Episode 19

"Varun Aibek"

Oh how I longed for it to be Evelyn calling with news that everything was okay and that they were safe... But no, instead it was my brother. On seeing him, I slammed my right paw down, tearing away a piece of the earth and hurling it into the distance...

"What's gotten into you, have you gone mad, Varun?" he said, rising to his feet in his human form, stopping in front of me...

"Where is she, Marcos, where's my child?" I demanded, my voice rising, as I smashed my hand against a tree with such force that it toppled over to the side.

"Why this sudden concern? Just yesterday you didn't even..."

"Yesterday I was a fool!" I blurted out loudly, but then lowered my voice— a kind of vile human being... I ran my hands through my hair— I'm not like that, dammit, you know it, bro! She's out there all alone, holding my child, because of my own fault!... It could have been different, why did I drink, why? Dammit!"

"Calm down!" Marcos grasped my arms, forcing me to look at him— "You can't lose it now... We'll find her, and besides she's the daughter of an Alpha, she knows how to take care of herself. Evelyn has been safe up to this point... brother, you can't lose your mind, you lead the pack, our father and I only assist you... But they all listen to you..."

I shrugged him off and paced back and forth, my hand swiping over my head! All I wanted was to see her, to be certain that they were well, to apologize, to meet my son and to show them that I wasn't the monster I had seemed to be! But how could I, if I couldn't find her!

"How can I focus on anything, knowing they're alone out there, exposed to any danger!" My body seethed with anger just thinking that someone might harm either of them.

"We just can't stop searching!" my brother said, giving me a reassuring smile...

We continued our search around the perimeter, but found no sign of her, our child, or even that damn car.

"How could they just vanish like this!" I exclaimed, stopping atop a hill.

"Ever consider that maybe she doesn't want to be found?" my brother suggested, approaching me.

"How could she not want to be found? She went looking for me..." I turned to him and saw distress in his eyes.

"She went, brother, but I think she didn't expect you to treat her the way you did!"

"I know I messed up, that's why I want to apologize... But if I can't find her it's hard, Marcos have you had everyone look for her?"

"Yes, everyone's searching! Any sign of her and they'll inform us as quickly as possible..."

"Alright, let's continue our search then!"

I transformed and raced down the hill, searching around the city, our village and yes, I even dared to approach her father's lands, and still no sign of her. We had to return as the day had already dawned and the village had been left unattended for several hours.

Defeated, that's how I returned. I spent the night searching for her and failing to find her is so frustrating. Some people came to talk to me as I entered the village, but I wasn't up for conversation, I walked past and Marcos stopped to speak with them.

Near my house, I spotted Juliana. This woman just doesn't get it; I was with her only once and nothing more... Now, even seeing my stern expression, she...

"Varun, we need to talk about us!"

"Juliana, there's nothing to discuss... We slept together one night for my pleasure and that was it, when will you understand that?" I looked her in the eyes as I continued, "I don't want you, I don't desire you, I don't love you... Now get out of my way, because you're only going to end up hurt, was I clear?"

"You used me!" she said, tears welling in her eyes.

"No, I didn't use you, and I didn't force anything on you... It was you who threw yourself at me, I just gave you what you wanted, we were very clear with each other that night, I remember the words 'just once' very well," I took a deep breath and continued, "So get away from me, because I have more important things to do..."

I walked past her, hearing her cause a small scene.

"You're going to pay for this Varun, you will pay, just you listen to what I'm saying..."

I ignored her and entered my home, closing the door behind me. Juliana is two years younger than me and must have some sort of sick fascination with me, but I can't deal with that now! There are more important people to find...

I walked straight to take a shower, entering I stripped off my clothes and stepped under the warm spray, resting one hand against the wall and closing my eyes, just feeling the water cascade over my body.

I keep wondering why I haven't been able to forget her since that night... The one night we had was unforgettable for me! Now here I am, searching like a madman, without even knowing if she wants to be found... Evelyn, why couldn't this have been easier? If I hadn't drunk that night or if we had kept in touch, I could have been there for you during the pregnancy and at the birth of our son.

And here I am, thinking that I don't know half of what you went through for him, for me, because knowing your father well, if he had known I was the father of your child, he would have already come to confront me with his pack, which makes me wonder why you didn't tell him. Could it be that you feel something more for me?

I hit the wall with my hand a few times, where are you? Please don't disappear, I want to meet my child and apologize! And to tell you that since our night together, I've never forgotten you...

I will find you both, even if it's the last thing I do!

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