Until the Roses Wither

Grace's death had negatively affected Tsukito, a lot. Tsukito would often pretend to cover it up, in order to not look vulnerable and sensitive. However, little did he know… He couldn't actually conceal it like he had thought that he could…

Wataru patted my shoulder, awkwardly, “My bad, brother. I left you alone, before. But, don't ya think it's too gay to be that depressed over ya girl?”

I was literally in disbelief, listening to those words slip out of his mouth, “Too Gay?” I scoffed. “Or, you want to say that you lack basic empathy or even something as simple as Sympathy?” My tone turned slightly harsher, as I said that to him. Wataru’s only greatest flaw was homophobia. 

He scratched the back of his head— awkward and nervous, at the sight of my fury. “My bad, I was just trying to get you to man up! You're being a little too sensitive…” He remarked, before awkwardly laughing, as if it could lighten up the mood of this horrible scenario. 

“Oh? Am I too sensitive? Or, are you just too insensitive?” I stomped off to the couch. I placed my elbows on my thighs, before tugging on to my hair— taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down. “Calm down…” I mumbled to myself— inhaling and exhaling slowly; I opened my eyes.

As soon as my eyes opened, my gaze caught the sight of roses— which were elegantly sitting upon the tea table. My gaze softened and my tensed up expression relaxed. My beloved and precious cinnamon roll’s favorite flowers. Memories of my precious cinnamon roll were like the heavenly cold waters to my fire. I could only hope she has an entire garden of roses, in paradise, living happily up there. 

My gaze falls on the black bag, hooked onto the wall. There was the letter that Grace had handed me during her last breath. Taking a deep breath, I sighed and took that letter out and started reading it while trying really hard to not cry.

“Hello, Tsukito!

This letter is from me, 

Your beloved cinnamon roll, 

Things have been getting difficult for me at home: My parents are going to be divorced next month. My father has found out about our relationship and He wants me to cut off all contact with you. Just like you already know, I cannot do anything like that. I swear to you, we’ll not be breaking up; I want this to work and I'll do anything in my power to never ever let you go. But, I just want to clear things with you. We'll not be able to talk so often and-” 

In the middle of it, I suddenly felt Wataru's hand fall onto my back. “I’ve got an idea, bro. You need to hear it.” He murmured into my right ear. I felt rather baffled than annoyed. “What is the idea?” I questioned, before scratching my elbow and putting the letter back into the bag it was previously in. “Maybe, you gotta try detaching from grace by working on yourself for twenty one days, buddy. One ya girl is out of your head, ya will be good, bro.” He patted my shoulder as he gave me that piece of advice. 

Worthless— I mused. That piece was going to be of no benefit for me. Grace was my happiness. What shall happen, will happen. My mind replayed the memories of the moment I had cherished with my Grace. 

Soft and slow Disney movies music had occupied the atmosphere; I had my Precious beloved cinnamon roll, all cuddled up in my embrace— exactly where she belonged. 

She lifted her head up slightly to look into my eyes, before looking down at my chest back again, as she circled her fingers on my chest. While resting her head on my chest, she began with one of her adorable and humorous questions… “Would you still love me if I were no longer with you?” She said, before looking up into my eyes, with her dearly innocent ones. 

My gaze went up to hers and my thumb encircled around her lovely adorable cheeks. I maintained a five seconds of silence— being lost in those dreamy and innocent eyes of hers. 

How could anybody just look into those innocent eyes of hers and decide to lie? I couldn't. And, Nobody should, either. 

Grace would always take my answers seriously. I had to know the context, to answer that innocent little question of hers. “like?” I asked. She pouted and frowned slightly; as if baffled…? “Like…?” She repeated. 

I chuckled a little and pinched her cheek, before clarifying my question, “Like, umm, is this the ‘if I didn't exist’ or ‘if I died’ or ‘if we broke up’ scenario?” She squinted her eyes at me, as if I answered incorrectly. 

Almost instantly, I got amused yet a little cautious, had I asked her something wrong? Perhaps, I shouldn't have asked that question? Yes, that might be the case. 

“It’s the-” Before she could even answer my question, I interrupted and kissed her cheek in an instance. “Yes, to all three of them.” I laughed wheezily. I had never had a thought process— that quick, in my life. It was a game. A game of truth; which had its own tiny little consequences. I loved it when Grace would amuse me with such clever questions! 

