NovelToon NovelToon

Henry Danger

Danger Begins Part One

Jasper: Hey,did you guys see what Captain Man did yesterday?

Charlotte: Can we focus on algebra?

Jasper: There was a fire at a pet store,and Captain Man ran inside right through the flames and saved all the animals. And he didn't even get hurt

Henry: Captain Man never gets hurt. He's a beast

Charlotte: You know,someday,when you guys are cleaning my swimming pool 'cause you failed this algebra test,then flunked out of school,I hope you remember this moment,'cause I will

Henry: Hey,here's a cool job I could do,foot model

Jasper: You guys,could we go over the list for my birthday party?

Henry: Sure

Charlotte: No

Henry: No

Jasper: But I invited 52 people and nobody's texted me back yet. What does that mean?

Henry: That people have been to your parties before?

Jasper: Oh,come on,my parties aren't that bad

Charlotte: Christmas,three years ago,15 kids ended up in the hospital

Henry: 'Cause of your raw turkey

Jasper: It was turkey sushi

Charlotte: A boy almost died

Jasper: Almost

Henry: Okay. First person who helps me find an after school job gets this bowl of pine cones

[gasps]

Charlotte: Why do you even need a job?

Henry: You know,to learn responsibility,challenge myself

Jasper: He wants money

Henry: I want money

Charlotte: Money's good

Jasper: Can we please talk about my birthday?

Charlotte: (sighs) Am I gonna have to slap a boy?

Kris: Henry,can you please tell me how in the wor--Oh,I didn't know Jasper and Charlotte were here

Jasper: We're studying

Charlotte: Are we?

Henry: Mom,we're right in the middle of something

Kris: I'm not interrupting

Henry: Okay,thanks

Kris: I just have a question about your underwear

Henry: Mom!

Charlotte: I'd like to hear the question

Jasper: What is the issue with Henry's underwear?

Piper: Mom! Mom,I'm not okay

Melody: I'm fine

Henry: Piper,we're trying to study here

Piper: I'm talking to my mother

Kris: What's wrong,baby?

Piper: Jessica unfollowed me

Henry: No one cares

Kris: Henry. Why would Jessica unfollow you?

Piper: 'Cause she posted a picture of her with me and Allison,so I posted a comment that said,"OMG,you look so gorgeous"

Kris: Well,that's nice

Piper: No. 'Cause Allison thought it meant she looked gorgeous,so she posted a comment that said,"Thanks,ILY." And so then Jessica got jealous and unfollowed me,and now I hate myself and I'm gonna die

Kris: I'll call Jessica's mom and talk to her

Piper: No! That's not okay!

Henry: Dang it. All these jobs say I've got to have skills

Jasper: So? You've got tons of skills

Henry: Name one

Jasper: You're a great dancer

Henry: No,I'm not

Jasper: You could take lessons

Henry: Oh,my gosh

Charlotte: What?

Henry: I'm--I'm not great at anything. This is tragic

Charlotte: Here,let me see

Henry: I'm just a big pile of average

Charlotte: Okay. Here's a job

Henry: Where?

Charlotte: At a store called Junk-N-Stuff. It says,"Needed,part-time helper for various duties"

Jasper: "Duties"

Charlotte: And see? It says,"No special skills necessary"

Henry: That's me. I've got to go get that job. You get the pine cones

Charlotte: Sweet. Good luck,Hen

Henry: Thanks

Jasper: If you give me a pine cone,I'll lick my elbow

[theme music playing]

[growling]

-What are you looking at?

Henry: Uh,nothing. Just,uh,this turtle's butt. Sorry

[Henry clears throat]

Henry: Uh,my name is Henry Hart. I'm here about the job

Gooch: The job

[burp]

Henry: Um,did that plant burp?

Gooch: Go back

Henry: Come back?

Gooch: Go back

Henry: Where?

Gooch: To the back

Henry: Oh,go to the back

Gooch: Take the elevator down

Henry: What floor?

Gooch: Down

Henry: The down floor?

Gooch: Good luck

[plant squeals]

Henry: You too

[cell phone rings]

Henry: Hey,what's up?

Jasper: Does my basement smell like chicken poop?

Charlotte: Yes

Henry: What?

Jasper: I'm down in my basement with Charlotte,and she said it smells like poop from a chicken

Charlotte: A sick chicken

Henry: Uh,what are you and Charlotte doing in your basement?

Charlotte: He wants to have his birthday party down here in this chicken toilet

Jasper: This is my home

Henry: Guys,I can't talk right now. I'm at a job interview,so I gotta go

[screams]

Jasper: Henry,you still there?

[screams]

[rock music blaring]

Jasper: (on phone) Henry? 

Charlotte: (on phone) Henry?

Henry: I'll call you back. Hello?

Ray: Hey,how are you? Cool. Thanks. Great to meet you. I'm doing good. What's your name?

Henry: Um,I'm Henry Hart. I'm here about the job

Ray: Age?

Henry: 13. I'll be 14 on my next birthday

Ray: Ah. So you're aging sequentially. I like that

Henry: Thanks

Ray: My name's Ray

Henry: Hi,Ray

Ray: You ask a lot of questions

Henry: I don't think I've asked any questions

Ray: Chocolate or vanilla?

Henry: Vanilla

Ray: Helicopters or kangaroos?

Henry: Helicopters

Ray: Love it. Scrambled eggs or dynamite?

Henry: Both

Ray: Maybe. Complete this sentence,"I'm sorry,Mother,I didn't mean for my elephant to blank"

Henry: Uh,lick Dad

[laughs]

[both laughing]

Ray: Well,that's not funny

Henry: No. Um,is this the job interview?

Ray: Do you want it to be the job interview?

Henry: Um,what is the job?

Ray: What do you think the job is?

Henry: Uh,well,the ad said part-time helper,so I'm thinking maybe you need someone to help you,you know,part time

Ray: Do you ever dream about sleeping?

Henry: No

Ray: Good. If you did,you'd be dead

Henry: I am so confused

Ray: David?

Henry: Henry

Ray: Can I trust you?

Henry: Sure

Ray: Can you keep a secret?

Henry: Totally

Ray: So I can trust you to keep a secret?

Henry: Yes,sir

Ray: I'm going to blow a bubble

Henry: You're going to blow a bubble?

