Episode 6

Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be this hard. - Coldplay

The naked flames danced gracefully around me as the pain flowed through my veins. The grief and sorrow enveloped me and I descended into it without resistance. Coldplay strummed their beat as their melancholic lyrics rang so very true.

The candles began to die one by one. They had served their purpose for that brief moment in time and finally reached their destiny. The sands of time continued to slip on by. The merlot mixed with my blood and the bitterness ran through me.

I reminisced about out nights together, nights when I lay next to her and watched her sleep. I used to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, before I went back to sleep, and pulled the comforter over her. Everyday she woke up unaware of the affection she received during her slumber.

There would be more instances where I'd find myself plunged into past memories. some will be worse, some bleak and some will feel never ending. It is in the dark of night that I'd stand alone and confront my demons. I'd have to keep reminding myself that this would all end with time, our friend and enemy.

The last candle flickered in the darkness and once that passed on, I would only have the half battle of wine and music for company. I yearned for sleep, a peaceful night. I hated going to bed simply because I knew that sleep never came. It passed over my roof to those round, but never visited me anymore. How I longed for it to call me!

I often wondered what she was doing, but that only led to venomous thoughts. She was probably out and about, gallivanting around the city with him. They must be laughing and kissing without any remorse for their actions.

The pain of the visions seared through my veins and almost felt physical. Unable to shake it, I hoped in vain that the big swigs of wine would counteract the growing ache. It ripped through without mercy. My mind unable to stop the stream of graphic visions flashing rapidly, and with each image the pain intensified.

I walked across the littered wooden floor to the answering machine and stared. The messages from that fateful day still remained. I could feel the pounding of my heart all over my body. I had been here many times before in the past few days.

In moments of weakness I had even pressed play only to stop immediately afterwards. My palms were sweaty and the confusion in my mind drove me insane.

I had a desperate yearning to listen to the message, hoping I'd hear her voice begging me to forgive her, to come back and that she regretted her mistake, to hear her cry and hurt as much as I had. On the other hand I was scared, scared that there wouldn't be a message from er, that she was unaffected. The thought of that was too painful to bear.

I continued to throw away everything Sophia gave me until all that remained was the letter she had left on the windshield of my car. I sat by the fire and placed it on the mahogany coffee table. After staring at it for a while, I picked it up and inched closer towards opening it. My mind wrestled with the decision, arguing that I could handle it, that I was over it, justifying that I owed it to myself. The other part of me didn't want to take the risk.

I finally decided and there was no turning back . My eyes fixated on the paper and the emotions that ran through into indescribable. My grip on the wine bottle tightened. The pain came back with all the graphic visions in tow. I could feel myself living through it again and again.

My body began to stiffen and an array of confusion anger and despair blanketed me as I watched the flames consume the letter. I would never know what she had written to me, never.

Standing up, I walked to the answering machine dropping the empty wine bottle on the way, and in one single motion I pushed the button.

'Messages have been deleted

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