The Secret Gets Out

Henry: Here I come. Here I come. Here I come

Charlotte: No you don't. No you don't. No you don't

Henry: I'm going to get you

Charlotte: No you won't

Jasper: Hey,guys. You got to check this out

Charlotte: Quiet!

Henry: We're playing a game

Jasper: No problem. I'll take over your screen

Charlotte: Hey,hey,hey!

Henry: Whoa,whoa,whoa!

Jasper: Just watch the video

Henry: What video?

Jasper: It's from the news last night. It's called "Captain Man's big fail"

Charlotte: Ooh,play it

Henry: Hey,look. My belly button

Charlotte: Play the video

Woman: (on TV) We're live in downtown Swellview where the Phone Shark has struck again. This time the Phone Shark bit through a dozen people's cell phones,then fled the scene,once again escaping capture from Captain Man. Captain Man,isn't it true that the Phone Shark has been attacking people's phones for over a year now?

Ray/Captain Man: (on TV) Yes,that is true

Woman: (on TV) So,why don't you catch him?

Ray/Captain Man: (on TV) Well,Kid Danger and I have been trying

Woman: (on TV) But you keep failing. Doesn't that bug you?

Ray/Captain Man: (on TV) Yes

Charlotte: Aw. I feel bad for Captain Man

Jasper: It's not Captain Man's fault. He just needs a better sidekick

Henry: One more time?

Jasper: Just saying,I'd be way better at catching bad guys than Kid Danger

Henry: (scoffs) You couldn't catch butt warts

Charlotte: Oh,yes he could. Remember fifth grade?

Jasper: That was a rash. Big difference

Henry: Whatever. I think Kid Danger does a great job

Charlotte: Why are you getting all mad?

Henry: Because Jasper's being unfair. And I think it's unfair to criticize that--that Kid Danger guy,when he's probably doing the best he can. And people should be fair,you know? Fairness,I'm pro fair

Piper: Jasper

Jasper: What?

Piper: Get up

Jasper: Why should I?

Piper: 'Cause you're going to carry me to my friend Marla's house

Jasper: I'm not going to carry you. I ain't no horse

Piper: Fine. Then I'll just upload this video so the whole world can see it

Charlotte: Video of what?

Piper: Him...trying to sing "The Cup Song"

Jasper: I never did that! Why would I do that? I never did that

Piper: Watch

Jasper: (on TV) 'I got my ticket for the long way round' 'Two bott--' Dang it. I'll never be pitch perfect

Jasper: Okay,stop it. Turn it off. Turn it off

Charlotte: Where did you get that wig?

Jasper: You don't need to know

Henry: How did you get that video?

Jasper: She must have swiped my thumb drive

Piper: Maybe I did

Jasper: Ooh,you're so bad

Henry: Piper,you better not put that video online

Piper: Oh,I won't. As long as he carries me to Marla's house

Jasper: No

Piper: 'I got my ticket for the long way round'

Jasper: Okay,fine. Get on my back. Get on me

Charlotte: If he goes too slow,just kick him in the side

Jasper: No. Ow!

Piper: Hyah. Hyah

[watch beeping]

Charlotte: Yeah,we've been meaning to ask you,why does your new watch beep like that?

Henry: It just means they need me at work. Bye

Charlotte: But it's Sunday. Junk-N-Stuff is closed

Henry: Right. I better go tell the customers

Charlotte: There is something up with that boy

Charlotte: He's not

[theme music playing]

[panting]

Jasper: I'm so tired

Piper: Ugh,quit whining. It was only four miles

Jasper: Four miles there and four miles back

Piper: Just take me up to my room

[grunting]

[groans]

Jasper: I'm going to die

Piper: Not in the house. If you're going to die,do it outside

[exhales]

Charlotte: You're home late

Henry: (to Charlotte) What are you...How did you get in my house? Why are you here?

Charlotte: Because me and Melody are suspicious

Henry: Of what?

Charlotte: Why did you climb in your window?