Ray: And I'm going to blow your mind

Henry: You're Captain Man!

Ray/Captain Man: That's right,Henry. Hold on a second. Stupid zipper always sticks. Come--Ow,that's my skin! Yeah,there we go. (chuckles) Whoo! Always good to keep the old zipper lubed

Henry: I--I can't believe I'm standing here talking to Captain Man

Ray/Captain Man: Why,are you a fan? Do you like me? Most people like me,but not everyone

Henry: Yeah,I'm a huge fan. Oh,man,I've got to tell Jasper about this. He's gonna freak when I tell him I'm here standing next to Captain--

[screams]

Ray/Captain Man: Sorry,but you can't tell your friends about this

Henry: Okay. But--Did you have to melt my phone?

Ray/Captain Man: I'll get you a new one

Henry: Really?

Ray/Captain Man: No. So,Henry,tell me why you want a job

Henry: Well,you know,to--to learn responsibility and challenge myself

Ray/Captain Man: So you want money?

Henry: Lots of money

[elevator bell chimes]

-(in British accent) Oh,is this the ladies' room?

Ray/Captain Man: No,ma'am. You're not supposed to be down here

-(in British accent) What an interesting place

Ray/Captain Man: Thank you,but I'm conducting a job interview,and you're very old,so can you please just get back in the elevator?

-(in British accent) Oh,I'll just take me phone out of me purse and call me nephew

Ray/Captain Man: Great. I'll just turn my back and look at something

[flashback]

-What are you looking at?

[end of flashback]

Henry: Captain Man!

Ray/Captain Man: Oh!

[grunting]

-(in normal voice) Goodbye forever,Captain Man

Henry: No!

-(in British accent) Get off of me

Henry: Quit talking like a British lady

-(in British accent) Stop pulling me wig over me eyes. I can't see

[grunts]

Henry: Captain Man! Captain Man,are you okay?

Ray/Captain Man: Captain Man is always okay. Nice work,Boris

Boris: The boy did good job

Henry: Wait,wait,wait,wait. You know the--

Ray/Captain Man: That's Boris. He works for me

Henry: What?

Ray/Captain Man: How'd you know he wasn't really an old lady?

Henry: Uh,'cause of the tattoo on his neck. I saw it on him up in the store. And his boobs are two wobbly

Ray/Captain Man: True. Go get those under control. Henry,you have a sharp eye,good instincts,a nice shirt,and you're brave

Henry: Thanks

Ray/Captain Man: Do you know how to make sandwiches?

Henry: I do

Ray/Captain Man: Then you have all the qualities I'm looking for

Henry: But I--I don't--

Ray/Captain Man: You're the one,Henry

Henry: The one to make you a sandwich?

Ray/Captain Man: (laughs) No. Well,yes. But everybody gets old some day,even Captain Man. I can't do this forever

Henry: Do what?

Ray/Captain Man: Protect our town,Swellivew,from bad guys,bad things,bad smells

Henry: Smells?

Ray/Captain Man: You want to be horrified?

Henry: No

Ray/Captain Man: Watch this

[grunting and laughing]

Henry: Who's the freak in the diaper?

Ray/Captain Man: The Toddler,and don't let the diaper fool you,kid. He's pure evil

Henry: Wow

Ray/Captain Man: I'll show you wow. Watch this secret video that was intercepted by my people who intercept secret videos

The Toddler: (on computer) You were supposed to bring me my applesauce two minutes ago

Man #2: (on computer) I'm sorry,Toddler

The Toddler: Sorry don't make baby happy

[blowing raspberries on computer]

Man: (on computer) Toddler,good news. The radioactive zenite is here

The Toddler: (on computer) Really? Whoo-hoo! That means we can begin phase two of my plan

Man #2: (on computer) Will someone wipe my face?

The Toddler: (on computer) No! Dang. That takes so much effort. Have one of our scientists build me a device to do that

Man: (on computer) To do what,sir?

The Toddler: (on computer) This

[blowing raspberries]

[groans]

Ray/Captain Man: You see that?

Henry: He's a maniac

Ray/Captain Man: And there's more maniacs like him,all dangerous to the good citizens of Swellview

Henry: Well,yeah,but we've got you to stop them

Ray/Captain Man: True. But I'm not as young as I used to be. (Sighs) I'm almost 34. I need help,and someday someone's gonna have to take over for me

Henry: Like--Like me?

Ray/Captain Man: What do you say,Henry? Do you want to be my sidekick?

Henry: How much does it pay?

Ray/Captain Man: $9 an hour

Henry: Whoa!

Ray/Captain Man: I know,right?

[bell rings]

Jasper: Whoa!

Charlotte: Check this place out. Hey,look at this thing

Jasper: (on computer) Wow,a bucket of swords

Henry: What are they doing here?

Ray/Captain Man: Friends of yours?

Henry: Uh-huh

Charlotte: Jasper,please don't embarrass me

Jasper: Excuse me,sir

Charlotte: He's gonna do it

Gooch: Yes?

Jasper: How much?

Gooch: Each sword is $100

Jasper: No,no,no. How much for the bucket?

Gooch: The bucket?

Charlotte: That's not a bucket. That's a barrel

Jasper: It's close enough to a bucket. I collect buckets

Charlotte: Don't say it

Jasper: I'm a bucketeer

Ray/Captain Man: Well,they seem like nice kids

Henry: Yeah,their names are Jasper and Charlotte. I've known them ever since--

Ray/Captain Man: Get rid of them

Henry: I'll get rid of them-

Jasper: (on computer) Wow,what a bucket

Ray/Captain Man: Kid sure loves that bucket

Henry: Hey

Jasper & Charlotte: Henry!

Charlotte: Did you get the job?

Henry: (on computer) Yeah

Charlotte: (on computer) Cool

Jasper: (on computer) Does that mean I can get a discount on this bucket?

Henry: Dude,it's my first day here. You--You guys gotta--

Jasper: Excuse me,mysterious foreign man,do Henry's friends get a discount here?

Charlotte: That plant just shook it's head

Jasper: Wow

Henry: Would you two get him out of here?

Jasper: How much for the plant?

[mutters]

Gooch: The plant is not for sale

Henry: Bye,guys

Jasper: Come on. I'll give you seven bucks for it and one Canadian loonie. Ahhhhh! It spit in my eye!

