I Want You

Episode 1

"I've never felt anyone with your scent... how can you have the same smell since you were a child without even wearing perfume...?

The same smile I've seen for several years, the tears I've wiped, and the hugs I give, any interaction, even if minimal between us, I feel anxious, and my heart starts to pound. The feeling of guilt consumes me. But still, I want you to be mine, and I want you to call me yours.

If I could touch you more than usual? If I did that... would you hate me...? the way I want to touch you... could I end up hurting you? The more the years pass, the more my desire for you grows! I feel rotten about it, I feel like if I just didn't...

I always told you I loved you, and you always returned my words, but I know it's not the same as I feel. My "I love you" differs from your "I love you" in many ways and senses, but if you knew... you would reject me. The person I love is someone I've known since childhood... but I can't desire him the way I desire him. Because he's just like me. Because he is a man."

Cain's anguish was strong and bitter. And the desire to have him became more and more intense with the passing of time, a desire that he fears could make him lose control.

Levi, was the name of the boy he incessantly desired in his subconscious. Every night Cain dreamed of Levi, each dream more passionate and vulgar than the last.

The sensation of touching from the outside of his skin to the inside of his body and being began to be what he dreamed of most, imagining what his moans would be like if he dominated him, "what expressions would he make?", would his body react? or would he just feel disgust and revulsion? it was this kind of thinking that consumed him.

They had been together since Cain's father died, Cain has been bullied ever since, thus being excluded from the other students around him, and Levi also suffered from problems in his family, but even though he was popular with others he always went after Cain, he never left him alone and Cain consoled him. The two were each other's comfort, they were each other's refuge.

That's why it's even harder to swallow these feelings, for the uncontrollable fear of losing what they created and cultivated with all the trust, love, and affection.

Like a high-degree burn, these scenarios that Cain imagined with Levi became persistent and unbearable in his mind. But still, that feeling of despair and anxiety covered him from head to toe, hammering in his unconscious, piercing and ripping his heart, with the same torturous question: "he... Levi is also a man".