"I've never felt anyone with your scent... how can you have the same smell since you were a child without even wearing perfume...?

The same smile I've seen for several years, the tears I've wiped, and the hugs I give, any interaction, even if minimal between us, I feel anxious, and my heart starts to pound. The feeling of guilt consumes me. But still, I want you to be mine, and I want you to call me yours.

If I could touch you more than usual? If I did that... would you hate me...? the way I want to touch you... could I end up hurting you? The more the years pass, the more my desire for you grows! I feel rotten about it, I feel like if I just didn't...

I always told you I loved you, and you always returned my words, but I know it's not the same as I feel. My "I love you" differs from your "I love you" in many ways and senses, but if you knew... you would reject me. The person I love is someone I've known since childhood... but I can't desire him the way I desire him. Because he's just like me. Because he is a man."

Cain's anguish was strong and bitter. And the desire to have him became more and more intense with the passing of time, a desire that he fears could make him lose control.

Levi, was the name of the boy he incessantly desired in his subconscious. Every night Cain dreamed of Levi, each dream more passionate and vulgar than the last.

The sensation of touching from the outside of his skin to the inside of his body and being began to be what he dreamed of most, imagining what his moans would be like if he dominated him, "what expressions would he make?", would his body react? or would he just feel disgust and revulsion? it was this kind of thinking that consumed him.

They had been together since Cain's father died, Cain has been bullied ever since, thus being excluded from the other students around him, and Levi also suffered from problems in his family, but even though he was popular with others he always went after Cain, he never left him alone and Cain consoled him. The two were each other's comfort, they were each other's refuge.

That's why it's even harder to swallow these feelings, for the uncontrollable fear of losing what they created and cultivated with all the trust, love, and affection.

Like a high-degree burn, these scenarios that Cain imagined with Levi became persistent and unbearable in his mind. But still, that feeling of despair and anxiety covered him from head to toe, hammering in his unconscious, piercing and ripping his heart, with the same torturous question: "he... Levi is also a man".

.

.

.

to be continued.

Cain:

"Since we were 7 years old... that’s how long we’ve been friends; it’s been 10 years, and for the past 6 years, I’ve started to feel something more for him. Levi is smaller than me and seems more delicate, although I know that isn’t true since he practices judo. He is very attentive and pleasant; even when others leave me out, he makes a point to be with me. His skin is quite fair, unlike mine, his hair is straight (very silky) and black, his eyes are dark, he has a handsome chin, and those hands... not to mention his nape and his mouth…!

Argh! Stop thinking that, you idiot!! Even though I love him, I don’t want these feelings to veer too much into that vulgar direction; I’m disgusted by my lack of shame!! It’s not like I haven’t thought this way before, but lately, it’s intensified and become more persistent. He sees me as the perfect example! [sniffle] Sorry, love, I’m an embarrassment as a human being!

"Cain!"

And speaking of perfection.

"Hey Levi!" He runs up to me and jumps into my arms, so I hugged him. Ah~ if only I could pause time, this would be perfect. He smells so good!

Levi looks at Cain and says:

"You were standing there; don’t you know we’re late?"

"Huh?! Really?!"

The two of them ran out and arrived late to class. After getting scolded by the janitor, they made their way to the classroom. As soon as they entered, the professor looked at them and exclaimed:

"This is the third time this week that you two are late, and you don’t even live near each other."

"Sorry, professor."

"Or did they sleep together, professor?!" joked a classmate sitting at the back of the room. Everyone burst into laughter.

"And you’re just jealous, aren’t you? (Levi)" The conversation relaxed until the professor interrupted.

Meanwhile, Cain was only thinking: "If that were true, I wouldn’t have woken up today; I would have died from happiness." In the second class, one of their classmates handed Levi a note and told them to meet afterward.

Cain

"What could it be? A confession?… Well, he’s had more girlfriends than I have… Is he interested in her? Argh! How frustrating."

After class, Levi went to the spot at school known as the ‘corner,’ where people went to date. As soon as he arrived, the girl really confessed her feelings to him while Cain waited outside the school.

After some time, Levi came out and saw Cain sitting on the sidewalk, hunched over. He approached him, crouched in front of him, and asked:

"Are you okay? What are you doing here this late?"

"I was waiting for you."

"What’s this?! You could have gone home! I wouldn’t have been upset" he said with a smile on his face. Cain grabbed him by the waist and hugged him. "Cain?"

"Are you going to abandon me someday?"

"… Why would I do that, idiot?"

"I’m afraid of losing you…"

"How dramatic! Is this about that girl?"

Cain turned away.

"What if it were?"

"Don’t worry; I rejected her."

"Oh? Why?"

"She’s pretty and all, but I don’t like her. She seems a bit fake, hihihi!"

"Haha! What a relief!"

"Calm down, I won’t leave you even when I get married!"

"*That’s not what I wanted to hear!!ಥ_ಥ

(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻*"

They embraced each other again.

"Shall we go home now?"

"Let’s go."

"Cain."

"Uhm."

"Let’s watch a movie today."

"At your place? Isn’t your dad home today? (he doesn’t like me)."

Levi nodded and said, - No. He’s working late; it will just be my brother.

"Got it, let’s go then."

"I love spending time alone with him, but lately, I’d prefer if someone else was around; I’m afraid we might end up doing something."

To be continued.

Cain:

As soon as we got to his house, we grabbed some things from the fridge, and he told me to run to his room. I went in and closed the door. He doesn't usually do this. He then locked the door; his bedroom door has always been full of locks.

"What's the rush?"

"He's here with his girlfriend."

"Your brother? So what?"