Charlotte: I told you Canadian money upsets people

Henry: You guys,you've got to go now

Jasper: Wait,what about my bucket? I want the pretty bucket! I love that bucket!

Charlotte: (on computer) Will you shut up about that bucket?

Henry: Carry on

Henry: I gotta wear this?

Ray/Captain Man: All good sidekicks wear costumes

Henry: Sorry,but this is bad

Ray/Captain Man: I have more options. Too sparkly. Eh,it's a little Broadway. Too tight

Henry: Uh,way too tight

Ray/Captain Man: Oh,man...(sighs) I ate a lot of fruit. Hey,I like it

Henry/Kid Danger: I like it,but it takes a lot of time to put on

Ray/Captain Man: And that's why you'll need this special bubble gum

Henry/Kid Danger: Special?

Ray/Captain Man: Read the instructions

Henry/Kid Danger: "Chew gum,blow bubble,fight crime"

Ray/Captain Man: Now

Henry/Kid Danger: What's this for?

Ray/Captain Man: It means we're engaged

Henry/Kid Danger: What?

Ray/Captain Man: No,I'm just kidding. That's how I'll contact you

Henry/Kid Danger: Well,why can't you just call me?

Ray/Captain Man: I melted your phone

Henry/Kid Danger: Right

Ray/Captain Man: Now,listen closely. That wristband flashes

Henry/Kid Danger: It flashes

Ray/Captain Man: A triple flashing light means emergency like,"major stitch going down,so get here fast"

Henry/Kid Danger: Right

Ray/Captain Man: A double flashing light means it's just important

Henry/Kid Danger: And what is a single flashing light mean?

Ray/Captain Man: Just to,you know,shoot me a text whenever

Henry/Kid Danger: Got it

Ray/Captain Man: Now,raise your right hand. Spread your fingers. Turn your head and cough

Henry/Kid Danger: What?

Ray/Captain Man: (laughs) Joke. Place your left hand over your right lung and repeat after me. I,Henry Hart--

Henry/Kid Danger: I,Henry Hart--

Ray/Captain Man: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man--

Henry/Kid Danger: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man--

Ray/Captain Man: And to never ever,ever,tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick

Henry/Kid Danger: And to never ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick

Ray/Captain Man: You left out one "ever"

Henry/Kid Danger: Ever

Ray/Captain Man: It is done

Henry/Kid Danger: Feels good

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah

[alarm sounds]

Ray/Captain Man: Uh-oh. What's up,Gooch?

Gooch: (on computer) Someone sabotaged the bridge over the Jandy River

Ray/Captain Man: The bridge is down?

Gooch: (on computer) Affirmative

Ray/Captain Man: That means yes

Henry/Kid Danger: I got that

Ray/Captain Man: Situation?

Gooch: (on computer) Cars in the water,lives in danger

Ray/Captain Man: Understood

Ray/Captain Man: Phase two of The Toddler's plan. Let's ride

Henry/Kid Danger: Wha--Ride where?

Ray/Captain Man: We've got people in the Jandy River that need saving. Come on

Henry/Kid Danger: You mean we're going there,together,like,right now?

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah. Get under your tube

[beeping noises]

Ray/Captain Man: Ready?

Henry/Kid Danger: For what?

Ray/Captain Man: Up the tube

Henry/Kid Danger: I don't know how to--Whoosh!

Ray/Captain Man: (in the tube) Just tap your belt buckle

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh. Heh. Up the tuuuuuuuube

Woman on TV: And we're going to come back to that story so we can take you live to the Jandy Bridge,which mysteriously collapsed a little over an hour ago

Kris: Jake,honey,come look. The Jandy Bridge collapsed

Jake: What? Oh,no,that was my favorite bridge

Reporter on TV: We understand there are several people in cars in the water. People are injured

[evil laughter]

Jake: What happened?

Kris: They're not sure. They think--

Piper: Mom,Dad,I hate my life,and I'm not okay

Kris: Not now,honey. Daddy's favorite bridge collapsed

Piper: Who cares?

Jake: Your daddy cares

Piper: But every time I try to watch a video on my phone it keeps freezing,because our stupid Wi-Fi signal only gives me one bar

Jake: Then just wait until the video loads before you watch it

Piper: Oh,so we're living like animals now?

Kris: Later

Piper: I'll run away. I'll do it

Reporter on TV: Rescue workers were unable to get their equipment down the muddy embankment. Luckily,Captain Man arrived on the scene,leapt into the water,and saved the endangered citizens from drowning

News anchor on TV: And Ron,is it true that for the first time Captain Man wasn't working alone?

Reporter on TV: That's correct. It appears Captain Man has teamed up with a new sidekick,who apparently goes by the name Kid Danger

Kris & Jake: Huh

News anchor on TV: Well,once again Swellview owes a big thanks to Captain Man and,apparently,Kid Danger

Jake: Hey,Henry,did you get the job?

Henry: Yeah,just finished my first day

Kris: So how was work?

Henry: Uh,it was pretty...interesting

THE End

Danger Begins Part 2

Charlotte: Okay,George has six times as many dimes as quarters in his piggy bank

Jasper: Oh,yeah! Oh,yeah! I got two responses

Henry: To what?

Jasper: My birthday party invitation. Two guys said they might come

Henry: Who?

Jasper: Sidney Burnbaum and Oliver Pook

Charlotte: Ugh

Henry: Those guys eat bugs

Jasper: So? They're people. When'd you get a new phone?

Henry: Oh,uh,mine broke,so--what are you doing?

Jasper: You've got to get this new app

Henry: Wait. What app?

Charlotte: Hey,you never told us what you do at your new job

Henry: Oh,right,right

Charlotte: What do you do?

Henry: I--

Jasper: App installed

Henry: oh,great,the app. Tell me about the app

Jasper: It plays a billion sound effects,like school bell--

[bell rings]

Jasper: Cat choking on a hairball--

[choking sound]

Jasper: Ice cream truck--

Charlotte: You have the brain of a hamster

Jasper: I wish

Henry: Give me my phone

Jasper: Hey,did you guys hear what Captain Man did yesterday?

Charlotte: Oh,yeah,the Jandy Bridge

Henry: And so if you divide 9x by the square root--

Jasper: They say he pulled seven people out of the river and saved their lives

Charlotte: Yeah,and he has a new sidekick. There's a story about it on my news feed

Henry: Hey,let's talk about your birthday party

Jasper & Charlotte: Shhhh!

