ep.5: let me explain

He kindly escorted me out, like a gentleman. He had waited until all his friends and classmates had left and then he finally said to me.

“Kayla. I’m so sorry I suddenly left school and didn’t tell you. I’ve missed you so much and I’m sure you’ve missed me too. I’ll explain everything, I promise. On the day of my flight, I was planing to tell you something I’ve always wanted to tell you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you this. Kayla...I li-” He said in a fast pace.

I cut him off.

“Stop. Stop. I said Stop! I can’t- no, I don’t want to listen anymore. Who said I ever missed you? Who said that I even cared that you left?! Who said that I’d ever want to remember you?!?” I said in a cold harsh voice to him.

“The moment you left without saying anything, anything at all, not even a single goodbye, our friendship or whatever we had was over.”

All my feelings for him, all the words I’ve wanted to tell him starting flooding back. I just want to hold him in my arms in this very moment and tell him that everything is going to be alright, that I’m here for him, how much I’ve missed him, how much I’ve waited for him and how I wished everything went back to normal and time stopped then with a smile on my face but I couldn’t.

Behind every smile there’s a reason. The reason doesn’t have to be a happy and sweet one but can be a disheartening and painful one. A smile to cover up all the regret and mistakes someone has done to another. I don’t want to feel broken again. He doesn’t even know how much I liked him, how long I’ve waited for him to come back, and how much I wished to hear him say he regretted it, that he missed me so much. The hope I had once given him shattered..., or was I the only one hoping from the very beginning?

Right now all I can say is that: I’m sorry but I gave up long time ago. Even though there are mere glimpse of him appearing in my dreams that makes me never want to wake up again. I already told myself. I’m not the same person I used to be - I changed.

I’m not the weak and heartbroken girl who kept on telling herself that he would come back, that he left only because he had a seriously reason to.

That was the old me, who I don’t even know anymore.

He looked at me, with a tear escaping from his eye. For the first time he was the one who looked broken, he was the one who looked betrayed, he was the one who looked like he gave himself hope only to see it all backlash before his eyes. This was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry; for a second, I felt guilty, devastated for I was the reason for his precious tears. I just didn’t dare look at him again, all the courage I had in me disappeared so I walked out thinking this was the end of our friendship.

I guessed wrong. His cold, frail hand grabbed my mine, pulling me backwards facing him, our fingers almost intertwining.

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