“Prologue”

...“Lonely”...

I opened my eyes & realize that I fell asleep here last night while crying. I'm sitting at the corner of nightstand of my bedroom while grabbing my knees in my arms to protect myself from shiver & darkness wishing me good morning with it's faint smile.

The dark olive green curtains are blocking the sunlight's way to reach til me. The sunlight is hitting every border of curtain, but can't hit me. I rested my head on the edge of nightstand, still staring at the curtain.

There's nothing to wonder, my every night end like this & my morning begin from here.

My eyes became so puffy, Maybe 'cause of crying too much, but It's not completely my fault, as I'm born to be like this. I always wonder why only I'm like this, but not now.

I'm not really interested in knowing everything 'cause the more I got to know, the more it hurts.

I feel so cold on my nose like it's covered with icebergs. I cover my nose with my hand & it's the same, cold like my body.

My whole embrace is so cold, every corner, every part of my body is so cold.

I stand up & went near the curtain then I aside it a little, the warm sunshine touched my hand & it's so warm. My whole body shiver a little as a current flew into my whole body.

I want to hug it. I want to wrap it around my body. I want to feel this kind of warmth against my body so that I'll ended up melting into its embrace.

I dream unexpected things a lot, right?

I opened the curtain & Now my whole body is in the embrace of warm sunshine.

I closed my eyes & my lips curved into a happy smile.

What if I get this same warmness from a person?

Is this possible?

Is this ever gonna happen in my life?

These are the question I'm asking from myself & my fate & I'm still seeking its answer. I want to know its answer, but there's no one to listen my queries & to tell me it's answer.

I tied up my hair into a bun & then I went downstairs. I want to go California & for this I have to seek permission from my Mom, but I don't know where she is?

Maybe, she's in her office, in meeting room or somewhere out of country.

I don't know the right answer. She never informs me anything. I want to call her, I can't find my voice like it got lost somewhere. Somehow, I manage to found it & finally I shouted loudly, “Mom, where are you?”.

Like always I didn't get any answer but then I heard someone's voice from kitchen & It's nanny, who has been looking after me all these years.

“She's not here. She had an important meeting so she left early.“, she replied in her soft but pitched voice.

“When is she coming back?”, I asked with a frown in my face.

“Maybe, in the mid-evening.“, she replied while cutting the veggies. “Do you need anything?”, she asked while making sure if I have any important work with her or not.

“Nothing.”, I replied while entering the kitchen.

I leaned back against the counter of groceries while my eyes were staring at the weird design printed on the ceiling.

“Are you hungry?”, she asked with her calmest tone.

“Yes, just a little.”, I closed my eyes as those prints made me remember the brutal truth of me. The red printed ivy leaves design started to dance into my mind & soon turned into the blood drops dripping from my hand.

Blood dripping from my hands : it gently tracing it' way, down my arm, jolting at the curves till staining my wrist & palm finally dripping down from my nails; painting my nails with red, dark red color, embracing my hands & turning me into an evil ruined, messed up soul.

“Aria! .......... Aria!”, she shouted my name plenty of times but my mind was so engrossed into the memories of my past, into my true evil self. I chuckled at the word of ‘evil self’ as I opened my eyes & diverted my attention back to the most gentle & kind lady.

“Are you feeling right?”, she asked while turning of the stove. I can feel the true concern into her words, but who knows if they are real or just a silly pretend.

Maybe, she also hates me for that reason. I don't even know that reason. I don't know which kind of sin I did? But Nanny, she never blame me for anything nor touched me in my entire existence. I'm untouched til the day I realize the cruelty of my existence. I'm untouched from last 7 years as I'm curse or maybe I never allowed them to.

She loves me, maybe. I'm not so sure.

Maybe, It's all fake, but for living I have to consider it as real. I'm totally unaware of the truth about me.

Maybe, I know, but I don't want to believe it.

It hurts me more than my Mom's cold behavior.

Her that cold look, her cold tone everything hurts me.

I was lost in her thoughts, but I came back into reality when I felt a slight pull at the hem of my sleeve & she was standing at a few distance from me & her eyes were directly looking mine; those busty black eyes hiding there soft corner for me.

“Go wait there, I'll bring it”.

“hn.”, I replied with a pale smiley face & went towards the dinning table.

I was waiting for Nanny, but suddenly I heard a deep siren & I got flinched because of it.

I saw Nanny running towards me & she held the hem of my sleeves while pulling me upstairs so hastily.

I don't know the reason every time whenever this siren beeps, I have to hide myself somewhere, where no one can find me. Once I asked Nanny about this & she said it's for my safely, but Why I need this safely & from whom I want to save myself?

No one ever told me this. She pushed me into a library & then “Don't come out until I came back to bring you out from here.”, she said in tensed voice.

I was about to ask her the reason, but before that she locked the door & I saw her appearance turning into blank black door.

I turn around towarda the shelves & tried to find something suitable for diverting my mind, but I can't found anything then I went near the backside of wall.

It is decorated with so many leaves & I slightly pushed it & it directly opened into my room.

I know its surprising & mysterious, but I liked it.

Every time whenever I feel bored, I came here & read all my favorite books. In all these 7 years I finished almost 2,555 books; all having almost or more than 350 pages means minimum 894,250 pages in all these years.

I like reading books, these are my only Best friends.

Only they understand me & my miseries & they also replied my every query with their amazing & deep meaning words.

In my room, I sat on chair while looking out from window. The outside veiw is so charming; distant, endless sky embracing the small patches of clouds, embracing the endless rays of sun, embracing every sin of this earth.

The alarm is still beeping.

&

I don't know why?............

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Author : Hello dear readers! I hope you are enjoying first chapter. I know it's not so long but please support if you like it & it's my first novel, so I apologize for mistakes. Bye.

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