Charlotte: Here. "For the first time ever,Captain Man was not working alone"

Henry: Whoa. How'd that break?

Charlotte: "According to witnesses on the scene,Captain Man was heard calling his new sidekick 'Kid Danger'"

[glass shatters]

Charlotte: You just slapped my phone right out of my hand

Henry: Yeah,sorry. Sorry. I'm just--I'm worried. You and I gotta study,and I'm worried about Jasper's party,and there's--I don't know. I just--

[beeping]

Captain Man's voice: "A triple flashing light means emergency like,'major stitch going down so get here fast"

Henry: Uh,why don't you guys go to the zoo?

Charlotte: Why?

Jasper: You know I got banned from the zoo

[beeping continues]

Charlotte: What is that?

Henry: What,my thumb?

Charlotte: The bracelet that's beeping and flashing on your wrist?

Henry: Uh,it's,uh,a timer

Charlotte: What are you timing?

Henry: Muffins

Charlotte: You're making muffins?

Henry: Birthday muffins

Jasper: Yes!

Henry: Dang. There goes the surprise. I'll just turn this off. I'll just push the button

[muffled beeping continues]

Jasper: It's still on

Henry: No,it's not

Charlotte: We can see it flashing through your pants

Jasper: And we can still hear it beeping

Henry: I know. I,uh...I need a pickle

Charlotte: Wait! I thought we were gonna study

Jasper: Bring me back a pickle

Henry: Ray! Ray,what's wrong?

Ray & Leilani: 'So fun for everyone to sing E Hoomau' 'Maua Kealoha'

Henry: Uh,Ray?

Ray & Leilani: 'Hawaii make you say' 'Hele mei hoohiwahiwa'

Henry: Dude!

Ray: Henry,what goes on?

Henry: You triple beeped me. You said that means there's an emergency

Ray: Oh,right,sorry. I was just getting a ukulele lesson from Leilani. Take a break. Mmm. Yeah

Henry: So what's up?

Ray: We have a situation. And by we I mean our city,all of Swellview. Check this out

Henry: The Toddler?

Ray: He's the one that destroyed the Jandy Bridge yesterday

Henry: Why?

Ray: To set up phase three of his plan

Henry: What's phase three?

Ray: It's the phase that comes right after phase two but before phase four,if there is a phase four. But if there's no phase four,then phase three would be the final phase

Henry: So what happens in phase three?

Ray: Listen

Henry: Okay

Ray: While you and I were pulling people out of the river,the Toddler's men stole 5,000 packages of diapers. Can you guess why?

Henry: Um--

Ray: To bombard the diapers with radioactive zenite particles

Henry: I would not have guessed that

Ray: You want to see what happens when a baby pees into a diaper that's been bombarded with radioactive zenite particles?

Henry: No

Ray: Watch this

Henry: Why does he ask me?

[beeping]

The Toddler: (on computer) What's taking so long?

-(on computer) Well,he hasn't peed yet

The Toddler: (on computer) Well,give him some more apple juice

-(on computer) Wait,wait. He--I think he's peeing

[crying]

The Toddler: (on computer) Goody. Here comes the fun

[growling]

[evil laughter]

Henry: Oh,my gosh

Ray: Uh-huh

Baby: (on computer) Kill you. Kill everyone

Henry: Monster babies?

Ray: That's right,Henry,unless we stop the Toddler. Are you with me?

Henry: Well,yeah

Ray: Well,good. Meet me here tonight at 7:00 sharp

Henry: Wait,wait,wait. Tonight? No,I--I can't do tonight

Ray: What? What do you mean?

Henry: My--My best friend,Jasper,he's having his birthday party tonight,and--

Ray: Party? (Laughs) Henry,there's a freakish man-toddler out there about to turn all the babies in Swellview into that

Baby: (on computer) I'm fluffy!

Ray: And you're worried about a party?

Henry: But--But Jasper's been my best friend since we were five

Ray: Okay. Okay. It's cool. Uh,you go to Jasper's party. I'll handle The Toddler by myself. Don't worry about it

Henry: Are you sure?

Ray: Yeah,I've battled the Toddler alone before. Almost killed me,but whatever

Henry: Now I feel all bad

Ray: (chuckles) Don't feel bad. I'll save the world. You go have a fun time at Jasper's birthday party. Dance. Drink some fruity punch. Leilani,turn on the hot tub

Leilani: Yay. (Laughs)

Jasper: (over phone) You're supposed to be here

Henry: Okay. Yeah,Jasper. Jasper,I'm on my way

Jasper: (over phone) You got the muffins?

Henry: No. I'm not bringing the muffins

Jasper: (over phone) Wait. Did you hear what happened to Captain Man?

Henry: What about Captain Man?

Jasper: (over phone) He got captured

Henry: What?

Jasper: (over phone) Henry,am I handsome?

Reporter: (on TV) While reports are unclear,we do have confirmation that Captain Man has been captured,and is being held at a secret location

Henry: Captured? Dang it,Ray!

Reporter: (on TV) Next,why squirrels love nuts

Jasper: (over phone) Henry? Henry?

Henry: Uh,I can't talk. I'm *****-

'This is the moment that changes it all' 'This is the moment' 'This is the moment changes it all'

Oliver: You said there'd be ladies

Jasper: They'll be here. Hey,you guys like my shirt? It was a birthday present from my aunt

Oliver: It's okay

Sidney: It would look better if you wore Boinks

Jasper: What are Boinks?

Oliver: Check this. They really firm your trunk

Jasper: Do they?

Sidney: Heck yeah!

Oliver: Slap my gut

Jasper: Ehh--

Oliver: Yeah

Sidney: Me next

Jasper: Wow,firm

Charlotte: Wow

Charlotte: Cool party

Jasper: Where's Henry?

[gasping sounds]

The Toddler: Nyah,nyah,nyah,nyah,nyah,nyah

Ray/Captain Man: Come on,Toddler. Let me out of this thing before I puke

The Toddler: No. This is my playroom,my toys,my rules

Ray/Captain Man: Your sick under-developed maniac. Ow! Geez,man

The Toddler: Oh,I thought the famous Captain Man couldn't be injured

-He can't,but he does feel pain

The Toddler: You're not allowed to talk unless you raise your hand and I call on you! You stupid head

[electronic sputtering]

The Toddler: That's what you get

Ray/Captain Man: Come on,Toddler. Your insane plan won't work

[cell phone rings]

The Toddler: A lot you know

Henry/Kid Danger: What?

