chapter 1

The burning in your throat was hard to ignore at this point, it fully demanded your attention and you tried your best to cough discretely, hoping that you wouldn’t end up coughing up flower petals onto the table. Taehyung looked over at you with a worried expression that you simply dismissed with a tight smile. Everything had been going so well and you didn’t want to ruin the dinner with your coughing fits. You let your gaze linger on the man at the end of the table, the one made of starlight and sunshine. Jungkook had been your best friend for the majority of your life. You met him back in kindergarten, he was a lot more shy and reserved back then but you bonded over banana milk and love of playing dinosaurs. Truly he had held your hand through life, every milestone jungkook had been right beside you a big bunny smile on his face. He had made a home in your heart and you ended up falling in love with him. It started out as an innocent crush, highschool love with butterflies and too many hormones. You kept that to yourself though, not wanting to somehow push him away. Having him in your life was enough you had decided, his smile and laugh were your favorite things. When he smiled you smiled. It wasn’t until college that things began to change, slowly at first, he made more new friends and spent less time in the shared apartment with you and Taehyung. You were happy though, seeing him break out of his little shell and blossom into this social butterfly. The year you all graduated he moved out, leaving you and Taehyung to now share the two bedroom apartment. A few months later he brought a new face to the friend group, her name was Mai. That’s when you first began your little coughing fits. And now anytime Jungkook looked at you for too long or smiled at you a certain way your heart would ache and your throat would burn. You kept everything quiet, spending less time around him and staying home more often.

Three years have passed, and now here you were, at a dinner celebrating the engagement between Jungkook and Mai. Taehyung knew something wasn’t right, he always did but never wanted to press anything with you. He figured you would tell him when you get ready. You gazed off and could see in your peripheral vision Jungkook and his now fiancé holding hands and laughing at the other end of the table. That familiar burn came back and you politely excused yourself from the table. Walking as quickly as you could you threw yourself into the first bathroom stall you could find. Deep red rose petals came tumbling from behind your lips, tears stinging at your eyes. You wiped your face and flushed them down the toilet, hoping if anyone asked you could pass this off as an upset stomach. What you weren’t expecting when you stepped out of the bathroom was Jungkook staring down at you with his big doe eyes. You could feel your stomach contract and your throat was on fire. The concern never left his face as he moved a piece of hair behind your ear. “Hey Tae told me you haven’t been feeling well lately and i just wanted to check on you,” he held his hand to your forehead, “do you want me to ask Mai to take a look at you? Sick people are kinda her specialty.” You blushed and shook your head, “No it’s okay, i just have a little stomach thing that’s all. It should be gone soon.” He didn’t step away from you and the petals were becoming hard to swallow, “You know I know you better than that, there’s something wrong and you’re not telling me.” His voice was strained and you didn’t want to look up at him, “Kook...I’m uh...” you were interrupted by Taehyung coming over to check on you, “Hey I can just take you home, I don’t want it to get worse with you being out.” You gave them both a soft smile, “I’ll be okay, besides this is an important day for Jungkook I don’t want to miss it.” Jungkook shook his head, “this is just some stupid dinner her parents wanted us to have. As long as you show up to the wedding i’ll be happy.” The dull ache settled into you chest at those words. He was getting married, this was real. But you also couldn’t help the warmth in your chest when you saw how truly happy he was, she was his soulmate and they were perfect for eachother. Taehyung led you from the restaurant and back to your apartment. Your body felt heavy with exhaustion, it had been a long time since you had coughed up so many petals. Tae never questioned you though, which you appreciated. You were extremely stubborn by nature so he wouldn’t be able to change your mind on anything. But the alcohol in his system made him a bit more vocal about his concern for you, “Y/n... you really should consider the surgery. I know that you don’t want to but I just,” you shoved past him to walk to your room, “Tae please, you can’t convince me to get this surgery. I’m happy this way.” Taehyung frowned, “but what about him? have you thought about what losing you would do to him?” your breath stuttered for a moment, “Jungkook is happy, he has his whole life with Mai ahead of him. Besides, if i get the surgery he would be losing me anyway. I would just be this ghost, a former shell of myself. I wouldn’t be his Y/n anymore.” Tae pulled you in for a hug and you mumbled into his chest, “this way, I go on my own terms. I get to live and die in love with the only man to ever make me feel like this. I’m happy enough with that.” It was true, you had finally said it out loud. You weren’t afraid really, you had such a beautiful life with him. Your partner in crime, it’s just you would have to depart earlier than planned. But that was okay. 

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