The burning in your throat was hard to ignore at this point, it fully demanded your attention and you tried your best to cough discretely, hoping that you wouldn’t end up coughing up flower petals onto the table. Taehyung looked over at you with a worried expression that you simply dismissed with a tight smile. Everything had been going so well and you didn’t want to ruin the dinner with your coughing fits. You let your gaze linger on the man at the end of the table, the one made of starlight and sunshine. Jungkook had been your best friend for the majority of your life. You met him back in kindergarten, he was a lot more shy and reserved back then but you bonded over banana milk and love of playing dinosaurs. Truly he had held your hand through life, every milestone jungkook had been right beside you a big bunny smile on his face. He had made a home in your heart and you ended up falling in love with him. It started out as an innocent crush, highschool love with butterflies and too many hormones. You kept that to yourself though, not wanting to somehow push him away. Having him in your life was enough you had decided, his smile and laugh were your favorite things. When he smiled you smiled. It wasn’t until college that things began to change, slowly at first, he made more new friends and spent less time in the shared apartment with you and Taehyung. You were happy though, seeing him break out of his little shell and blossom into this social butterfly. The year you all graduated he moved out, leaving you and Taehyung to now share the two bedroom apartment. A few months later he brought a new face to the friend group, her name was Mai. That’s when you first began your little coughing fits. And now anytime Jungkook looked at you for too long or smiled at you a certain way your heart would ache and your throat would burn. You kept everything quiet, spending less time around him and staying home more often.

Three years have passed, and now here you were, at a dinner celebrating the engagement between Jungkook and Mai. Taehyung knew something wasn’t right, he always did but never wanted to press anything with you. He figured you would tell him when you get ready. You gazed off and could see in your peripheral vision Jungkook and his now fiancé holding hands and laughing at the other end of the table. That familiar burn came back and you politely excused yourself from the table. Walking as quickly as you could you threw yourself into the first bathroom stall you could find. Deep red rose petals came tumbling from behind your lips, tears stinging at your eyes. You wiped your face and flushed them down the toilet, hoping if anyone asked you could pass this off as an upset stomach. What you weren’t expecting when you stepped out of the bathroom was Jungkook staring down at you with his big doe eyes. You could feel your stomach contract and your throat was on fire. The concern never left his face as he moved a piece of hair behind your ear. “Hey Tae told me you haven’t been feeling well lately and i just wanted to check on you,” he held his hand to your forehead, “do you want me to ask Mai to take a look at you? Sick people are kinda her specialty.” You blushed and shook your head, “No it’s okay, i just have a little stomach thing that’s all. It should be gone soon.” He didn’t step away from you and the petals were becoming hard to swallow, “You know I know you better than that, there’s something wrong and you’re not telling me.” His voice was strained and you didn’t want to look up at him, “Kook...I’m uh...” you were interrupted by Taehyung coming over to check on you, “Hey I can just take you home, I don’t want it to get worse with you being out.” You gave them both a soft smile, “I’ll be okay, besides this is an important day for Jungkook I don’t want to miss it.” Jungkook shook his head, “this is just some stupid dinner her parents wanted us to have. As long as you show up to the wedding i’ll be happy.” The dull ache settled into you chest at those words. He was getting married, this was real. But you also couldn’t help the warmth in your chest when you saw how truly happy he was, she was his soulmate and they were perfect for eachother. Taehyung led you from the restaurant and back to your apartment. Your body felt heavy with exhaustion, it had been a long time since you had coughed up so many petals. Tae never questioned you though, which you appreciated. You were extremely stubborn by nature so he wouldn’t be able to change your mind on anything. But the alcohol in his system made him a bit more vocal about his concern for you, “Y/n... you really should consider the surgery. I know that you don’t want to but I just,” you shoved past him to walk to your room, “Tae please, you can’t convince me to get this surgery. I’m happy this way.” Taehyung frowned, “but what about him? have you thought about what losing you would do to him?” your breath stuttered for a moment, “Jungkook is happy, he has his whole life with Mai ahead of him. Besides, if i get the surgery he would be losing me anyway. I would just be this ghost, a former shell of myself. I wouldn’t be his Y/n anymore.” Tae pulled you in for a hug and you mumbled into his chest, “this way, I go on my own terms. I get to live and die in love with the only man to ever make me feel like this. I’m happy enough with that.” It was true, you had finally said it out loud. You weren’t afraid really, you had such a beautiful life with him. Your partner in crime, it’s just you would have to depart earlier than planned. But that was okay. 