Jasper: You're late

Henry/Kid Danger: Well,sorry,but I'm kind of in the middle of something

Jasper: Something more important than my birthday party?

Henry/Kid Danger: Uh--

The Toddler: 48 hours from now every baby in Swellview will be a hideous monster

Henry/Kid Danger: Yeah,this is pretty important

Jasper: But you promised me that--

Charlotte: Henry,will you get your butt to the party? 'Cause so far it's just me,Jasper,Melody,and two dorks that keep slapping each other's Boinks

[both laughing]

Henry/Kid Danger: I gotta go

Charlotte: Henry

Ray/Captain Man: Come on,Toddler. Let me down from this thing. (Groans) It's squeezing me in bad ways

The Toddler: No! And now,Captain Man,I have thousands of babies to monsterize. And to make sure that you don't try to stop me,I will now destroy you

Ray/Captain Man: You idiot. I can't be destroyed

The Toddler: I know that! But you can be dropped...

[screams]

The Toddler: ...Into my bottomless ball pit

Ray/Captain Man: Tod--Tod--Todd--

The Toddler: Toddler? Playtime is over,Captain Man

[evil laughter]

[ice cream truck song plays]

The Toddler: Wait. Listen. (Gasps) It's the ice cream man. Yay! Woo-hoo! I'll destroy you in a minute. Come on,fellas,ice cream man. I hope they have mint chocolate chip

Ray/Captain Man: Come on! (Grunts)

Henry/Kid Danger: Captain Man

Ray/Captain Man: Henry!

Henry/Kid Danger: It's Kid Danger. Now quick,how do I get you down from there?

Ray/Captain Man: I don't know. This is the first time I've been trapped in a baby bouncer over a bottomless ball pit. Try that lever

Henry/Kid Danger: Right

The Toddler: There was no ice cream truck. Who tricked me? And who's that boy near my lever?

Ray/Captain Man: That's my sidekick,Kid Danger

The Toddler: I didn't know you had a sidekick. Why don't I have a sidekick? I want a sidekick!

-You have us

The Toddler: Shut up. You're dumb

Ray/Captain Man: Uh,Kid Danger?

Henry/Kid Danger: Yeah?

Ray/Captain Man: Why don't you pull that lever?

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh,right

The Toddler: No!

Ray/Captain Man: Whoa!

The Toddler: Squish the boy. Get him! Get him!

Ray/Captain Man: Kid Danger,look out!

[sputtering]

-Aaaah!

The Toddler: Oh,my God,he's got my thing that goes sspppfft! Get him! Get him!

Jasper: Where's Henry?

Charlotte: I don't know,but I bet he's having more fun than we are

Oliver: Hello?

Sidney: Hello?

Oliver: Hello?

Ray/Captain Man: Use the truck

-Come here

The Toddler: Hey,I hate you!

Ray/Captain Man: There,you've been kicked

[groans]

Henry/Kid Danger: Cut the bands!

The Toddler: Look at you

Ray/Captain Man: Get him,kid

[grunting]

The Toddler: Give me back my spit pistol

[dance music playing]

[grunts]

The Toddler: Go on,get him! You guys are seriously the worst henchmen ever

Ray/Captain Man: Kid Danger!

The Toddler: You boys think you're so spiffy. Well,have a look at my bang bottle

Ray/Captain Man: Bang bottle?

The Toddler: That's right,and it's filled with explodey-juice

Ray/Captain Man: Kid Danger,get out of here

Henry/Kid Danger: I'm not leaving without you

Ray/Captain Man: But that ****** is flashing

The Toddler: No one leaves

[shouts]

[beeps]

The Toddler: Now,we're all gonna go boom together

Henry/Kid Danger: What do we do?

Ray/Captain Man: Push me that way

The Toddler: (in slow motion) No! No! Help me! Get me out! Ugh,these balls smell like feet and pee. Oh,this is it for me. I've been hoisted by my own petard

[both exhale]

Ray/Captain Man: The bang bottle!

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh,man! What do we do with this?

Ray/Captain Man: We give the baby his bottle

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh,good call

Ray/Captain Man: Hey

Henry/Kid Danger: What's up?

Ray/Captain Man: Hurry

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh,right

Ray/Captain Man: Kid Danger!

[rapid beeping]

[The Toddler screams]

Ray/Captain Man: Nice work,Kid Danger. You got skills

Henry/Kid Danger: Thanks,Captain Man

[cell phone beeps]

Henry/Kid Danger: Jasper!

Ray/Captain Man: Oh,yeah,you'd better get to that birthday party

Henry/Kid Danger: Right. Uh,Ray,will you do me a huge favor?

[grunting]

[barking]

Charlotte: They've been doing that for two hours

Jasper: My party's a flop. I'm just gonna go upstairs and sit in my closet with my cat

Ray/Captain Man: Pardon me...My man van broke down out there in the street,so I walked into this house and came down to this basement

Jasper: Holy chunks,you're--You're Captain Man!

Ray/Captain Man: Thank you

Jasper: You're my hero

Ray/Captain Man: Of course

Charlotte: Mine too

Charlotte: Um,I'm Charlotte

Charlotte: Hi,Mr. Cap--Mapton. I mean--(laughs)

Ray/Captain Man: That's enough

Charlotte: I'm so sorry

Henry: And,um,I'm Henry

Ray/Captain Man: Nice to meet you,Henry

Jasper: Hey,Captain Man?

Ray/Captain Man: Yes,a question

Jasper: Can I hit you in the head with a baseball bat?

Henry: Dude

Charlotte: Jasper!

Ray/Captain Man: No,no,it's okay. But remember,kids,never do this to anyone but Captain Man,because regular people could be badly injured

[screams]

Jasper: Wow!

Ray/Captain Man: I wasn't done talking

Charlotte: Did that hurt?

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah,but I'm okay. Well,I should call a tow truck to come pick up my man van

Henry: Or,it's my best friend Jasper's birthday party

Jasper: Oh,oh,yeah,yeah,it is

Charlotte: You can stay and party with us if you wanna

Ray/Captain Man: Will there be soup?

