the atmosphere at home shifted from cold to warm.

Mom was forced to keep pace with a baby, and Dad stopped yelling at me, fearful of waking her once they had finally gotten her to sleep.

I was thankful for the mental and physical reprieve since I was out of both their crosshairs for that time.

My sister was a difficult baby, prone to crying and sickness, driving our parents mad, demanding attention 24 hours a week.

I had never seen my perfect parents looking so worn out and overwhelmed by such a small creature.

I think they resented her for it.

I loved her.

Mom would let me take a break from studying if I played with my sister, which was strangely fun considering she was one and I was ten.

So that’s what she was, she was home, she was peace and calm. My sister brought with her the silence and the patience my parents never showed me.

Not even they could demand perfection from a baby; they couldn’t yell because then she would just cry louder and for longer.

It was a pretty quiet time until my sister was old enough to go to school. And with that, eventually, our parents reverted to the strictness they had started with, but by then, I had already associated home with her.

And yet another jab brings me back to the present, trying to figure out what has happened here.

I hadn’t seen Amy for the last two months since I ended our relationship, telling her it wasn't working, that I couldn’t love her the way she wanted.

At first, I thought I could, thinking we were compatible and she might be the one. I found she wasn’t when she refused to admit her mistake and was too proud to apologize for causing a misunderstanding with my sister.

She insisted we give it another chance, something I eventually agreed to, but it was never the same.

With Cath’s message, I discovered Amy would never be my priority and the only thing I could do was let her go so she could find someone who could give her the importance she deserved. So then...

Why the hell is she here?

Another jab, even more painful than the previous ones, stabs at my brain.

I remember hearing the apartment doorbell, thinking my sister had finally decided to break her 8-week silence of avoiding me.

I remember opening the door and feeling my heart break at the sight of Amy.

I was hoping it would be Cath, but it wasn’t.

I try to remember what happened after, but then I see my sister’s keys on the stand near the front door.

Was she here?

Another jab, now in my heart.

She must have left upon seeing Amy and me on the couch together, she saw me with Amy and decided to leave in silence.

"Shit." I grip her keys in my hand, a new pain tormenting my chest.

I've let her down, I know it.

I told her I would end things with Amy, and I did, but my sister damn well didn't see that when she found me half-naked with her lying on top of me.

"Lan?" Amy asks, apparently awake now as she approaches me.

Her black lingerie is the only thing covering her body.

"Did anything happen between us?" I ask.

"Don't you remember?"

"Just answer the question, Amy."

"You know I can't sleep with anyone before marriage. My parents would kill me," she scoffs. "And you passed out before we even had the chance to kiss."

I sigh with relief, thankful for the first time that Amy’s parents are religious with outdated rules.

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