Danger Begins Part One

Jasper: Hey,did you guys see what Captain Man did yesterday?

Charlotte: Can we focus on algebra?

Jasper: There was a fire at a pet store,and Captain Man ran inside right through the flames and saved all the animals. And he didn't even get hurt

Henry: Captain Man never gets hurt. He's a beast

Charlotte: You know,someday,when you guys are cleaning my swimming pool 'cause you failed this algebra test,then flunked out of school,I hope you remember this moment,'cause I will

Henry: Hey,here's a cool job I could do,foot model

Jasper: You guys,could we go over the list for my birthday party?

Henry: Sure

Charlotte: No

Henry: No

Jasper: But I invited 52 people and nobody's texted me back yet. What does that mean?

Henry: That people have been to your parties before?

Jasper: Oh,come on,my parties aren't that bad

Charlotte: Christmas,three years ago,15 kids ended up in the hospital

Henry: 'Cause of your raw turkey

Jasper: It was turkey sushi

Charlotte: A boy almost died

Jasper: Almost

Henry: Okay. First person who helps me find an after school job gets this bowl of pine cones

[gasps]

Charlotte: Why do you even need a job?

Henry: You know,to learn responsibility,challenge myself

Jasper: He wants money

Henry: I want money

Charlotte: Money's good

Jasper: Can we please talk about my birthday?

Charlotte: (sighs) Am I gonna have to slap a boy?

Kris: Henry,can you please tell me how in the wor--Oh,I didn't know Jasper and Charlotte were here

Jasper: We're studying

Charlotte: Are we?

Henry: Mom,we're right in the middle of something

Kris: I'm not interrupting

Henry: Okay,thanks

Kris: I just have a question about your underwear

Henry: Mom!

Charlotte: I'd like to hear the question

Jasper: What is the issue with Henry's underwear?

Piper: Mom! Mom,I'm not okay

Melody: I'm fine

Henry: Piper,we're trying to study here

Piper: I'm talking to my mother

Kris: What's wrong,baby?

Piper: Jessica unfollowed me

Henry: No one cares

Kris: Henry. Why would Jessica unfollow you?

Piper: 'Cause she posted a picture of her with me and Allison,so I posted a comment that said,"OMG,you look so gorgeous"

Kris: Well,that's nice

Piper: No. 'Cause Allison thought it meant she looked gorgeous,so she posted a comment that said,"Thanks,ILY." And so then Jessica got jealous and unfollowed me,and now I hate myself and I'm gonna die

Kris: I'll call Jessica's mom and talk to her

Piper: No! That's not okay!

Henry: Dang it. All these jobs say I've got to have skills

Jasper: So? You've got tons of skills

Henry: Name one

Jasper: You're a great dancer

Henry: No,I'm not

Jasper: You could take lessons

Henry: Oh,my gosh

Charlotte: What?

Henry: I'm--I'm not great at anything. This is tragic

Charlotte: Here,let me see

Henry: I'm just a big pile of average

Charlotte: Okay. Here's a job

Henry: Where?

Charlotte: At a store called Junk-N-Stuff. It says,"Needed,part-time helper for various duties"

Jasper: "Duties"

Charlotte: And see? It says,"No special skills necessary"

Henry: That's me. I've got to go get that job. You get the pine cones

Charlotte: Sweet. Good luck,Hen

Henry: Thanks

Jasper: If you give me a pine cone,I'll lick my elbow

[theme music playing]

[growling]

-What are you looking at?

Henry: Uh,nothing. Just,uh,this turtle's butt. Sorry

[Henry clears throat]

Henry: Uh,my name is Henry Hart. I'm here about the job

Gooch: The job

[burp]

Henry: Um,did that plant burp?

Gooch: Go back

Henry: Come back?

Gooch: Go back

Henry: Where?

Gooch: To the back

Henry: Oh,go to the back

Gooch: Take the elevator down

Henry: What floor?

Gooch: Down

Henry: The down floor?

Gooch: Good luck

[plant squeals]

Henry: You too

[cell phone rings]

Henry: Hey,what's up?

Jasper: Does my basement smell like chicken poop?

Charlotte: Yes

Henry: What?

Jasper: I'm down in my basement with Charlotte,and she said it smells like poop from a chicken

Charlotte: A sick chicken

Henry: Uh,what are you and Charlotte doing in your basement?