Jasper: I'll open a can

Ray/Captain Man: Then I'd love to stay and party with you guys

[both screaming]

Henry: Uh,Captain Man

Ray/Captain Man: Yes,boy

Henry: Would it be cool if Jasper texted a few friends from school and told them you're here at his party?

Jasper: Yeah,can I?

Ray/Captain Man: Sure,I love being used

Charlotte: Yay

Jasper: Wow,thanks! This is,like,the coolest thing that's ever happened to me

Ray/Captain Man: Are your hands always this sweaty?

Jasper: Yes,sir

Henry: He takes medicine for it

Ray/Captain Man: Well,it's not working

-Hey,Jasper,rockin' party

Jasper: Right?

-I can't believe you got Captain Man to come here

Jasper: Hey,we're buds,right,Captain Man? Aren't we buds?

Ray/Captain Man: We sure are,Billy

Jasper: Uh,that's just how we kid around. We call each other Billy. Back at ya,Billy

Henry: Okay. Okay. Kill the lights

'Happy,happy,happy,happy birthday' 'Happy,happy,happy,happy birthday' 'Everybody wants to wish you' 'A happy birthday'

Jasper: Muffins

Henry: Yeah

Charlotte: Well,make a wish

[all clamoring]

[all cheering]

Girl: Do it!

Henry: Okay. Flip on the lights

Boy: Happy birthday,Jasper

Boy #2: Way to go

Jasper: Hey,where'd Captain Man go?

-Yeah,Where's Captain Man?

Charlotte: He's gone

Jasper: Aw,why'd he leave?

Charlotte: He probably had to go do superhero stuff

Henry: And you did break a bat over his head

Jasper: Yeah

Henry: Hey,if it makes you feel any better,me and Charlotte got you something

Jasper: What?

Charlotte: Look

[gasps]

Jasper: You got me the bucket?

Charlotte: It's a barrel. Will somebody turn on the music?

[dance music playing]

Henry: So you happy with your party?

Jasper: Heck yeah. But for a while there I thought you weren't gonna come

Henry: Come on,man. I'm always gonna be here for you

[beeping noise]

Henry: I gotta go

Charlotte: Birthday boy!

[all cheering]

[beeping continues]

The End

Mo' Danger Mo'Problems

[screaming]

[crashing]

[elevator dings]

[groans and exhales]

Henry: He's got to fix that elevator. Ray. Ray,you triple beeped me. What's the emergency? "Hey Henry. Put this watch on your wrist." Sure. What else would I put it on?

Ray: (on watch) Hiya,Henry

Henry: Oh! Ray?

Ray: (on watch) Yep. I'm hovering over your wrist in hologram form

[screaming]

Ray: (on watch) You poked my eye out!

Henry: Oh,I'm sorry. I'm sorry

Ray: (on watch) I'm just kidding. You can't hurt a hologram or a Captain Man

Henry: This is so cool. It's like we're in the same room

Ray: (on watch) We are

Henry: Where'd you...

Ray: Peek-a-boo

[screams]

Ray: Now,take off your old wrist band

Henry: Okay. Why am I...

Ray: From now on I'm going to contact you on your new whiz watch

Henry: So,what do I do with the old one?

Ray: Toss it up in the air

Henry: Why?

Ray: It's about to self-destruct

Henry: Oh

[beeping]

Ray: Hmm,that's weird. It was supposed to--

[clearing throats]

Ray: I see you're wearing pajama pants

Henry: Yeah. It's almost midnight. I was studying for this huge test I have tomorrow

Ray: What subject?

Henry: Puerto Rican history

Ray: Ah,Puerto Rico. Land of...

Henry: Puerto Ricans?

Ray: Right

[alarm wailing]

Ray: Uh-oh. What's up,Gooch?

Gooch: (on computer) There's a robbery in progress

Ray: Where?

Gooch: (on computer) At the 24-hour antique bottle shop

Henry: Glass From The Past?

Gooch: (on computer) Affirmative

Ray: On it. Shall we?

Henry: Let's blow some bubbles and fight some crime

Ray/Captain Man: Let's hit it,Kid Danger

Henry/Kid Danger: Fist

Ray/Captain Man: Up the tube

Henry/Kid Danger: Aw,my boot

Ray/Captain Man: Yell "up the boot"

Henry/Kid Danger: Up the boot! Ow!

Ray/Captain Man: Ha!

Shaft: Come on,bro,open up that cash register

Glass Store Owner: I'm going as fast as I can,boss

Shaft: Hey,give me that pretty lavender bottle 'cause it matches my motorcycle helmet

Glass Store Owner: Okay,okay

Shaft: You better bubble wrap that,chump

Glass Store Owner: Yes,sir. Yes,sir

Shaft: That ain't no good to me busted

Ray/Captain Man: Excuse me

Shaft: What the--

Glass Store Owner: Captain Man!

Ray/Captain Man: I hope you're planning to pay for that lavender bottle

Henry/Kid Danger: And I hope that,too

Glass Store Owner: Kid Danger!

Henry/Kid Danger: Yeah

Shaft: I ain't afraid of you

Ray/Captain Man: Try again. Keep your left arm straight. Strike three

Henry/Kid Danger: That was only two

Ray/Captain Man: Okay,don't correct me in front of the criminals

[grunting]

Glass Store Owner: Oh no!

Ray/Captain Man: You really want to fight us?

Shaft: Can I just fight the kid?

Ray/Captain Man: No,you can't just fight--

Henry/Kid Danger: Sure he can. Come on,tough guy

Shaft: Okay

Henry/Kid Danger: Hey,what are you--(muffled grunts) Oh,this smells so bad!

Glass Store Owner: No! Those are for display only!

Ray/Captain Man: Kid Danger,catch this golf club!

Henry/Kid Danger: Ow!

Glass Store Owner: You're not helping me!

Henry/Kid Danger: Captain Man,where are you?

Ray/Captain Man: Follow the sound of my voice!

Henry/Kid Danger: Marco!

Ray/Captain Man: Polo!

Glass Store Owner: Stop it!

Henry/Kid Danger: Marco!

Ray/Captain Man: Polo!

Glass Store Owner: Stop it!

Henry/Kid Danger: Marco!