Henry: Because the front door was locked and I forgot my key

Charlotte: You know your parents always leave a spare key under the mat

Henry: I like your shirt

Charlotte: where have you been?

Henry: Working. You know,just working

Charlotte & Melody: Really?

Charlotte: Because I called Junk-N-Stuff. Nobody answered

Henry: Okay. You want to know where I've been?

Charlotte & Melody: Yeah

Henry: You want the truth?

Charlotte & Melody: Yeah

Henry: I'm a jazz musician. I don't tell a lot of people,but secretly,I play jazz and the only time the jazz clubs are open is late at night,so that's where I was,at a jazz club blowing jazz...on my horn

[sniffing]

Charlotte: Hmm

Henry: Why did you sniff my hair?

Charlotte: I heard on the news tonight that Captain Man and Kid Danger put out a fire at a syrup factory

Henry: Oh,did they?

Charlotte: Yeah. And your hair smells like syrup

[sniffing]

Henry: It does. I wonder why

Charlotte: Maybe because you're Kid Danger

[nervous scoffing]

Henry: Kid Da--I wish. That would be nice,you know. (Chuckles) Oh! Yeah. (To Charlotte) And I guess you must be Beyoncé

Charlotte: Henry

[sighs]

Henry: Okay. This is really big what I'm about to tell you guys

Charlotte: What,that you're Kid Danger?

Henry: Shut up! Just...Just...I'm Kid Danger

Charlotte: I know. I figured that out

Henry: Just promise me you'll never tell anyone

Charlotte: I promise

Melody: Me too

Henry: No,you don't understand. I took an oath that I'd ever tell anyone that I'm Captain Man's sidekick

Charlotte: We swear. We're never going to tell

Henry: Thanks

Charlotte: Can I tell Jasper?

Henry: No! Wha...?

Woman: (on TV) We're live in downtown Swellview where the Phone Shark has--

[audio garbled]

Woman: (on TV) But you keep failing. Doesn't that bug you?

Ray/Captain Man: (on TV) Yes

Henry: (clears throat) Ray?

Ray: Henry. I didn't know you were working today. Did I butt beep you?

Henry: No. Uh...can I talk to you about something?

Ray: Babies come from the baby store

Henry: It's not about that

Ray: Oh. Whew. What's up?

Henry: You know my friend Charlotte and my baby sister Melody?

Ray: Yeah

Henry: Yeah,well,she's,like,really smart. While my sister loves every single superhero. And,uh,they...Kind of figured out...

Ray: Figured out what?

Henry: That,um...I'm Kid Danger. (Chuckles)

[chortles]

Henry: Isn't that kooky?

Ray: Yeah. What did you tell them?

Henry: That I am...Kid Danger

Ray: Oh. Interesting

Henry: You're not mad,right?

Ray: Mad? No

Henry: Cool

Ray: You're fired

Henry: Fired?

Ray: That's right. You can leave your watch on the table there

Henry: But I swear I didn't want to tell them. They figured it out

Ray: Henry...You took an oath

Henry: I know,but...

Ray: You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone. And I trusted you to keep that promise. When trust is broken,it can never be fixed

Henry: Yes it can

Ray: Open this cookie and read the fortune

Henry: "When trust is broken it can never be fixed"

Ray: Let's not argue with the Chinese. Goodbye,Henry

[metal door clatters]

[metal doors closing]

[door shuts]

Charlotte: Captain Man fired you?

Henry: Mm-hmm

Charlotte: But--But it's not your fault we figured you're Kid Danger

Henry: Doesn't matter. I broke my oath

Charlotte: Well,you got to fix this

Henry: How?

Charlotte: I don't know. But you're not going to find the answer at the bottom of a bottle of chocolate

Henry: I won't know if I don't look. Jasper was right

Charlotte: About what?

Henry: I was a lame Kid Danger. I couldn't even help Captain Man catch the stupid Phone Shark

Charlotte: I feel awful

Henry: It's cool. I still got my jazz

[jazz music plays]

Henry: 'I got my ticket for the long way round' 'Two bottles of chocolate for the way' 'And I can't believe I got fired today' 'But I did and it's kind of all your guy's fault'

Jasper: Piper! Piper!

