Episode 2

I began climbing the ranks within the company, gradually affording myself a better lifestyle within my means.

Among the many things I had to learn in my training to be a good wife was managing a household, so I saved as much as I could, always fearful that my family would find me and force me to marry.

I didn't own a car nor did I even know how to drive one; I had barely mastered using my cellphone. The only friend I made, who was the boss's secretary, always told me I was born in the wrong era, and sometimes I believed it too.

For the first few months, I lived in fear that my parents would find me or someone would recognize me in this place, but even as time sped by in this large city, the fear persisted. It's a terror I'll live with forever, even if I don't want to.

I avoid parties and social gatherings my friend constantly invites me to because of the fear of being recognized. I am happy living anonymously, in the shadows. Every day, when I get to my apartment, I close even the blinds; I can't bring myself to open the curtains. I am quite paranoid. Even a knock on my door sends my heart racing, threatening to burst from my chest.

I look at the photo of me with my sister and pray to God to keep her in His holy grace. I speak to her whenever panic takes hold and I fall prey to my memories.

I want to live, to be free, to be happy, and to be a confident woman. I no longer want to live in fear of being found and forced into marriage. I can't imagine losing my virginity as a marital duty like what happened to my sister. I desire to own my body and my choices, to decide who I lie with or when I am ready to have children...

At work, there are many handsome men, and even though I'm the accountant's secretary and need to deliver financial reports to different company sectors or to the executives, I prefer to finish quickly and return to my safe place so that no one looks at or speaks to me.

After a long time working here, I only know the president's and vice president's voices because I've never seen their faces. Nor am I interested in meeting them; their voices frighten me because they are so stern and always seem to be yelling.

I feel very restless, anxious, looking around every corner. I have a premonition that something is about to happen, but I don't know what. I'm scared, paranoid. I've even had nightmares where I wake up terrified, screaming.

The exhaustion is taking its toll. My mind is elsewhere, my body on edge; even when my friend touches my shoulder to talk to me, I panic, imagining it's someone from my past.

"Liz, are you alright? Why are you like this?" Marina asked, concerned.

"I have a bad feeling; I think something's going to happen to me, and I can't stop dreaming that they're taking me away by force."

"You should see a doctor, maybe get some sleeping pills. You look tired, and you're too jittery."

"I'll think about it."

"I'm staying with you tonight. Anyway, I don't need to bring anything since we have to wear this uniform every day."

"Thanks, Mar."

"That's what friends are for. See you at closing."

When it was time to leave, I took the elevator with everyone because being alone frightened me, and each place felt like an imminent danger.

I look for Marina and we head to the apartment. Having her with me makes me feel safer and less fearful. Even if an armed attacker comes, I would be in the same danger.

We have dinner, watch TV, and then go to sleep because we have to work again tomorrow.

I shower while Marina prepares breakfast with the little I have in the fridge because I've been so frightened I didn't even do my weekly grocery shopping. I get out of the bathroom and look for a set of underwear and can't find it, as well as the blouse that goes under the uniform shirt.

We eat breakfast and head to work, today feeling more rested. Marina lets me know she'll also stay over tonight, so we plan to go to the supermarket and then have dinner while watching a movie.

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