What should I do?

What the heck am I doing? I don't have anything better to do. Since this novel I'm the only one who read, then I think it's fine if I confess my feelings.

First of all. I love someone who I absolutely hate. Like you know, he is very annoying even tho I never communicate with him. He is very good with a girl and that's the reason I hate him. I want to live peacefully, but I can't stop thinking about him so much. So cringe.💀

Anyway, what i want to say is. I like him.

I'm stupid, so stupid.. ARGHHH!! *feeling embarrassed*.

*feeling disgusted again*.

*sigh* I have a good life but everything seems like a dream. I hate this feeling. I don't want to deny my feelings but but.. What should I do.. 😮‍💨

Ok let's stop here.. Next topic.

...----------------...

...My conversation between my heart and my brain...

My heart: isn't that man handsome?!

My brain: disgusting

My heart : give him a chance will you? and it's not disgusting. Seriously!

My brain: couple, break up. Couple, break up. That routine is for everyone when they couple. And it is such a waste of tears when one day that man is cheating or saying another girl is more beautiful. bullsh*t.

My heart: you are not wrong but..

My brain: but what?.. Since when you like that man anyway? so disgusting.

My heart: can you stop that?!

My brain: no. Don't waste your emotions on someone else.

My heart: *sigh*

My brain: not all pretty boys are green flags you know.

My heart: I know that!

...----------------...

Actually, I'm a very simple person. I fell in love pretty easily but got bored pretty easily too. I'm being honest, I am a red flag girl but at the same time I'm a green flag too. I can be cute but I can be rude too. I'm not hundred percent honest. I like to lie, or tease someone with a dumb lie. i can be really mean and I'm a short temper person too. I almost make everyone my enemy.

for me, I don't really care bcs I need to get used to it since this is how my personality is. I will survive in this world if I just keep everything cool.

I'm really jealous of people who know their own potential. I feel like I'm so useless with no talent in my life.*"What am I supposed to do?, what should I do?"*. It really hurts when I feel like I'm such a burden.

Am I a burden?

Am I useless?

Or is this some kind of punishment from my past life? *laugh* what an idiot. It's such nonsense if I believe such a thing. I hope I get an answer. I hope I have people to listen to my story. I don't want to go to a mental hospital. *laugh* let's just say, *I'm just lonely*.

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