Piper: (upstairs) What?

Jasper: I finished doing your laundry!

Piper: (upstairs) Good! Bring me some quinoa!

Jasper: You ate all the quinoa!

Piper: (upstairs) Then go buy more quinoa! Or else I'll get my phone and upload the video so everybody can see you try to sing "The Cup Song!"

Jasper: No,I'll buy you some more quinoa!

Piper: (upstairs) Hurry!

Jasper: Ugh,you're so bad!

[phone ringing]

Henry: Hey Char,what's up?

Charlotte: (over phone) Henry. Come to Swellview park right now

Henry: No. I'm not in the mood for trees

Charlotte: Did I ask you what you're in the mood for?

Henry: No

Charlotte: Come to Swellview park right now

[Piper screams]

Piper: Henry!

[sighs]

Henry: What?

Piper: Were you in the upstairs bathroom?

Henry: Is that makeup on your face?

Piper: You knocked my phone in the toilet

Henry: Oh. Sorry

Piper: Sorry? All my texts and pics are gone. And my video of Jasper

Jasper: (in kitchen) I'm Jasper

Henry: You know you're going to be in a lot of trouble if Mom catches you wearing her makeup

Piper: Mom's not going to find out

Henry: But where are you going dressed up like that?

Piper: To a club with my girls

Henry: What club?

Piper: Club Eleven

Henry: Well,you got to be at least 10 years old to get into Club Eleven

Piper: Well,I'm 11 years old tonight. See?

Henry: This isn't your library card. It's Mindy Flavin's

Piper: Duh. I bought it off her

Henry: Well,you better hope Mom and Dad don't find out

Jasper: (in kitchen) Oh yeah. Now who's got the upper foot?

Piper: Now,what are you going to do about my wet phone?

Henry: Later,I got to go meet Charlotte and probably Melody too

Piper: Henry!

Jasper: So...Too bad you lost that video of me. 'Cause I ain't going to lose this video of you

Piper: What are you yamming about?

Jasper: I bet your mom and dad are going to love seeing you dressed up like that wearing makeup,flashing your fake I.D to go clubbing with your girls behind their backs. Now you're going to do whatever I say

Piper: This is not okay!

[orchestral music playing]

Henry: What's going on?

Charlotte: Check out that guy standing by the groom

Henry: The guy with the crazy teeth?

Charlotte: Yeah. He's the Phone Shark

Henry: Oh. Whoa. That does look like him

Charlotte: It is him. Now,do Captain Man a favor and go catch the Phone Shark...Kid Danger. What up with the gum?

Henry: Anybody watching?

Charlotte: No,why? Whoa. How does that whole costume fit inside one little gum ball?

Henry: Just...Just wait there,all right?

-And now,do thee,Shirley,take he,Claude,to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health,in fitness and obesity,as long as you both can stand it?

Shirley: I do

Henry: Hey,congratulations

[crowd gasps]

Man: What's he doing?

Woman: It's that kid

-That's Kid Danger

Man: Young man...This wedding isn't over

Henry: I know. I just wanted to show that hairless guy my brand new phone...that's never been bitten. Come on. Yeah. You know you want to bite it. Come on,yeah. (Sniffs) Mmm! Gotta love that new phone smell. Yeah. Come on. Come on!

Phone Shark: Give it to me!

Henry: Catch it!

[grunting]

Phone Shark: Give me the phone!

Man: He's the Phone Shark!

Man #2: Get him!

[screams]

-He's insane!

[grunting]

Man: Oh,my God!

Woman: Someone call the cops!

[roars]

[woman scream]

[snarling]

Henry: Hey! Hey! Come on! Come on,Phone Shark! Come on,come and get it!

[screams]

Man: Phone Shark down! Go Kid Danger!

