Chapter 16: FBI, Mafia, and My Self-Destruction Speedrun

Chapter 16: FBI, Mafia, and My Self-Destruction Speedrun

Lily had always been a firm believer in “fake it till you make it.”

Like that time in high school when she pretended to understand math for an entire semester and somehow passed.

Or the time she lied on her resume about being "proficient in Microsoft Excel" when she could barely open the app.

But today, she had taken faking to a whole new level.

Because right now, she was sitting between two dangerous mafia bosses who believed she was some legendary hacker—and outside the mansion?

THE ACTUAL FBI WAS HERE.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

Nathan, her so-called "best friend," was crying from laughter.

Gabriel looked far too entertained. "Well, well, princess. Looks like you weren’t lying after all."

Raphael, on the other hand, was staring directly into her soul. "Tell us the truth, Vanessa. What did you do?"

Lily panicked. "NOTHING! I SWEAR!"

The tall bodyguard who had delivered the news hesitated. "Boss, they’re asking for a 'Vanessa Romano' specifically."

Lily froze.

Nathan also froze.

Raphael’s eyes darkened. "They know your name?"

Gabriel smirked. "You really are full of surprises, aren't you?"

Lily wanted to scream.

SHE HAD NEVER EVEN JAYWALKED IN HER PAST LIFE.

HOW DID SHE BECOME A MOST WANTED CRIMINAL IN THIS ONE?!

The only logical response was to panic aggressively.

"WE NEED TO RUN!" Lily screeched, trying to bolt.

Raphael grabbed her instantly and pulled her onto his lap. "Not so fast."

Lily froze.

Nathan’s eyes bulged. "Uh."

Gabriel grinned. "Comfortable, princess?"

Lily short-circuited. "Y-YOU CAN’T JUST—"

Raphael’s grip tightened. "You're not leaving until we get answers."

Lily internally screamed.

"THIS IS KIDNAPPING!"

Gabriel smirked. "No, this is protecting you. Unless you'd rather face the FBI alone?"

Lily paled.

Raphael leaned in, his lips dangerously close to her ear. "Tell me the truth. What did you hack?"

Lily had two choices.

Tell the truth: “I lied about being a hacker, I don’t even know how to open Photoshop, and I have no idea why the FBI is here.”

Continue lying and probably dig an even bigger grave.

So, like any rational person—

She chose violence.

"I CAN’T TELL YOU!" she yelled dramatically. "FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!"

Nathan wheezed.

Gabriel actually laughed. "Oh, I love this."

Raphael narrowed his eyes. "So you admit you did something."

Lily sweated bullets. "Uh. Yes?"

Raphael turned to the bodyguard. "Let them in."

Lily screamed internally.

"WAIT, NO, BAD IDEA—"

The doors opened.

And in walked three very serious-looking FBI agents.

Lily was 90% sure she was about to drop dead from stress.

The lead agent, a woman with piercing green eyes, stepped forward. "Vanessa Romano?"

Lily’s brain went into overdrive. "WHO'S THAT? NEVER HEARD OF HER."

Nathan nearly choked from laughter.

Raphael sighed. "She’s right here."

Lily glared at him. "TRAITOR."

Gabriel grinned. "This should be fun."

The agent frowned. "You are under investigation for unauthorized access to classified federal databases."

Lily died inside.

"EXCUSE ME??"

Nathan muttered, "You really are a hacker???"

Lily turned to him, horrified. "I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHANGE THE FONT IN WORD!"

Gabriel actually started laughing out loud.

Raphael, however, was watching her carefully.

"Agent," he said smoothly, "do you have any proof?"

The agent held up a tablet. "The IP address traces back to this location."

Lily’s soul left her body.

Raphael’s grip on her tightened. "Interesting."

Gabriel leaned back, amused. "Looks like our little princess isn’t as innocent as she claims."

Lily wanted to burst into tears.

Nathan whispered. "Did you accidentally hack the FBI???"

Lily grabbed his shoulders. "HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY HACK THE FBI, NATHAN?!"

Raphael’s voice was low. "Then explain how your name ended up in their system."

Lily racked her brain for any possible answer—

And then, suddenly—

It hit her.

"Wait." She turned back to the agent. "What exactly was hacked?"

The agent hesitated. "...The FBI’s cyber security training simulation."

Silence.

Lily blinked. "The what?"

Nathan froze.

Raphael raised an eyebrow. "A training simulation?"

The agent’s jaw clenched. "Yes. Our cybersecurity program runs fake 'hacking attempts' for training purposes. Someone broke through our defenses… but it turns out, it wasn’t a real attack. It was just… a test."

Lily gasped. "OH MY GOD."

Nathan stared. "Vanessa. Did you—"

"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED." Lily smacked her forehead. "IT WASN’T ME! IT WAS MY PAST LIFE!"

Silence.

Gabriel burst out laughing.

Raphael’s eye twitched. "Your past life?"

Lily nodded furiously. "YES! I—I must’ve been a hacker before I reincarnated! My skills carried over!"

Nathan threw a pillow at her. "YOU IDIOT."

The agent looked like she was questioning all her life choices. "...Are you saying you hacked the FBI on instinct?"

Lily nodded solemnly. "Apparently."

Gabriel wiped a tear from his eye. "Oh, this is amazing."

Raphael sighed deeply. "So this was all… an accident."

Lily clapped her hands together. "So! Since I didn’t mean to do it… can we all just forget this happened?"

The agent stared at her. "That’s not how the law works."

Lily gulped.

Nathan whispered, "You’re gonna rot in prison."

Raphael, however, smirked. "I don’t think so."

Lily perked up. "Really?"

He pulled her closer. "Because now, you belong to me."

Lily’s brain short-circuited. "WAIT, WHAT?!"

Gabriel laughed. "Looks like you just got recruited, princess."

Lily internally screamed.

She just wanted to AVOID trouble.

Now she was:

✔ The most wanted “hacker” in the country.

✔ Owned by a mafia boss.

✔ Apparently skilled in cybercrime (on accident).

How. How did this happen.

And worst of all—

She still had no idea how to open Excel.

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