Episode 18

Sophia

For the tenth time, I clean Mia's face and hands. She makes such a mess every time she eats her puree, but I love watching her enjoy the meals I prepare. Today, I started adding meat to the mix, and I think she appreciated the change, given that for the past ten weeks it's been only vegetables and I could tell she was getting tired of the same taste.

"More?" I ask, and the little one bangs the tray of her high chair with her fists, which I interpret as a yes.

"She's got a big appetite today," Anna says as she washes the kitchenware I used for cooking.

"Yes, the little one loves her meat. She's like a tiny tiger."

Sophia hands me the carrot juice bottle from the countertop.

I offer Mia some, but she starts to fuss when I stop spoon-feeding her the puree to give her the juice instead.

"Have you heard anything from Gabriel?" I ask again.

I've been inquiring frequently, as the only news I get about him is through Anna. The jerk won't answer my calls, and he didn't reply when I sent him a message.

"Nothing since you last asked," she says with a hint of sympathy in her glance, which somehow makes me feel even worse.

I know I'm not important enough to affect him, but it feels like he's avoiding me. I haven't seen him since the night we had dinner at Dante's when he and I... I refuse to dwell on that thought.

It's been so long that I'm starting to question if it actually happened, maybe I dreamt it all and we never kissed. Perhaps I read too much into it all. Maybe to him, I'm just a silly girl who played with fire and got burned.

Mia makes an impatient noise, pulling me back to the present.

I finish feeding her, feeling foolish. I'm putting too much stock in a kiss, if it even happened. For Gabriel, it probably doesn't mean anything; he might have even forgotten about it, but I can't. And it's not just because it was my first kiss, it's something more than that. For me, it was discovering a world that until that moment had been completely unknown and foreign. A world I would've liked to explore with him.

Enough, Sophia.

I lift Mia into my arms, kissing her cheeks. She immediately begins to gnaw on my chin with her little teeth. She grows more beautiful every day. I can't believe a father could miss out on so much of his daughter's life.

I guess he doesn't care. And if he doesn't care about his own daughter, someone like me has no place in Gabriel's mind.

I'm done. I won't spend my whole life in that room waiting for him. Physically, I'm in the kitchen with Mia, but emotionally, I'm still in Dante's bedroom, waiting for him to come back for me, to say something. I'm still there, waiting, feeling embarrassed, thrilled, and excited.

What a fool.

I grab my phone as Mia continues to cover my face with drool and puree, and I download one of the countless dating apps my phone suggests.

If that jerk doesn't want me, I know someone else will.

*****

I take off the black shirt and try on a red one. I look at myself in the mirror as Mia plays in her crib with her toys. I turn this way and that.

"I don't know," I whisper, indecisive.

I strip everything off again and now I try on a yellow blouse and denim shorts. Yes, I think this is the one.

Today, I finally have my first day off. Anna took pity on me and said she'd stay with Mia. Additionally, the little one doesn't cry as often as before and is more sociable with Anna and the other house staff.

After chatting for two weeks, today I'll finally meet Adrian. He's twenty-two, a medical student, and the best part is he works as a bartender at a pub downtown to pay for school, which is where we're heading for our first date. He promised I could drink since his friend will be tending the bar tonight. I'm not quite twenty-one yet, so this is thrilling.

It's my very first time going to a pub!

I grab the dark brown leather jacket and put it on. It looks good, but now I'm not convinced about the shorts, so I swap them for jeans.

Yes, I'm finally ready.

I turn to Mia, who is watching me intently. "You'll be good for Anna, sweetheart."

"Na na na," she replies with a smile.

"That's right, full of good behavior." I move closer to the crib and kiss her cheek. "See you later."

I leave the room and dash down the stairs.

"Mia's playing in her crib," I tell Anna, who is waiting for me.

"Matteo is already waiting for you. Have fun and don't do anything stupid," she says seriously.

I kiss her cheek. "I will," I promise.

I step out feeling anxious and elated, feelings I haven't had in a while.

I open the door and collide head-on with Matteo.

"Matteo, sorry," I say, but then I fall silent when I realize it's Gabriel.

"Where are you going?" he asks gruffly.

"I have the day off."

"Who authorized that?" he snaps back irritably.

"I'm entitled to a day off. This isn't a prison," I hiss and try to get past him, but he stops me by grabbing my arm.

"Where the hell are you going, Sophia?"

"That's none of your business."

"Sophia, don't make me ask again," he growls furiously.

I break free from his grasp. "I'm going on a date with a friend."

"A friend?"

"Yes, a friend. Someone you trust and share special moments with. You should look it up."

He grasps my chin harshly. "Forget it; you're not leaving this house."

I smile maliciously. "Sorry, Capo, Adrian's waiting for me, and I'm eager to spend the night with him."

"What...?" he begins to ask, but I run to the limo before he can say more. "Hurry, Matteo," I urge. "I'm running late," I add as I glance at Gabriel striding towards the limousine.

Once Matteo finally accelerates, I relax against the seat. That was close. I'll face the consequences tomorrow. Today, I want to have fun and not think about a certain grumpy Capo.

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