"When she comes over they spend all day having sex, you can hear her moaning even from outside, but it seems like she screams louder when she knows someone is home."

"Huh? Are you serious! What a clueless woman."

"I wonder if he reacts when he hears her moaning?"

"Well, let's watch the movie. Get the flash drive in the drawer by the bed."

"Okay."

What the f*ck?!? Why does he have condoms in his room?!? Has he been using them with someone?!? Or... [imagining] does he use them by himself..? Ahh... I want to see that. I need to tease him...

"Hey, Levi."

"Huh? What are you-?!"

"Can you show me how you use this?" I said while holding the condom close to my mouth.

"Hey! Give it back, idiot!"

I started to open it, and he came at me and knocked me down on the bed... and sat on me... Shit! Don't get hard now, dammit!!

"Give me that crap back now."

"Why do you have this"crap"with you? You pervert."

I want to tease him more... I pulled his face toward mine, and when our faces were very close...

"Can't you show me how you use it?"

His expression became serious now. "I want to kiss him"... When I thought about getting closer, the moans of his brother's girlfriend started, it was more like screams.

"Damn it"he pulled the condom from my hand"I told you not to make noise!"

"My bad, (but you were the one who screamed) argh! What a drama queen!!"

"THIS BITCH RUINED EVERYTHING!! uhm? on my stomach now...? Ah, I knew it, he has an erection.... [sighs] I grabbed his waist and laid him down on the bed, this time on top of him. I touched his pants zipper and asked:

"Are you seriously telling me you got hard just from listening to that choking bitch's horrible voice?"

His expression wasn't normal, and he didn't yell at me right away like he usually does, that reaction made me "excited" between the legs too. "Why the hell did you blush?! Kick me! Yell at me!"

"I-I need to use the bathroom."he said as he subtly slipped away.

"Hey, now you can use the condom."he gave me an angry look and went to the bathroom.

"Did I go too far? And THIS BITCH WON'T STOP SCREAMING!! Argh! I ended up getting hard too.... I wasn't expecting that reaction... damn it..."

A while later he came back from the bathroom, so quiet that he seemed more "calm" than when he left. He took the flash drive and started setting up the movie.

"Levi"

"Uhm?"

"Sorry."

"Huh? What for?"he said turning quickly and confused.

"I think I annoyed you by teasing you..."

He came close to me, touched my hair, and said:

"I wasn't mad, I was just embarrassed... -"Oh my heart...!

"Can I hug you?"

Levi smiled and snuggled up to me, put his legs on top of mine, and hugged me tightly with his arms. I took advantage of it because I'm not an idiot, and I hugged him back. He said:

"Like this?"

"It's perfect. -"Ah~ happiness... it would be better if that woman would stop screaming!

Suddenly the moans stopped and were followed by a bang on his bedroom door. We were startled, and when we looked at the door, it was open and Levi's father was standing there, his brother was further back, and his girlfriend stared at us.

"Dad...!"

I stood up before he could say anything (I was already thinking of avoiding any conflict since his father doesn't like me).

"Sorry to interrupt, I didn't know you were home."

"I just got here, and I came up because I saw a different shoe at the door. By the way... why were you two hugging like that?"

"Have you never hugged your friends?"

"Not like that."he looked at my hips, I was still "like that""and I've never gotten excited hugging one."

Everyone started staring at me, Levi stood up. I said:

"What man wouldn't react to a choking woman moaning?"

"What?"asked his brother.

"A woman moaning uncontrollably in her boyfriend's room, any idiot knows perfectly well what's going on in there."

He seemed content with the answer, until he looked at the bed and saw the condom package.

"And what about that? Any idiot who sees an open condom in a room with two people locked inside knows perfectly well what happened in there."

"Dad, that's" "he was interrupted by a slap to the face from his father."

"Hey!"I grabbed his shirt furiously"WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Levi pulled my arm.

"It's okay! Hey! Cain!"

"Looks like you found yourself a loyal customer. You really are just like your mother."

"YOU BASTARD!"

"Cain!!"

Levi pulled me away from his father with force. An awkward silence filled the air. He held my hand.

"Calm down, it's okay."

"I think I'd better go."

"I'll go with you."

I grabbed my things, and as we were leaving the room, his father grabbed his shoulder and said:

"Come back alone with an explanation."

"Understood."

We left his house, Levi actually dragged me out of his house. We walked two blocks away from his house, him still in front, holding my hand, head down. "Is he crying..?" I quickened my pace to be by his side, and he sped up. "I'll give him some time... he's crying".

We walked for a while longer, and he wiped his face and stopped walking.

"I'm sorry about earlier."I hugged him.

"Why are you apologizing, idiot? I was the one who opened the condom, and I was the one who asked for the hug, besides making you scream. I'm sorry, I hate seeing you like this..."

"It's okay..."

"That's the biggest lie, isn't it? His face was red and swollen... that bastard's slap was strong..." I caressed the bruise on his face.

"I shouldn't have provoked him... does it hurt?"

"No."

"Are you lying?"

He looked away.

"No..."

"Idiot, tell me when it hurts."I rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you."

"Me too."

"Don't say 'me too,' it sounds like you're agreeing and not responding." I looked at his face and told him to come over to my house so we could take care of his cheek. We went home, and I treated his injury.

"I need to go now."

"Huh? Why?"

"It's late."We had school in the afternoon, so since everything happened, it was already eight o'clock at night.

"And that's exactly why you're sleeping here. Okay?"

"Okay, I'll let my dad know."

"Okay."

He left my room to call his dad and went to the living room. After a while, he came back and said his dad said it was okay as long as he came back before class the next day.

To be continued.