Help! My Fictional Knight Is Real?!
Chapter 6
[Scene: The Wagner Living Room – Chaos Unfolds]
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(arms crossed, looking ready to call the cops) So, let me get this straight… you’re telling me you "accidentally" summoned a medieval knight from your book into your bedroom?
Seren wagner (fl)
(nodding furiously) Yes!
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(blank stare) …Try again.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(adjusting his glasses, eyeing Kieran like he’s a museum exhibit) Seren, just be honest. Did you meet him at one of your conventions? Maybe a Renaissance fair?
Seren wagner (fl)
(outraged gasp) Dad! You think I just picked up a random cosplaying dude and brought him home?!
James Wagner (fl dad)
…It would not be your weirdest decision.
Seren wagner (fl)
EXCUSE ME?!
Kieran, still looking extremely confused, stands there in his full armor, glancing between them like he's at a battlefield council meeting.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
I do not understand. Are you saying Lady Seren did not summon me?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(sarcastic, rubbing her temples) Oh, no, sweetie. I’m saying my daughter doesn’t have summoning powers because this is the real world and not whatever fantasy she lives in.
Seren wagner (fl)
(grumbling) Joke’s on you, apparently, I do.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
Seren.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(thoughtfully tapping chin) Alright, let’s approach this logically.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
Yes, let’s. Starting with the real question: where did you ACTUALLY meet him?
Seren wagner (fl)
I told you, I didn’t! I was literally writing about him in my book, and then BOOM—he was standing in my room!
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(arms still crossed, giving her the ultimate mom look™) Uh-huh. And what’s next? You’re going to tell me your laptop is secretly a magical spellbook?
Seren wagner (fl)
(pauses, considering it) …Maybe?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(deep sigh, clearly regretting her life choices) I need tea.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(excitedly, still examining Kieran’s armor like it’s a national treasure) Alright, let’s say—just for fun—that you DID summon him. How did you do it?
Seren wagner (fl)
(throwing hands up) I. Don’t. Know!
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(thoughtful, like he’s assessing a battle plan) Lady Seren, did you perform a ritual? Recite an incantation? Spill the blood of a foe?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(horrified) PLEASE tell me she did NOT do the last one.
Seren wagner (fl)
(dramatic gasp) Kieran, do I look like I have access to enemies to sacrifice?!
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(completely serious) No, but you could have slain an unworthy suitor.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(intrigued) …Do you have unworthy suitors, Seren?
Seren wagner (fl)
(losing her mind) WHY IS THAT THE PART YOU FOCUS ON?!
Kieran, still confused, glances at the television, where some historical documentary is playing. He squints at it like it’s witchcraft.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
…Is this a magic mirror?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(scoffs, pinching the bridge of her nose) Oh, for the love of—Seren, you taught him to LARP, didn’t you?
Seren wagner (fl)
(offended) MOM, HE’S NOT A LARPER, HE’S—
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(interrupting) A knight from your book? Yeah, sure.
Seren wagner (fl)
(grumbling) You’ll believe in overpriced organic vegetables but not my actual magic powers?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
Because VEGETABLES EXIST, SEREN.
Kieran, still suspicious of the television, suddenly kneels in front of Seren again, looking deadly serious.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
Lady Seren, if I have truly been summoned… what is your command?
James Wagner (fl dad)
*dumbfounded 1*
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
*dumbfounded 2*
Seren wagner (fl)
*done with him kneeling everytime 3*
James Wagner (fl dad)
(whispering to Eleanor) Okay, but he’s REALLY good at this
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(whispering back) STOP ENCOURAGING HER.
Seren wagner (fl)
(sighs, rubbing her forehead) My only command is that you STOP KNEELING, DUDE.
Kieran stands, looking at her like she just denied him his life’s purpose.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(finally sighing, looking resigned to the madness) Okay. Fine. He can stay.
Seren wagner (fl)
(blinking) Wait, seriously?
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(deadpan) I don’t know where else to take him. The police would just arrest me for bringing home a lost theater kid.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(grinning at Kieran) Welcome to the family, son.
Seren wagner (fl)
DAD, STOP ADOPTING HIM.
Kieran just looks proud, as if he’s been knighted all over again. Seren, meanwhile, is contemplating running away.
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