jokes (page 1)

Medical Advice

Good medical advice from the Jewish sages of old:1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.3. F***ing refreshes you.4. After F***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.5. Try f***ing in bed because it can save you valuable energy.6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.So remember, FASTING is good for your health and may God cleanse your dirty mind!

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5 things American Movies Teach Us:

Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote Basketball/Baseball.

Aliens have special interest in attacking the U.S.

U.S. is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves & vampires.

5 things Indian Movies teach us:

At least one of the identical twins is born evil.

While defusing a bomb, don't worry, whichever wire you cut... you always choose the right one.

A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wounds.

A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.

The most hilarious one...

If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

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Stupid Students

TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of Defence?CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of Nigeria?CHILDREN: Enugu!TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the National Anthem?CHILDREN: D-Banj!TEACHER: Excellent. What do you call people from Moscow?CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?CHILDREN: 25!TEACHER: That's great! You're going to be stupid like this until your government increases my salary!

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Vib rator-in-Law

A woman passed her daughter's room and heard a strange buzzing noise. Opening the door, she saw her daughter with a vib rator. Shocked, she asked why?

The daughter replied, "mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is as close as I'll ever get to a husband. So please, leave me alone."

Next day, the father heard the same buzz and upon entering, he also saw the same scene. To his query, the daughter again said, "dad I"m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping and heard that buzzing noise coming from, the living room. On entering she saw her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vib rator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, "what the f#*k are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching football with my son-in-law."

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