FOURTEEN

What now Yana? Why are you talking alone? What are you spacing out for?

Having him support you in everything you do and tells you things frankly if your decision is somehow inappropriate, or the fact that he already became a part of your life, doesn't that mean you like him right?

You always seek for his presence.

Always thinking about him in everything or in what-so-ever plans you're having - you always include him and consider his thoughts too.

"God! Brain please stop talking!" I snorted out as I feel weird with the thoughts that keeps on popping out my mind.

How could I possibly like that freaking stick, I love girls. Besides I already have a crush on someone.

Oh. Yea. Hahaha.

Crush? Who might that be? Been heart-broken for ages now since that break up with Lei. I can't still absorb every single detail about what happened especially the fact that she just used me to be close to Gale.

Why would she go to that extent?

We did things that lovers would do and she didn't feel grossed out that time.

As how I see it or it is only pretense? I'm so naive.

"Can someone explain to me this weird feeling I am having? The tightening of my chest whenever I see him (Gale) with his first so-called-girlfriend. The sudden irritation building up within me as I can't understand the fact of what's happening to me. The feeling of being annoyed as I see him and I am ending up avoiding him at all cost? And also the sadness I'm feeling now that I am all alone? What is this emotion even?"

I shut myself in my room and hid under the blanket as I try to sort out and understand my own feelings.

Mum went in.

She hugged me through the blanket covering me. As her warmth enveloped me, my eyes heated up and tears started to flow out.

I am sad. Yes. I am really, really sad. Atleast this feeling I understand.

Maybe due to the shock my mind went through after finding out the truth behind her (Lei - my former lover) getting so close to me and attached to me, to the point it smashed the small ego and confidence I have.

As thoughts overflow my mind once more, I felt my mum's hug tighten and she talked.

"You know what sweet heart? Each and every one of us experiences hardships and troubles only us can face.

We may feel crushed, hurt, jealous, confused, annoyed, irritated, or even betrayed, but it's always our own selves that's there for us when we feel down.

It's not bad to cry and act tough but if you can no longer hold it in alone, nor you can no longer stand on your own two feet, always remember your family is right behind you.

You can always take a step back and look behind because no matter how many years pass by. No matter the consequences. No matter what you do, me and your dad are always here for you.

All you have to do is stop rushing and take a breather. Even you can't talk things out with us, we always got your back.

Even when you fall we are here to pull you up and guide you to push forward.

We love you, sweet pea. Always"

She said as she gave me a kiss on the forehead before she left the room.

I removed the blanket that covers my whole body and stared blankly at the ceiling.

I am so grateful to have her as my mum.

Someone as understanding as her and supports me too in everything.

I hold my chest as I feel its heart beat.

"How weird. I feel joy. I feel pain. I feel the sadness clearly. I feel broken, but somehow I feel relieved. I feel loved. What emotions am I feeling right now? Have I gone mad? No. Perhaps it is that one unexplainable feeling every human being experiences once in a while after being through a lot of encounters. Yea probably it is."

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***