[cheers and applause]

Woman: (on computer) Kid Danger,how were you able to locate and finally apprehend the Phone Shark?

Henry/Kid Danger: (on computer) Well,I'd love to take all the credit,but it was really my boss,Captain Man,who made it all happen

Woman: (on computer) Interesting. Can you tell us more?

Henry/Kid Danger: (on computer) No

Ray/Captain Man: You gave me all the credit

Henry/Kid Danger: Well,everyone's been giving you a hard time about not catching the Phone Shark. I figured I'd help you out

Charlotte: Uh,excuse us. We're the one who found the Phone Shark

Henry/Kid Danger: It's true,they did

Ray/Captain Man: Ugh! Charlotte,Charlotte. What am I going to do with you?

Charlotte: Um,I think it's pretty obvious

Ray/Captain Man: What's that?

Charlotte: Give me a job here. You guys need Me

Ray/Captain Man: First I want to know how you two found the Phone Shark

Charlotte: Well,I figured no guy with normal teeth can bite through a phone,right?

Ray/Captain Man: Okay

Charlotte: So I started calling every dentist in Swellview until I found one who told me he had a patient who asked for a whole mouthful of titanium teeth

Ray/Captain Man: We should've called some dentists

Henry/Kid Danger: Totally should've

Charlotte: Then I hacked into the dentist's computer files,got the guy's name,and searched him online

Ray/Captain Man: Oh,we should've gone online

Henry/Kid Danger: What is wrong with us?

Charlotte: Oh,and his last update said,"Off to my brother's wedding in Swellview Park. Hope they serve phones for desert. LOL"

Henry/Kid Danger: And then they called me

Ray/Captain Man: They're good

Henry/Kid Danger: They are. They could really help us out around here

Ray/Captain Man: Us?

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh,right. You fired me

Ray/Captain Man: Well,you broke the oath

Henry/Kid Danger: And I caught the Phone Shark. Come on,Ray,hire me back

Ray/Captain Man: All right,you're re-hired

Henry/Kid Danger: Yes!

Charlotte: (clears throat) Cough,cough,cough

Henry/Kid Danger: Oh,right. And what are you going to do about Charlotte & Melody?

[groans]

Ray/Captain Man: Well,they know you're Kid Danger,they know who I am,and they know where the man cave is because you brought them down here

Charlotte: So,what does that mean?

Ray/Captain Man: That we either have to kill you two,erase your brain,or give you a job

Charlotte: I vote job

Henry/Kid Danger: We can really erase her brain?

Charlotte: Dude

Ray/Captain Man: All right,they can have a job here

Henry/Kid Danger: Awesome

Ray/Captain Man: If...They can pass the pickle test

[grunting]

Ray/Captain Man: Thanks,Bork. Now,grunt and exit

[grunting]

Ray/Captain Man: Charlotte...you must now prove you're clever enough to work for Captain Man

Charlotte: Uh,I found the Phone Shark

Ray/Captain Man: Well,anyone could do that

Charlotte: Not you two

Ray/Captain Man: Hey,you know what?

Henry/Kid Danger: Okay,let's not go there again

Ray/Captain Man: Now...To prove your worthiness,you two must get that pickle out of that jar that Bork just power-screwed shut

Henry/Kid Danger: How much time do they have?

Ray/Captain Man: Exactly five min--

Charlotte: Here's your pickle

Ray/Captain Man: That was Bork's favorite jar

Henry/Kid Danger: Wait,is Charlotte & Melody hired?

Ray/Captain Man: Yeah,yeah,they're hired

Henry/Kid Danger: Wait,you want to see something cool?

Charlotte: Yeah

Henry/Kid Danger: Hug me. Just trust me

Charlotte: Whoa

Henry/Kid Danger: Up the tube!

[Charlotte screams]

Jasper: Yeah. Now you have to squeeze my foot

Piper: No. This pedicure is over

[sighs]

Jasper: Mrs. Hart! Want to see a video of your daughter?

Piper: Shh! I'm squeezing,I'm squeezing

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