Ray/Captain Man: Polo!

Glass Store Owner: Could you superheroes please just leave?

[groans]

Henry/Kid Danger: Marco!

Glass Store Owner: Oh no!

Ray/Captain Man: Kid Danger. Kid Danger. Kid Danger. Kid Danger

Henry/Kid Danger: Where is he? Did I get him?

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah,you got him

Glass Store Owner: My whole store is destroyed

Ray/Captain Man: No need to thank us

Glass Store Owner: Thank you?

Ray/Captain Man: You're welcome. Let's go,Kid Danger

Glass Store Owner: No! Nobody leaves until you boys clean up all of this broken glass

Ray/Captain Man: All right

Henry/Kid Danger: But I got to be up at 7:00 A.M for my test at school

Ray/Captain Man: This will only take us,like,five hours. I'll get you a broom

Sharona: Henry? Henry? Henry? Henry. Henry!

Henry: Whoa,what happened? Did you give me a wet willy?

Charlotte: Mm-hmm. It was real wet

Sharona: You slept through your entire test

Henry: I did?

Sharona: You all see this boy? This is what happens when you stay up all night on Twitflash and Twiddlegram

Jasper: Excuse me,Miss Shapen?

Sharona: What?

Jasper: Can I have a wet willy?

[theme music playing]

[door opens]

Jasper: Hey

Charlotte: Hey-hey. What are we watching?

Jasper: Natural Surgery

Charlotte: What is Natural Surgery?

Jasper: They do surgery,but with no anesthesia

Charlotte: No pain killers?

Jasper: None. See? That guy's getting a heart bypass

[man screaming]

Melody: Wicked

Charlotte: Hey Henry,come check out this show

Jasper: What's in the mug?

Henry: Coffee. To keep myself alive

Charlotte: No,no,no

Henry: What? Hey,bring that back

Charlotte: You're 13. You can't be drinking this much coffee after school

Henry: Charlotte

Charlotte: This mug is comedically large

Henry: But I need it

[TV turns off]

Jasper: What's the matter with you?

Henry: Nothing. I'm just...I got a lot going on

Jasper: Is it your hormones? Is your body changing,too? You been having weird dreams?

Henry: I haven't had any dreams because I'm not getting any sleep

Charlotte: I have the same dream all the time. It always starts with me getting a horse for my birthday,and then Jasper shows up,and then the horse kicks Jasper in the face

Jasper: But I end up being okay,right?

Charlotte: No

Kris: We're home. Henry come help me,please

Piper: Henry,come help your mother

Henry: What,what,what?

Kris: We got everything you need for you to make your chili balls for dinner tonight

Henry: Oh,no,no,no. I cannot make dinner tonight

Kris: We already bought everything. And it is your night

Piper: Make 'em spicy this time

Henry: Mom,seriously,I'm,like,so busy,I don't have time

Jasper: Hey,Piper

Piper: Oh,man,Jasper's here?

Kris: Piper,be nice

Piper: But Jasper's always here. It's not okay

Jasper: I'm going to the bathroom

Piper: Oh no,Mom. Jasper's going to use our bathroom

Kris: We'll be all right

Jake: Hey,everyone

Kris: Hi,honey

Charlotte: Hi,Mr. Hart

Jake: Charlotte

Piper: Jasper's in the bathroom

Jake: Ah,jeez

Piper: And Henry said he didn't want to make dinner

Jake: What? It's his night

Henry: I'm going to make dinner

Jake: Um,Henry,before you start...

Henry: What's up?

Jake: I got a call at work today from one of your teachers,Miss Shapen?

Henry: Wh--She called you at work? That's so rude of her

Jake: Apparently you fell asleep in class today and failed your Puerto Rican history test

Henry: Well...

Jake: Do you realize how important Puerto Rican history is?

Henry: Yeah. I'm sorry I fell asleep in class

Jake: Well,your teacher says it's been happening a lot. Falling asleep in class,not doing your homework

Henry: I know,it's...It's just kind of tough with school and my new job at Junk-N-Stuff

Jake: Well,if you can't keep your grades up,you're going to have to quit your job

Henry: I can't quit. My job's a really big deal

Jake: It's a junk shop. You sweep the floors

Henry: Miss Shapen said I can take a makeup test before school on Friday

Jake: I expect an "A"

Henry: You got it. I'll go upstairs and study right now

Jake: Hey,whoa,whoa. Hey,hey,hey. You study after you make the chili balls

Henry: But--

Jake: And make 'em spicy this time

Piper: Yeah!

Henry: Okay. Chili balls

Jake: Finally

Kris: Ah,ah,ah! Piper,no computers at the dinner table

Piper: But this morning I posted a comment and my comment has over 45 comments,so now I have to comment on the comments

Jake: I'm about to comment on you

Piper: What?

[watch beeping]

Henry: Uh,sorry,too tired to eat. Got to go to bed

Jake: More balls for us

[watch continues beeping]

Ray/Captain Man: (on watch) Henry,why aren't you on your way here?

Henry: Because I got in trouble for sleeping in class today and I had to make chili balls

Ray/Captain Man: (on watch) Chili balls?

Henry: It was my night

Ray/Captain Man: (on watch) Kid,there's been an escape from Swellview prison I need you

Henry: All right,I'll be there in 10 minutes

Ray/Captain Man: (on watch) Good. Run like a bunny

Henry: Okay. I just got to get my special gum. I can do this. I just...(shudders) Wake up. Wake up. Just got to stand up. And maybe...Just...Run like a bunny. Run little bunny

[watch beeping]

[grunts]

Ray/Captain Man: Henry!

[knocking]

Ray/Captain Man: Henry,open up!

[watch stops beeping]

Henry: Ugh,what is that smell?

Ray/Captain Man: I'm that smell

Henry: Wh--Captain Man? What are you doing here?

Ray/Captain Man: What are you doing here?

Henry: Huh?

Ray/Captain Man: I called you 90 minutes ago and I told you we had an emergency

Henry: Oh,right. I...I guess I fell asleep

Ray/Captain Man: (mocking) "I guess I fell asleep"

Henry: (sniffs) Ugh,why do you stink?

Ray/Captain Man: I stink because I just spent the last hour chasing three criminals through the Swellview sewer. You know what's down in the Swellview sewer?

Henry: Poop?

