"I am a blood daughter of the mafia, Marco. Not sworn, but born into it. There will never be a way out for me. I have to do what is commanded of me, without complaint or hesitation."
Marco was the son of a soldier who, like his father, had risen in the mafia through the blood oath. They were different situations, but both led us to the same destination: putting the mafia above everything and anything else.
We were silent, with our own torment, lamenting the course of our lives.
"Are you coming to Dominique's house with me?" I finally asked in a whisper.
He shook his head, his lips pursed and his face twisted in a grimace of displeasure.
"Your father needs me here, but that doesn't mean I won't always be with you," he announced.
"When I'm free, I'll be there. I'll be a frequent visitor." He smiled without emotion.
It was better than nothing.
I would be alone in my new house, without Marco to train or talk to, without Antonieta to keep me company and without papa to protect me.
A shaky breath parted my lips.
I rested my head on my bent knees, holding back the tears that insisted on wetting my eyes. I wasn't weak and I wouldn't succumb to it now, no matter how much it hurt to leave my life behind. I loved the way I was raised, it didn't matter that it wasn't relevant to our reality.
"Now what?
Want to do something in your free time?" he asked.
A red alert flashed in my mind and made me lift my head in a dizzying motion.
"I need to go somewhere," I advised, rising from the floor in one swift motion.
"And it has to be today. Can you take me?"
I wouldn't be allowed to leave the house if I wasn't accompanied by Marco, Dad or Dominique. And… well, Dad was in a meeting and Dominique was out of the question, so that left Marco to take me to betray one of the mafia oaths.
"What are you going to do?" he asked.
Marco knew me well enough to understand that whatever it was, it wouldn't be good.
"Just say you'll take me, or I'll go alone. The less he knows, the better."
"Is this going to put your life in danger?"
I pondered for a second.
Well... children of a newly formed mafia couple were expected. In a few months, they would be speculating whether I was pregnant. So yes, it was a risk.
"No," I lied, raising my jaw.
Too much had been taken from me, I would not let them command even my womb. I was not a breeding cow, I would not spit out heir after heir to increase the number of mafia members. I would have children when I saw fit.
"Are you sure?" he insisted.
What could Dominique do?
Rip my womb out with his bare hands?
Remove the chip from my arm with a knife?
Hmm... he could do a lot of things, but none of them scared me as much as getting pregnant by my husband out of obligation,
without even knowing him in the slightest. No matter the risk, it was worth it.
"Yes, I'm sure." I bit my lip and my face heated.
"I want to go to the doctor to have a… um… women's talk. I need to know a few things."
It wasn't exactly a lie, I would talk to her about sex and get my doubts cleared up. The act didn't scare me that much, people did it all the time, but I wanted to be more knowledgeable so I could face it fully prepared.
Marco's eyes widened as he realized what I was talking about and something flickered across his face, but the reaction was so fleeting I didn't have time to analyze what it was.
It was a very embarrassing situation, but he wouldn't take me unless I was upfront. Soon he would realize the place I was taking him to and needed a plausible excuse. If the Venturellis found out, they wouldn't be able to torture him, he was being deceived as much as they were.
"Okay," he finally confirmed, looking at a spot on the floor that wasn't me.
"The car will be ready in thirty minutes."
I blew him an air kiss, thanking him for his constant partnership. I spun on my heels and ran toward my house.
Having babies would be my choice, and at the moment, I didn't want them at all.
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