1: Social Sucicide

I remember reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid when I was little, that's why I stuck the "of a nobody" in front of "diary". If my therapist is gonna make me waste my time writing about my day then I might as well make it fun. But it's true, I can't be wimpy if nobody even knows my name. It's not like my mom could even afford a therapist, the school had to help her out, yeah, I'm basically going to school-manaded therapy. I can tell my therapist how I feel, the only problem is I can't quite tell her why, that's why she's having me write down stuff about my day at the end of every day. Today wasn't good, Ayesha's boyfriend shoved me into a locker and then apologized like it was an accident, but I doubt I could ever explain school drama to my therapist. I think it's like a pyramid, I drew it out once.

At the top you have the people no one bothers, the "queen bees" although not all of them are girls, but the girls are the most cruel anyway, underneath them are their "friends and allies", below them are their "sheep", people that hang on every word they say, dreaming one day they'll move up to the "friends and allies" rank. Below them are the "averages", they have big friend groups but they aren't extremely popular, and they don't usually care about being popular, they care more about getting good grades and having fun with their friends, in my opinion, that makes them above everyone else. Then you have the "somebodies" they're somebody because they know somebody, they usually have 1-4 friends and stay away from anyone that isn't a friend, maybe they wish to move up in the ranks or maybe they're fine with where they are. Then, at the bottom you have the nobodies, they're nobody because nobody knows them. That's where I am in the ranks, and there's no way I can move up in them.

I'm comfortable with where I am on the ranks, sure, I wouldn't mind having some friends to talk to but that's just not something that happens to me. Everyone thinks I'm homeless, it's just a rumour, but my family isn't the wealthiest. Just this week my mom found out how much money we’re spending on water. She got mad because she knew I had been taking very long showers recently, she basically banned me from showering and told me if I wanted to shower then I could ask our neighbour to use her shower. Doesn't she know that's social suicide? I can't admit to being poor, I've been fighting those rumours for years. So...I smell. I'm aware I smell, all my teachers make fun of me for it, but I'd like to see them struggle as much as my mom is right now. I'd like to see them work up the courage to ask someone else to use their shower.

As much as I hated the diary idea it kind of worked, if I read this at my next appointment I'd be able to pick out many specific things that bother me: My family is poor, I don't have any friends and asking someone to use their shower is fucking weird.

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