Charlotte: He wants to have his birthday party down here in this chicken toilet

Jasper: This is my home

Henry: Guys,I can't talk right now. I'm at a job interview,so I gotta go

[screams]

Jasper: Henry,you still there?

[screams]

[rock music blaring]

Jasper: (on phone) Henry? 

Charlotte: (on phone) Henry?

Henry: I'll call you back. Hello?

Ray: Hey,how are you? Cool. Thanks. Great to meet you. I'm doing good. What's your name?

Henry: Um,I'm Henry Hart. I'm here about the job

Ray: Age?

Henry: 13. I'll be 14 on my next birthday

Ray: Ah. So you're aging sequentially. I like that

Henry: Thanks

Ray: My name's Ray

Henry: Hi,Ray

Ray: You ask a lot of questions

Henry: I don't think I've asked any questions

Ray: Chocolate or vanilla?

Henry: Vanilla

Ray: Helicopters or kangaroos?

Henry: Helicopters

Ray: Love it. Scrambled eggs or dynamite?

Henry: Both

Ray: Maybe. Complete this sentence,"I'm sorry,Mother,I didn't mean for my elephant to blank"

Henry: Uh,lick Dad

[laughs]

[both laughing]

Ray: Well,that's not funny

Henry: No. Um,is this the job interview?

Ray: Do you want it to be the job interview?

Henry: Um,what is the job?

Ray: What do you think the job is?

Henry: Uh,well,the ad said part-time helper,so I'm thinking maybe you need someone to help you,you know,part time

Ray: Do you ever dream about sleeping?

Henry: No

Ray: Good. If you did,you'd be dead

Henry: I am so confused

Ray: David?

Henry: Henry

Ray: Can I trust you?

Henry: Sure

Ray: Can you keep a secret?

Henry: Totally

Ray: So I can trust you to keep a secret?

Henry: Yes,sir

Ray: I'm going to blow a bubble

Henry: You're going to blow a bubble?

Ray: And I'm going to blow your mind

Henry: You're Captain Man!

Ray/Captain Man: That's right,Henry. Hold on a second. Stupid zipper always sticks. Come--Ow,that's my skin! Yeah,there we go. (chuckles) Whoo! Always good to keep the old zipper lubed

Henry: I--I can't believe I'm standing here talking to Captain Man

Ray/Captain Man: Why,are you a fan? Do you like me? Most people like me,but not everyone

Henry: Yeah,I'm a huge fan. Oh,man,I've got to tell Jasper about this. He's gonna freak when I tell him I'm here standing next to Captain--

[screams]

Ray/Captain Man: Sorry,but you can't tell your friends about this

Henry: Okay. But--Did you have to melt my phone?

Ray/Captain Man: I'll get you a new one

Henry: Really?

Ray/Captain Man: No. So,Henry,tell me why you want a job

Henry: Well,you know,to--to learn responsibility and challenge myself

Ray/Captain Man: So you want money?

Henry: Lots of money

[elevator bell chimes]

-(in British accent) Oh,is this the ladies' room?

Ray/Captain Man: No,ma'am. You're not supposed to be down here

-(in British accent) What an interesting place

Ray/Captain Man: Thank you,but I'm conducting a job interview,and you're very old,so can you please just get back in the elevator?

-(in British accent) Oh,I'll just take me phone out of me purse and call me nephew

Ray/Captain Man: Great. I'll just turn my back and look at something

[flashback]

-What are you looking at?

[end of flashback]

Henry: Captain Man!

Ray/Captain Man: Oh!

[grunting]

-(in normal voice) Goodbye forever,Captain Man

Henry: No!

-(in British accent) Get off of me

Henry: Quit talking like a British lady

-(in British accent) Stop pulling me wig over me eyes. I can't see

[grunts]

Henry: Captain Man! Captain Man,are you okay?

Ray/Captain Man: Captain Man is always okay. Nice work,Boris

Boris: The boy did good job

Henry: Wait,wait,wait,wait. You know the--

Ray/Captain Man: That's Boris. He works for me

Henry: What?

Ray/Captain Man: How'd you know he wasn't really an old lady?

Henry: Uh,'cause of the tattoo on his neck. I saw it on him up in the store. And his boobs are two wobbly

Ray/Captain Man: True. Go get those under control. Henry,you have a sharp eye,good instincts,a nice shirt,and you're brave

Henry: Thanks

Ray/Captain Man: Do you know how to make sandwiches?

