Chatroom of the Immortals
Chapter 4: "Cultivation for Dummies"
[CelestialExchange_Market — 21 new messages]
HeavenlySword_Emperor
The energy of the Mystic Pill still lingers in your bloodline.
It is time. Begin your cultivation.
MIRA_LOPEZ
Begin what now??
I just gave my lola a pill and she started twerking to ’80s music.
Now you're telling me to "cultivate"?
Am I planting rice or what??
Silent_Scroll_Sage
You have to harness Qi.
Draw the energy of the heavens into your meridians.
Let your dantian awaken.
Jade_Cloud_Healer
🧘♀️ Begin with breathing.
Visualize light entering your body.
Start with the Basic Qi-Gathering Manual.
📦 [1x Cultivation Manual: Basic Qi-Gathering (Beginner)] received.
File type: Glowing Scroll (auto-scroll feature active)
MIRA_LOPEZ
Okay. I just opened the scroll and now it’s FLOATING in the air.
Words are glowing. My electric fan is reacting.
MIRA_LOPEZ
My dog ran out of the room.
Is this normal?? 😭😭
Fairy_Lotus_Phoenix
The scroll has acknowledged you.
It will guide your spirit through the First Gate.
Cosmic_Panda
🐼 don’t fart during meditation
Cosmic_Panda
it disrupts the Qi flow
MIRA_LOPEZ
There’s tricycle noise outside
My neighbor is karaoke-ing “Bakit Pa” at full volume
MIRA_LOPEZ
I HAVE NO INNER PEACE 😭
Iron_Will_Grandmaster
True cultivation begins by mastering chaos.
Even amidst noise… silence can be found.
MIRA_LOPEZ
Sige na nga.
I’ll sit on my yoga mat.
deep breath
Inhale... light.
Exhale… Jollibee stress.
Inhale... Qi?
Exhale... unpaid bills.
MIRA_LOPEZ
Guys... my hands are glowing.
My fingertips are tingling.
WHAT IS HAPPENING.
HeavenlySword_Emperor
You have drawn in natural Qi.
Your foundation has begun.
System Message:
🌟 Cultivation Stage Unlocked: Body Refinement: Level 1
🧘 Progress: 2%
📈 Dantian Activation: Weak but present
MIRA_LOPEZ
...I feel like I just drank 3 cups of coffee and got zapped by a lightbulb.
Is that supposed to happen???
Flame_Dragon_Daoist
🔥 YOU’RE FEELING THE BURN
THAT’S GOOD
DON’T DIE THO 🔥🔥🔥
Fairy_Lotus_Phoenix
Continue daily.
Do not overdraw your spirit.
And perhaps… turn off the electric fan next time.
MIRA_LOPEZ
Note to self:
Do not meditate near appliances.
I almost microwaved my soul.
Cosmic_Panda
🐼 she’s gonna be a chaotic cultivator
i love this arc
MIRA_LOPEZ
So… what’s next?
Do I get a sword?
A glowing tattoo?
Or like, free data for life?
System Message:
🔓 New Feature Unlocked: “Spirit Inventory: Beginner Tier”
🎯 Next Quest: “Unlock Your First Spirit Weapon (Optional)”
MIRA_LOPEZ
I swear if the weapon is delivered through my phone again I’m gonna scream 😩
HeavenlySword_Emperor
Patience. The sword chooses the wielder.
HeavenlySword_Emperor
...But also, yes. It may arrive through your charger port.
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