Help! My Fictional Knight Is Real?!
Chapter 19
[Scene: The Family Dinner Table – The Courtroom of Judgment]
Seren knew this dinner would be a disaster the second Kieran sat down like he was about to negotiate a peace treaty.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(serious, hands folded) Lady Seren’s Mother, I request an audience regarding my intentions toward your daughter.
Seren wagner (fl)
Oh my god. You live here. You see her every day. WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THIS.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(sipping tea, unimpressed) Proceed.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(dead serious) I seek to court Seren honorably.
Seren wagner (fl)
(choking) YOU SEEK TO WHAT NOW?
James Wagner (fl dad)
(watching like it's a reality show) Oh, this is getting good.
Seren wagner (fl)
Dad, PLEASE.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
And how, exactly, do you plan to support her?
Kieran Valtor (ml)
With my sword.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
…I see. And what does your sword pay in rent? 😑
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(blinking, confused) Honor?
Seren wagner (fl)
(facepalming) STOP TALKING.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(not impressed) I don’t accept honor as currency.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
I have other skills.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
Like what? Glaring?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
"…"
James Wagner (fl dad)
(laughing) You know, we could put that to use. Seren’s been saying she needs someone to scare off guys at college.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(perking up) EXCELLENT. I accept this duty.
Seren wagner (fl)
NO YOU DO NOT.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
Seren does not need a bodyguard. She needs a stable, responsible partner.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
I am stable. I have never fallen off my horse.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
"…"
Seren wagner (fl)
MOTHER, I SWEAR, I AM LOSING YEARS OFF MY LIFE.
James Wagner (fl dad)
Hey, at least he’s confident.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
Confidently unemployed.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(gritting teeth) I am employed. I protect Seren from modern threats.
Seren wagner (fl)
NAME ONE.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
The coffee machine.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
"…"
Seren wagner (fl)
I HATE IT HERE.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
It hissed at me, Seren. That was a clear declaration of war.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
…Do you even understand what dating entails?
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(nodding) Yes. It is a strategic alliance formed through shared meals and the exchange of affections.
Seren wagner (fl)
(horrified) PLEASE NEVER DESCRIBE IT LIKE THAT AGAIN.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(smirking) Sounds like marriage negotiations back in the day.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(pleased) Precisely! Shall I provide a dowry?
Seren wagner (fl)
DO. NOT. SAY. DOWRY.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(rubbing temples) I need more tea.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
Shall I fetch it? As a display of my suitability?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
Fine.
James Wagner (fl dad)
Oh, this’ll be fun.
[Two minutes later – Kieran returns]
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(holding mug proudly) Here is your tea, Lady Seren’s Mother.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
…Why is it green?
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(proudly) I steeped it with honor.
Seren wagner (fl)
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
Oh my god. He’s like a golden retriever trying to be a husband.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
I accept this comparison.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
You’re impossible.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(smug) Yet here I remain, Lady Seren’s most loyal protector.
James Wagner (fl dad)
Yeah, we’re never getting rid of him.
Seren wagner (fl)
I HATE EVERYTHING.
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