Henry: I do

Ray/Captain Man: Then you have all the qualities I'm looking for

Henry: But I--I don't--

Ray/Captain Man: You're the one,Henry

Henry: The one to make you a sandwich?

Ray/Captain Man: (laughs) No. Well,yes. But everybody gets old some day,even Captain Man. I can't do this forever

Henry: Do what?

Ray/Captain Man: Protect our town,Swellivew,from bad guys,bad things,bad smells

Henry: Smells?

Ray/Captain Man: You want to be horrified?

Henry: No

Ray/Captain Man: Watch this

[grunting and laughing]

Henry: Who's the freak in the diaper?

Ray/Captain Man: The Toddler,and don't let the diaper fool you,kid. He's pure evil

Henry: Wow

Ray/Captain Man: I'll show you wow. Watch this secret video that was intercepted by my people who intercept secret videos

The Toddler: (on computer) You were supposed to bring me my applesauce two minutes ago

Man #2: (on computer) I'm sorry,Toddler

The Toddler: Sorry don't make baby happy

[blowing raspberries on computer]

Man: (on computer) Toddler,good news. The radioactive zenite is here

The Toddler: (on computer) Really? Whoo-hoo! That means we can begin phase two of my plan

Man #2: (on computer) Will someone wipe my face?

The Toddler: (on computer) No! Dang. That takes so much effort. Have one of our scientists build me a device to do that

Man: (on computer) To do what,sir?

The Toddler: (on computer) This

[blowing raspberries]

[groans]

Ray/Captain Man: You see that?

Henry: He's a maniac

Ray/Captain Man: And there's more maniacs like him,all dangerous to the good citizens of Swellview

Henry: Well,yeah,but we've got you to stop them

Ray/Captain Man: True. But I'm not as young as I used to be. (Sighs) I'm almost 34. I need help,and someday someone's gonna have to take over for me

Henry: Like--Like me?

Ray/Captain Man: What do you say,Henry? Do you want to be my sidekick?

Henry: How much does it pay?

Ray/Captain Man: $9 an hour

Henry: Whoa!

Ray/Captain Man: I know,right?

[bell rings]

Jasper: Whoa!

Charlotte: Check this place out. Hey,look at this thing

Jasper: (on computer) Wow,a bucket of swords

Henry: What are they doing here?

Ray/Captain Man: Friends of yours?

Henry: Uh-huh

Charlotte: Jasper,please don't embarrass me

Jasper: Excuse me,sir

Charlotte: He's gonna do it

Gooch: Yes?

Jasper: How much?

Gooch: Each sword is $100

Jasper: No,no,no. How much for the bucket?

Gooch: The bucket?

Charlotte: That's not a bucket. That's a barrel

Jasper: It's close enough to a bucket. I collect buckets

Charlotte: Don't say it

Jasper: I'm a bucketeer

Ray/Captain Man: Well,they seem like nice kids

Henry: Yeah,their names are Jasper and Charlotte. I've known them ever since--

Ray/Captain Man: Get rid of them

Henry: I'll get rid of them-

Jasper: (on computer) Wow,what a bucket

Ray/Captain Man: Kid sure loves that bucket

Henry: Hey

Jasper & Charlotte: Henry!

Charlotte: Did you get the job?

Henry: (on computer) Yeah

Charlotte: (on computer) Cool

Jasper: (on computer) Does that mean I can get a discount on this bucket?

Henry: Dude,it's my first day here. You--You guys gotta--

Jasper: Excuse me,mysterious foreign man,do Henry's friends get a discount here?

Charlotte: That plant just shook it's head

Jasper: Wow

Henry: Would you two get him out of here?

Jasper: How much for the plant?

[mutters]

Gooch: The plant is not for sale

Henry: Bye,guys

Jasper: Come on. I'll give you seven bucks for it and one Canadian loonie. Ahhhhh! It spit in my eye!

Charlotte: I told you Canadian money upsets people

Henry: You guys,you've got to go now

Jasper: Wait,what about my bucket? I want the pretty bucket! I love that bucket!

Charlotte: (on computer) Will you shut up about that bucket?

Henry: Carry on

Henry: I gotta wear this?

Ray/Captain Man: All good sidekicks wear costumes

Henry: Sorry,but this is bad

Ray/Captain Man: I have more options. Too sparkly. Eh,it's a little Broadway. Too tight

Henry: Uh,way too tight

Ray/Captain Man: Oh,man...(sighs) I ate a lot of fruit. Hey,I like it

Henry/Kid Danger: I like it,but it takes a lot of time to put on

Ray/Captain Man: And that's why you'll need this special bubble gum

Henry/Kid Danger: Special?

