Help! My Fictional Knight Is Real?!
Chapter 7
[Scene: The Living Room – Still Processing the Whole "Summoned Knight" Situation]
Kieran is standing stiffly, arms crossed, as Seren’s dad bombards him with more historical questions. Seren’s mom, ever the calm one, is watching this disaster unfold with her coffee in hand. Seren, meanwhile, is contemplating whether she can run away and start a new life elsewhere.
James Wagner (fl dad)
(leaning forward excitedly) So, Kieran, tell me—what were the standard battle formations used during the Northern Border Wars?
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(frowning, but answering seriously) We used a three-tiered formation—infantry in the front, cavalry at the flanks, and archers positioned at higher ground. The key was—
Seren wagner (fl)
(cutting in, exasperated) DAD. He’s not a podcast!
James Wagner (fl dad)
(ignoring her, fascinated) Amazing. And what about siege warfare? Did your kingdom—
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(eyes narrowing) …Is this an interrogation?
Seren wagner (fl)
(muttering) Welcome to my life.
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(calmly sipping her coffee) I think your dad’s just excited. He never expected his historical research to answer back.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(grumbling) Neither did I.
Seren wagner (fl)
(pinching the bridge of her nose) Okay, look. We need to figure out how to send him back before he—
And that’s when it happens.
The front door SLAMS open like it owes someone money, shaking the entire house.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
SEREN, YOU MENACE! WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO LUNCH?!
Kieran reacts instantly. His knight instincts scream DANGER and, within a second, he grabs the nearest object—a couch cushion—and FLINGS IT like a battlefield projectile.
The cushion smacks the intruder directly in the face.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
ACK—WHAT THE HELL?!
Seren stares, horrified. Her mom sighs. Her dad looks like he’s mentally taking notes. Kieran stands tall, looking extremely proud of his “defense tactics.”
Seren wagner (fl)
(shrieking) KEIRAN, THAT’S MY SISTER!!
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(blinking, confused) She entered like an enemy.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(holding the cushion, furious) WHAT KIND OF GREETING IS THIS?! WHO EVEN— (pauses, finally seeing Kieran for the first time) —OH. MY. GOD.
Kieran tenses, already sensing incoming chaos.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(pointing at Kieran, mouth open in shock) WHO IS THIS KNIGHT?! WHY IS HE IN OUR LIVING ROOM?!
Seren wagner (fl)
(dead inside) Rina, meet Kieran. Kieran, meet my sister.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(whispering to herself, stunned) …Oh my god, I knew you were weird, but you actually kidnapped a LARPing medieval cosplayer…?
Kieran frowns at the unfamiliar words.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(sternly) I do not "LARP." I am a knight.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(ignoring him, turning to Seren) MOM, YOUR DAUGHTER HAS LOST IT. FIRST, SHE STARTS TALKING ABOUT HER BOOK CHARACTERS LIKE THEY’RE REAL, AND NOW SHE’S HARBORING A STRAY KNIGHT?!
Eleanor Wagner (fl mom)
(calmly sipping coffee, unbothered) Oh no, he’s real. He just appeared in her room.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(staring) WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT?!
James Wagner (fl dad)
(grinning, excited again) And he has firsthand knowledge of medieval warfare! Isn’t that fascinating?
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
NO, IT’S NOT FASCINATING! IT’S INSANE!
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(muttering to Seren) Does she always yell this much?
Seren wagner (fl)
(tired) You have no idea.
Rina dramatically throws her arms in the air and points at Kieran again.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
Okay, SERIOUSLY. Who is this guy?!
Seren wagner (fl)
(rubbing her temples) Rina, do you remember the book I was writing? The one I was obsessed with?
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(frowning, confused) …Yeah? The reverse harem thingy with the brooding knight? (pauses, eyes widening) WAIT. NO. NO FREAKING WAY.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(looks at seren) What does "reverse harem thingy" mean?
Seren wagner (fl)
(shoving Rina aside) THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(cackling now, realization dawning) HOLY CRAP. YOU MANIFESTED YOUR OWN FICTIONAL CRUSH.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(frowning more) What is a "crush"?
Seren wagner (fl)
(waving hands frantically, screaming internally) WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(mockingly) Ohhh, but we absolutely are. Because THIS is hilarious. You spent years writing about this guy, and now he’s standing in our living room. That’s— (wheezing laughter) —that’s next-level fangirl magic.
Kieran is looking between them, utterly lost. Seren is debating whether she can legally disown her sister.
Seren wagner (fl)
(gritting teeth) Rina. Shut. Up.
Rina Wagner (fl sis)
(smirking) Oh, I’m NEVER shutting up about this.
Kieran sighs deeply, clearly regretting ever ending up in this world.
Kieran Valtor (ml)
(muttering to himself) Perhaps I should have just perished in battle.
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