Introduction

...If you are asking me why I created such a stupid novel like this in the first place.. I tell you. This is kinda stupid.. I don't like reading novels that much, it's trouble some. But I kinda envied who created a novel and got a brilliant idea.. Plot twist whatever it is. It's true, I'm jealous of them.. Kinda yeah. This is also my first time writing such a stupid novel thing like that. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it.. I love it and I'm kinda lost. As you can see, this novel's title is "MY DIARY". So that's mean, I just casually write down what I want to say like I write in the diary. It's a bother to buy too many books for such a stupid diary.. So I'm gonna tell you everything that has been bothering me for the past I have been living so far. Don't mind my English or lack of vocabulary, because I didn't give a damn about it....

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This diary is about a girl who wants to survive but doesn't know who she survives for. Why bother to survive something as we call "WORLD" for no one? If you say, we have to survive for our own self.. That bullsh*t. Many people have suffered because of loneliness, and what do you think? Why they make such a big deal of it? You know, feeling lonely is the same as we feel like dying alone.. It's worse than death. Just admit it.. If I'm in the situation.. I'd rather die than be alone. it's frustrating.. HAHAHAHAHA.. Don't you think this is rather funny no matter how you think about it? Just admit that this world is not fair... If you are asking for a cure, I don't know myself. I have always been like this, except for the fact lying to myself.. Accept whatever you got for this called life.. You lose, you are unlucky.. Those stupid damn things are running through my head.. All over, it's driving me crazy. Think about it, "DO YOU DESERVE THIS?". If I'm asking myself the same question, my answer would be "yes".

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...*conversations between my heart and my brain*...

My heart : i'm feeling kinda empty lately

My brain : is that my problem?

My heart : not really, you know.. I don't know who I want to talk with if it is not you.

My brain : don't bother, don't make it such a big deal. Talking with you only causes Ovt (overthinking)

My heart : I'm sorry.

My brain : .....

My heart : I want to die *crying*

My brain : what happens to the human if you do? Will she feel no emotion

My heart : I feel bad, that I want to die so badly.

My brain : it's no use. It will be the same no matter what. Your feelings, that we call "emotions" are like a black rose who played with human feelings.

My heart : I want to get rid of it!

My brain : you can't

No Matter what you do.. Emotions are not the ones to be blamed. You are no diff, you are clumsy, useless.. That you Create your mess with your own actions. Why blame on heart or emotions? can't you understand? You are the one to be blamed.

bye for good..

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