Ray/Captain Man: Read the instructions

Henry/Kid Danger: "Chew gum,blow bubble,fight crime"

Ray/Captain Man: Now

Henry/Kid Danger: What's this for?

Ray/Captain Man: It means we're engaged

Henry/Kid Danger: What?

Ray/Captain Man: No,I'm just kidding. That's how I'll contact you

Henry/Kid Danger: Well,why can't you just call me?

Ray/Captain Man: I melted your phone

Henry/Kid Danger: Right

Ray/Captain Man: Now,listen closely. That wristband flashes

Henry/Kid Danger: It flashes

Ray/Captain Man: A triple flashing light means emergency like,"major stitch going down,so get here fast"

Henry/Kid Danger: Right

Ray/Captain Man: A double flashing light means it's just important

Henry/Kid Danger: And what is a single flashing light mean?

Ray/Captain Man: Just to,you know,shoot me a text whenever

Henry/Kid Danger: Got it

Ray/Captain Man: Now,raise your right hand. Spread your fingers. Turn your head and cough

Henry/Kid Danger: What?

Ray/Captain Man: (laughs) Joke. Place your left hand over your right lung and repeat after me. I,Henry Hart--

Henry/Kid Danger: I,Henry Hart--

Ray/Captain Man: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man--

Henry/Kid Danger: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man--

Ray/Captain Man: And to never ever,ever,tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick

Henry/Kid Danger: And to never ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick

Ray/Captain Man: You left out one "ever"

Henry/Kid Danger: Ever

Ray/Captain Man: It is done

Henry/Kid Danger: Feels good

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah

[alarm sounds]

Ray/Captain Man: Uh-oh. What's up,Gooch?

Gooch: (on computer) Someone sabotaged the bridge over the Jandy River

Ray/Captain Man: The bridge is down?

Gooch: (on computer) Affirmative

Ray/Captain Man: That means yes

Henry/Kid Danger: I got that

Ray/Captain Man: Situation?

Gooch: (on computer) Cars in the water,lives in danger

Ray/Captain Man: Understood

Ray/Captain Man: Phase two of The Toddler's plan. Let's ride

Henry/Kid Danger: Wha--Ride where?

Ray/Captain Man: We've got people in the Jandy River that need saving. Come on

Henry/Kid Danger: You mean we're going there,together,like,right now?

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah. Get under your tube

[beeping noises]

Ray/Captain Man: Ready?

Henry/Kid Danger: For what?

Ray/Captain Man: Up the tube

Henry/Kid Danger: I don't know how to--Whoosh!

Ray/Captain Man: (in the tube) Just tap your belt buckle

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh. Heh. Up the tuuuuuuuube

Woman on TV: And we're going to come back to that story so we can take you live to the Jandy Bridge,which mysteriously collapsed a little over an hour ago

Kris: Jake,honey,come look. The Jandy Bridge collapsed

Jake: What? Oh,no,that was my favorite bridge

Reporter on TV: We understand there are several people in cars in the water. People are injured

[evil laughter]

Jake: What happened?

Kris: They're not sure. They think--

Piper: Mom,Dad,I hate my life,and I'm not okay

Kris: Not now,honey. Daddy's favorite bridge collapsed

Piper: Who cares?

Jake: Your daddy cares

Piper: But every time I try to watch a video on my phone it keeps freezing,because our stupid Wi-Fi signal only gives me one bar

Jake: Then just wait until the video loads before you watch it

Piper: Oh,so we're living like animals now?

Kris: Later

Piper: I'll run away. I'll do it

Reporter on TV: Rescue workers were unable to get their equipment down the muddy embankment. Luckily,Captain Man arrived on the scene,leapt into the water,and saved the endangered citizens from drowning

News anchor on TV: And Ron,is it true that for the first time Captain Man wasn't working alone?

Reporter on TV: That's correct. It appears Captain Man has teamed up with a new sidekick,who apparently goes by the name Kid Danger

Kris & Jake: Huh

News anchor on TV: Well,once again Swellview owes a big thanks to Captain Man and,apparently,Kid Danger

Jake: Hey,Henry,did you get the job?

Henry: Yeah,just finished my first day

Kris: So how was work?

Henry: Uh,it was pretty...interesting

THE End

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