She squinted her eyes at me, obviously not believing my superficial answer, which sounded rather unrealistic. “I know, you're just saying that. You don't mean it, do you?” She muttered, getting that attitude again, as she scooted slightly away from me. I laughed a little at her antics, it was not threatening to me, at all. “Atleast, listen to my answer in detail before concluding anything in your head, my queen.” I chuckled, putting my hand on her head, ruffling her hair. “Mm, come here.” I said; to which Grace just responded by looking at me and then sacrificing her tiny little ‘angry time’ for my request. 

I had my arms spread open for her. Ofcourse, she has to be where she belongs— in my arms. She scooted closer, slowly, before I just grabbed her by her waist and pulled her into my embrace completely… “You know, why did I say that I would love you in all three of those scenarios?” I smiled as I lovingly stroked some of her hair strands behind her ears. “No.” She muttered. “Alright, then listen to me. But, you have to look into my eyes for that, my gorgeous queen.” I chuckled softly before kissing her lips and lifting her chin up, to make her look into my eyes. 

She did so. Then I began with my response, “First, I would love you if you didn't exist. Because, I would never feel the love that I feel for you. You're my one and only precious sweetheart and if there's not you, there's no other. Just know it.” I kissed her cheek, before going to the next point. “And, to the next scenario, I would absolutely still love and miss you everyday if you weren't alive. And, as much as I'd be lost in memories of you, I'd hope for nothing like that happening to us in future, even when the both of us are married and settled.” I finished my second response, stroking her hair and kissing her cheeks twice. 

“For the third scenario. It should be obvious how smitten I really am. You know, you have me on the top of your fingers. I would still love and cherish you even if you loved someone-” She pressed her index finger against my lips as she gazed into my eyes, lovingly. She caressed my face, delicately and planted kisses on my face. “I love you, truly.” To that, I just smiled and rubbed her bottom lip with my thumb. “I love you more.” I returned her kisses. I felt her hand slide underneath my shirt before she removed my shirt… 

I jolted out of those fresh lovely memories as Wataru gave me a slight push. “You good?” As I finally jumped out of those dream-like memories, it was another haunting nightmare like reality, where Grace really wasn't with me, any longer…

A good idea popped up in my head. I decided to follow through from the very next day, early in the morning.

...6:45 AM...

I slowly opened the main door quietly as I stepped outside, but then my gaze fell on a cat. A ginger cat! “Huh? This cat?... Whose cat is this? It's a little chunky.” I mumbled to myself, before kneeling down to observe the cat nicely. “It’s adorable, regardless.” A tiny smile occured on my face. The cat was fast and deeply asleep— probably dreaming of cat food, that's all I could assume with the purring sounds that escaped its tiny mouth. 

A subtle and quiet gasp escaped my mouth as my eyes caught the sight of its eyes suddenly shot open, “Oh, did I wake you up?” I awkwardly smiled at that little furry buddy. “Ma-ah~” The cat meowed, quite weirdly and raised its head to sniff the stench of my hand. I heard her purring, as I patted her. She laid down on her back, almost as if inviting me to give her some belly rubs. “Oh my god, haha…” Chuckling a little, I gave her some belly rubs, before locking the main door of my house and leaving her behind to finish my own task.

Five minutes into the walk, I stopped on my tracks only to feel that tiny ginger cat girl stumble on to my leg. “Oh god, why are you following me, you sweet little girl?” A sigh escaped my lips and I hit my forehead with my palm. I had to do something to get her to stop following me around. 

Having no other choice; I just bought some wet cat food from the nearby store and gave it to her before running away from her when her attention was on her dear food. 

As I reached my precious beloved Grace's grave, I firstly greeted her, “I’m here grace. I'm here for you again. I will write letters for you everyday, my cinnamon roll.” My hands placed one rose on her grave before putting a letter on there, too. “I will accompany you, everyday. I promise.” Saying that, I couldn't hold myself back and just rested my head on her grave. My precious Grace's presence in that Grace was comforting enough for me. “I will visit you everyday. I will fulfill my promises. I'm not going to leave your side!” She was the only one who could fill this void of loneliness and grief. 

From that day onwards, I visited my beloved cinnamon roll every morning with a letter everyday. Everything was normal, except one thing… Every letter that I would leave at my Precious beloved’s grave would just… vanish, the very next day. It was odd, but I just concluded that the wind was responsible for this or some random animal would come and take it away. It was the only logical assumption that I could make up in my head to convince myself that it was not something to pay attention to.

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