Episode 10

Diana...

After the end-of-year celebrations, I had another appointment with the obstetrician.

Doctor Milena, a very friendly and polite doctor, noticed that I was scared and explained to me how everything would happen.

I won't lie, even with Eliza's support, I was scared, feeling alone because the father of my baby wasn't by my side. I had just turned eighteen, a dreamy girl, with so many dreams and plans that would have to be modified.

Time went by...

The first three months were full of changes, assimilating what was happening to me, to my body, and most importantly, maturing.

I started my online college, began to help Eliza at the pub, and took on some odd jobs with Peter's band. The money I earned, I saved in the bank, in an account I opened for future security.

During this time, my breasts started to feel sore, tingly, and swollen. I only had two morning sicknesses during this period. What I felt the most was fatigue and extreme tiredness.

Doctor Milena instructed me to start a balanced diet, with a healthier lifestyle, because it is essential. Not that I didn't have one before, but I began to cut down on junk food.

At eight weeks, I had the first ultrasound.

By this point, all I wanted was for my baby to come into the world healthy because love, I would have in abundance. Then came the big and thrilling moment of hearing the heartbeat of the little being forming inside me. A wave of emotion swept over me, tears rolling down my face with each beat, but one sound stood out more in that moment. And the news came that inside me, not two hearts were beating, but three.

I must admit, my heart skipped a beat in that exact moment, as two lives were forming inside me. I couldn't contain my emotion and joy, tears streaming down my face.

They were in separate placentas, didn't share the same amniotic sac, but they were both doing fine.

I began to take care of myself twice as much.

In the second trimester...

It was the most tranquil phase of pregnancy, my belly growing each day. I took many photos and noted down all the pregnancy sensations in my diary.

Benjamin wasn't here, but if one day he were interested in his children, he could know everything I felt, from symptoms, sensations, emotions, all described with emotion. Not that he deserves it, but maybe that would make him feel the pain of loss.

My breasts started preparing for milk production, gradually increasing in size. My skin and hips also went through some changes.

I started feeling their movements inside of me. When I felt their first kicks, I cried like a child, a mix of indescribable emotions.

From the beginning of the pregnancy, I started praying more at night, talking to them, reading, and singing to them.

In the second ultrasound, I found out I was having a boy and a girl.

I searched for names with special meanings. I chose Ravi and Luna, both meaning light, as they came to illuminate and bring joy, "sun" and "moon." Names symbolizing hope, light, power, knowledge, passivity, beauty, serenity, among others.

Not a day went by that I didn't write about them to Benjamin. Eliza doesn't agree with this, she says I should hate him for all the harm he caused me, but how can I hate the one who brought light into my days, who gave me the most beautiful and divine gifts in the world.

He was a great fool, a scoundrel, his words hurt. However, the pregnancy brought me some lessons, including forgiveness. It doesn't mean things will go back to how they were, but it has become irrelevant to me. I don't want to harbor negative feelings in my heart, in this important moment of my life.

In the last months of pregnancy, my body began to prepare for childbirth. As the days drew nearer, I became very anxious, worried, and scared.

I opted for a cesarean section because I didn't want my children to be at any risk. At no point am I thinking of myself, but of them.

Several times, I wished that idiot was by my side, maybe his presence brought a little more security. Eliza and Peter were by my side all this time, but it's not the same.

At 38 weeks, I went into labor. I was rushed to the hospital, Eliza called Milena, who promised to deliver my baby, even though it wasn't her shift.

I arrive at the hospital and Dr. Milena's team is already waiting. As soon as she arrived and examined me, she concluded that my babies would come into the world. There wouldn't be time for a cesarean section, as they were positioned well and she could already see one of their heads.

I pushed hard, the pain was terrible, but it was worth it, when I held them for the first time in my arms. Time seemed to stand still, I analyzed every detail, their wide blue eyes, their little hands, their hair, mouth, nose... so perfect, so mine! I was overwhelmed by unconditional love in my chest, I thanked God for the perfection of the moment, of my babies and the miracle of life.

It was impossible to contain the emotion, the gratitude and overflowing love.

They were taken to the neonatal unit, and they spent two weeks in the incubator, as they were a bit underweight.

The emotion of each breastfeeding moment is also indescribable, even though it hurts, it is still special, unique, and we feel full and fulfilled.

When we went home, it was wonderful. However, the next steps were coming, sleepless nights, constant worries, colic, and a whole process of adaptation.

Nevertheless, it was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

The first fever one of them had was terrifying, I didn't know what to do and even cried..., first-time mom things. It was just a cold, but the worry was inevitable.

Obviously, I still get terrified by a fever today, but I know how to act and don't panic, acting impulsively.

My little ones are strong and very healthy, they are the whole love of this house. My sister and brother-in-law spoil them a lot, but we also set limits, as we don't want them to grow up spoiled, like their father.

Finally, three years have passed and the great loves of my life have just turned two.

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