Ray/Captain Man: Poop!

Piper: (in the hallway) Henry! Hey!

[banging]

Henry: Oh,my sister

Ray/Captain Man: We have a lot to talk about

Henry: Just get--

Ray/Captain Man: Don't you push me

[screams]

Ray/Captain Man: I'm okay!

Piper: Who were you talking to in here?

Henry: (scoffs) Nobody

Piper: Mom!

Henry: Ah,geez

Kris: What is it,sweetie?

Piper: Henry was talking to someone in his room and now he says nobody's in here

Kris: Well,I'm sure if Henry said nobody was in here,then--(sniffs) Ugh! What is that smell?

Henry: Uh...it's Piper

Piper: What?

Henry: She hasn't had a bath in a week

Piper: That's a lie

Kris: Okay,come on,baby,we're going to go get you a bath

Piper: I don't need a bath! Mom!

Kris: It's just a bath

[screams]

Henry: Don't sneak up on me like that

Ray/Captain Man: You disappointed me tonight

Henry: I'm disappointing everybody. People should just call me "Kid Disappointment"

Ray/Captain Man: All right,well,just tell me what the problem is

Henry: Time. School. Working for you. My family. It's just...It's a lot to handle

Ray/Captain Man: Well...I do know a guy who could get rid of your family

Henry: What?

Ray/Captain Man: Kidding. I joke. I do know a guy. Oh! I think I can fix your problem

Henry: Really?

Ray/Captain Man: Meet me at headquarters tomorrow

Henry: I'm there

Ray/Captain Man: Hey. Who's this?

Henry: My mom

Ray/Captain Man: Nice. She...She still married to your dad?

Henry: Yes

Ray/Captain Man: She ever seem lonely or bored to you?

Henry: Go home,Ray. The picture,Ray

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah,all right

[bell rings]

Sharona: All right,class,everybody take your seats. Sit down. Sientense

Charlotte: Hey,have you seen Henry?

Jasper: Uh-uh

Sharona: Dang it,where's Henry Hart? Jasper?

Jasper: He's not here

Sharona: I can see that

Charlotte: Uh,Henry's home sick

Jasper: You said you didn't know where he was

Charlotte: Yes,but we know that Henry would be in school unless he was home sick or else he'll be in trouble

Jasper: Oh,right. Henry has hepatitis

Henry: Um...What's that thing doing?

Gooch: Scanning your brain

Henry: Oh,cool

Gooch: Take a deep breath. Now,go,"ooodle,ooodle,ooodle"

Henry: Ooodle,ooodle,ooodle

Gooch: No,you're off key. It's ooodle,ooodle,ooodle

Gooch & Henry: Ooodle,ooodle,ooodle...

Henry: Why am I doing this?

Ray: Relax,kid

Henry: I can't. I got a huge makeup test tomorrow and I got to study,and you guys are making me go,ooodle,ooodle,ooodle

Gooch: Oh,no,it's,ooodle,ooodle,ooodle

Henry: I don't care! I don't have time to relax

Ray: Exactly. Your only problem is a lack of time

Gooch: Imagine if you could do all your studying for school in only 30 seconds

Henry: How can I learn anything in 30 seconds?

Ray: With this. The cerebral data transducer. Or as we call it,the H.R.Z

Gooch: This device can transfer knowledge from a data source directly into your brain

Ray: At 90 million digibles per second

Henry: Why am I locked in a chair?

Ray: Do you want to get a good grade on your Puerto Rican math test?

Henry: History

Ray: Same thing

Gooch: Let us begin the procedure

Ray: Yeah,let's do it. All right. Now,I'll set the computer to acquire all the world's historical knowledge on Puerto Rico

Henry: Whoa,intense. But,uh,will this hurt?

Gooch: Yes,very much

Henry: What?

Ray: Power up

[groans]

Henry: Sweet! Wait,so,how will I know--Whoa,it hurts!

Ray: Just enjoy it

[screaming]

[groaning]

Ray: Well?

Henry: That hurt bad

Gooch: Yes,but tell us about Puerto Rico

Henry: I don't know anything about--Puerto Rico is a series of islands with a land mass of 3,5000 square miles and a population of 3.6 million people. It's glorious beaches and lush rainforests are the perfect setting for a wedding,bar mitzvah,or growing bananas. Oh. Whoa. I know Puerto Rico

Gooch: Indeed

Ray: You see? With this you can learn anything you need to know for school in a matter of seconds

Henry: Yeah. Wait. You think it's cheating?

Ray: Eh...No,not really

Gooch: It's a gray area

Henry: I guess. Anyway,I really doing this appreciate you for me

Ray: Uh-oh

Gooch: It's the side effects

Henry: What's side effects?

Ray: You see,after you use the H.R.Z.,when you talk,you might mix up your words for a few days

Henry: Well,you could have before that you told me

Gooch: The important thing is that now you're going to do well on your test

Henry: Yeah

[girl scream]

Henry: Why did I just--

Gooch: That's another side effect

Ray: Sometimes you'll scream like--

[girl scream]

Ray: A girl

Gooch: For a few days

Henry: Oh,so I'm a girl like a days for a few screams. Wait

[girl scream]

Ray: You guys want to get lunch?

Gooch: Yeah

Henry: What?

Sharona: And because the New Hampshirian soldiers were better equipped,the Vermont Army finally surrendered and fled the coconut plantations

Charlotte: Coconuts in Vermont?

Jasper: I drew a picture of me

[bell rings]

Sharona: Okay,everyone,get out. Out. Henry,may I see you?

Henry: Yeah,sure. What's up?

Sharona: Your grade

Henry: 100 I makeup test on my got? I mean...I got 100 on my makeup test?

Sharona: You answered every question perfectly

Henry: Awesome

[girl scream]

Sharona: That was inappropriate

Henry: I just got excited

Sharona: I'm proud of you,Henry. I'd give you a hug if it wouldn't get me fired

Henry: Thanks

Sharona: Have a good weekend

Henry: Too you

Charlotte: 100

Henry: Yeah,baby

Charlotte: Wh,wh,wh,wait

Henry: What?

Charlotte: Where were you yesterday? You weren't in class

Henry: I got to had somewhere

Charlotte: One more time?

Henry: I had...to go somewhere. Nailed it

[girl scream]

Henry: You later see

[girl scream]

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