Episode 4

A week had passed and I only wished for the two torment to be over already. I had been holding on to brief moments of peace and grappled for any form of diversion, however, her name constantly reverberated in my mind. The deep echo haunted me at every turn, and eventually, it took on an almost majestic quality. I heard it being whispered in my mind over and over and over.

With the sudden abundance of time and nothing to do, I desperately needed to occupy my mind. Writing my column had become a struggle and it was only matter of time before my emergency stash of articles ran out.

As expected, the news spread like wild fire, although I hadn't been questioned about what transpired. Friends chose to sensibly tiptoe around the subject.

I hadn't seen Drew or Sophia yet, but the inevitability hovered over me. I didn't know how I was going to deal with facing them, but I would have to cross that bridge when the time came. I was sure the possibility of seeing me, the awkwardness, embarrassment, or the feeling of discomfort that would arise if we met, would leave her unperturbed. The thought probably never even crossed her mind.

Sophia had this uncanny ability to 'block' things out and I hated it. I despised that I had to experience the agony and stress while she seemed unaffected.

I recalled and incident when we had a long and heated argument that had left me feeling terribly depressed. She on the other hand had a night out with her friends and ended up calling me at 4am, drunk.

The next morning we fought again and when I expressed how awful I had felt after the fight,

she said,

"Chad, you know I can block things out, and yes, I did block you out! I'm not going to feel guilty about going out and having fun with my friends. I don't want to feel like crap because of you. If you chose to stay at home and be depressed, well that's idiotic of you."

It wasn't always perfect, but then nothing ever is. We did have good times and enjoyed each other a lot, but our flights used to be rough. She would always express herself with a few curt words and left it as that.

Whenever I probed, her response was "I have nothing more to say. I'm going back to my place," and with that, Sophia would be gone. She would continue with her day while I struggled to function as a normal human being. If only I could block her out.

The longing for companionship and closeness consumed me. I also wanted my revenge and knew that if I would let myself get intimate with someone, I'd fullfil both urges. But that would be temporary and rebounding. I had to be smart and simply hold out. It was time to detox.

During the sleepless nights my mind wandered, reminiscing and touching upon painful memories.

Before she fell sleep, she used to lay her head on my chest. I would have to wait for her to roll over before I could stretch and sleep on my stomach. In the mornings, the first one to wake up would cuddle the other. I had become used to having her being beside me.

The thought of calling her crossed my mind again, like it had a thousand times, but then I'd picture her and Drew. She'd be moaning his name in ecstasy. With eyes firmly shut, I shook head hoping to rid myself of the horrifying vision.

I focused my mind towards positive and constructive thoughts. It was during one of these anguish filled-sleepless nights that I woke up and started wrinting a 'Recovery plan:

Objective: Get over Sophia quickly, efficiently and with as little pain as possible. We all know emotional pain is a lot worse than physical and there is only one healing factor. It's our best friend and worst enemy; TIME.

STEP 1: Acceptance

This step is essential to achieve recovery. The subject needs to ACCEPT, for which certain amount of time is needed. Focusing on getting over it immediately will lead to frustration, anxiety and worsen the depression. Instead, it is important to understand that there is a finish line.

STEP 2: Emotional Spring Clean

Get rid of everything the ex has ever given you. Anything of sentimental value must be disposed off. It is imperative for the subject to remain strong and be focused at this point, and not to be weakened by random reminders.

STEP 3: The Calculation

How long should the recovery take?

If the subject had an Idea about the duration, they could prepare themselves for the long haul. Four to six months is a fair estimate for one to completely clean one system's out.

STEP 4: Occupied

Stay busy, meet old friends and make new ones. Exercising is recommended. It is important not to have the break up festering in one's mind.

STEP 5: Communication Lock Down

This rule cannot be emphasized enough. There has to be no communication with the ex. Do whatever it takes to minimise tue chance of talking or meeting with them as much as possible.

STEP 6: The Bonus

In this day and age, Moving on is common after the relationship is over. Although this may satisfy an itch, it only hinders the recovery process and brings up semi-fresh emotional wounds.

After spending half the night rewording, fussing and dwelling over the plan, it was finally printed. As time went by I would add to this, build on it and one day perhaps even have it published..hehe

Although the plan made sense and did help, there were times when I couldn't help but sink into thoughts of her, into thoughts of us. i couldn't help but wonder how things would be if I had taken advantage of every minute we had. Every misspent moment came back to haunt me. I missed her scent, her touch, her soft skin, her hair and her lips.

The ache returned, but I accepted it with a soft and heavy sigh. I knew these were steps I needed to walk through. At every moment of weakness, I peered into my soul and recognized my flaws and accepted them.

I could throw away everything that reminded me of her, but I couldn't rid myself of the strongest and most intense tie to Sophia, her memory. I slumped lower in my chair and covered my face with my hands.

I missed her.

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