“Please Tae, don’t tell him. I don’t want him to live with any sort of guilt because of me. I’ll figure out something to say, but i want it to come from me.” He simply nodded and helped you into bed. A month had passed and your condition naturally worsened, more flowers bloomed within you each day and finally tae decided he was going to take you to the hospital, at least for something to ease your pain. Really you had become used to it, the thorns in your throat didn’t burn the same, and the ache in your chest was just a low dull pain. The wedding was beautiful, and ironically enough they had chosen red roses as their flowers, they were Jungkook’s favorite. Which for you was convenient for coughing into when they said their vows and you stood behind the bridesmaids, Tae staring sadly at you from his spot behind Jungkook the whole time. You were happy though, never seeing Jungkook as filled with joy and pride as he was that day. You danced and drank and lived the day to the fullest, Jungkook had even shared a dance with you. You smiled to yourself, your very last dance together. That was two weeks ago. Now you were laid up in a bed, nurses would come by to check in on you and adjust the medication or bring you small things of food to eat. Tae had visited every day, and each time would ask if you had yet to say anything to Jungkook. You knew he thought you were being selfish and maybe you were, but this was about you and no one else. Tae kissed your forehead and mumbled something under his breath before leaving for the day.

The next morning you were woken up by loud voices outside your door, your nurse could be heard talking to a man outside. You were too fatigued to move from the bed, but the figure bursting through the door made your heart nearly stop. Jungkook. Why why was he here how did he know? Your mind was racing and your couldn’t stop a tear from rolling down your cheek. His eyes were wide and frantic as he kept looking from all the medical equipment and back to you. He moved closer and you could see the dark circles under his eyes, “ Y/n... why? Why didn’t you tell me?” his voice cracked as he reached to hold your hand. You simply gave him a small smile, “because I didn’t want you to worry about me Kookie, you had a whole wedding and honeymoon to plan. I didn’t want to pull you away from all of that and have poor Mai to do it by herself.” He scoffed, “You’re my best friend, you’re supposed to tell me everything, we share everything, we,” he choked on a sob, “it’s just, I don’t want to lose you.” You bit your lip, holding back the tears forming in your eyes, “I’m sorry Kookie,” he shot up from beside you to look at the x-ray hanging on the wall. Clear as day, vines and thorns weaved themselves around inside you and a very dense bloom of flowers nested itself above your heart. He looked back at you with his now puffy face, “Who the hell is he,” his voice was harsh and you frowned, “It’s not important Jungkook, I’m the one choosing to not have the surgery.” He ran his hands through his hair, “I don’t understand, why let this kill you?! Whoever he is I promise you he’s not worth this. You can start over after the surgery I can help you recover and we can” you held up your hand to cut him off, “No Kookie that’s not what I want. I don’t want a surgery that will remove all of the happy memories I have with him, that’s not how I want to live my life. Losing that would be like losing half of myself, and I don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing why I feel like I’m missing something.” He sniffled and sat in the chair beside your bed,

“please, just this once listen to me and get the surgery.” he sounded like a child, small and broken. It broke your heart even more if that was possible. Before you could reach to hold his hand another violent coughing fit ripped through your chest and the rose petals danced around you. Jungkook’s eyes went wide and he held a petal between his fingers, you had hoped he wouldn’t make the connection but the new tears told you otherwise. “No no no this can’t be this isn’t. Why? Y/n? Please tell me it’s not..” you sighed, “jungkook I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” he crushed the petal in his hand, “I’m so sorry y/n this is all my fault.” you shook your head, “please don’t apologize, I’m still happy. I’m happy we met, I’m happy I got to be your best friend for my whole life. I’m happy I got to love you Jungkook.” he was sobbing fully now, clutching onto your arm as apologies spewed from his lips. You ran your free hand through his hair, “please don’t cry Kookie, I truly am happy I have you with me till the end.” You nodded over to the vase full of full roses that you’ve accumulated over your stay in the hospital, “They’re beautiful right Jungkook?” He nodded, “you always remembered that they were my favorite,” he whispered. “I’m happy I was able to grow flowers in my chest for you Jungkook, you gave me such a beautiful life, and I guess this is my body’s way of giving some of that beauty back to you.”

Jungkook didn’t cry at your funeral, or at the burial. How could he cry? You had died with a smile on your lips, telling him that he had always made you happy. He preserved the bouquet of roses and kept them in a safe along with his photos and memories with you. Now he looked back on his memories with you in a new light, always remembering the way you smiled around him. Jungkook had made a vow to you the day you past, he would sit and visit with you everyday and so far a year later he had kept his promise. “ Hey, it’s me again,” he spoke as he sat above your grave. He wasn’t sure why he spoke out loud, maybe some part of him believed you were listening. “I still have the flowers your grew for me, I think I’ll keep them for the rest of my life.” He placed the bouquet of pink peonies on your headstone, his eyes dull from grief. He stood up and looked down at the other flowers he had planted beside your headstone, small red roses and daffodils were sprouting now that it was spring again, “I promise to grow flowers for you too y/n, for the rest of my life.”