MY WOUNDED LOVE (TAEKOOK)
13
Jungkook focuses on study but he can't ignore it
There is something going on with his head and he doesn't know how to deal with it at first it was only loneliness now it's something else at least he can attribute his loneliness to him being single that's something maybe he only craves some sort of affection a relationship anything of that sort
But now it's just not that it's been biting his chest this feeling which he doesn't know how to name it and then he doesn't want to but it's there this weird feeling keeps him awake at night and keeps him isolated in his house even when Hoseok asks him to go out
With Hoseok this feeling is even stronger that's why Jungkook tries to avoid him which is sh*tty but Jungkook is all about self-preservation still he has dance practice with Hoseok half of his lectures are shared with Hoseok but it's during their dance class which gets kinda harder to deal with
He gives this feeling a name during one of his practices after they sweat through the layers of clothes and Jungkook sites down to catch a breath and Hoseok keeps dancing he keeps pushing himself keeps practicing with a look of total bliss
Hoseok knows what he wants he is confident he'll make it Hoseok wanted to be admitted to this course and he has he wanted to move to Seoul and he did he wanted to dance and he is he wants to enter in that dance studio which he has been eyeing for ages and surely he will Hoseok is confident about it he will he is training for months and months he knows that he is gonna make it Hoseok will keep dancing because that's all he has ever done and that all what he ever wanted and he gets whatever he wants man he gets it there is no other way he knows how to get something he wants but above all of this Hoseok knows he will succeed in dancing he will accomplish all of his dream's with Yoongi by his side
That's when Jungkook finds a name for whatever it is he is feeling apart from loneliness
That's what it is this is what he is feeling and that's what he is
He comes home that evening he gets under the shower immediately with tears stinging his eyes and some sort of boiling rage which is itching and burning under his skin
What does he wants ? Hoseok knows what he wants so why doesn't Jungkook ? after all he loves dancing as well right ? It's fun
Maybe that's where the problem is it's fun for him but it's something else for Hoseok something deep something which looks like hunger which makes his eyes sparkle which keeps him going
But Jungkook doesn't have that he doesn't have a hunger a passion or a fire feeling in his heart to keep him going holding out a hand to reach a goal he doesn't have anything like this and he also doesn't have anyone to achieve a goeal with he doesn't have no one by his side
He is helpless to it all Life, Friendship, Relationship he is walking alone on this empty road and he is helpless and this feeling is fu*king him up
He is standing in the balcony for what feels like ages the coffee in his mug is untouched and now cold as well his eyes is fixed on the road beneath him a few cars passing by in the distance the lights of gangnam is still awake never asleep
Jungkook turns around and he finds Taehyung closer than he expected standing on his side of the balcony the only thing which is dividing them is the iron railing cutting the balcony in half the railings height barely reaches their hips
Jeon Jungkook
You are still up at this hour
Taehyung lights up a ciggerate blowing out smoke jungkook notice blue colour staines on Taehyung's hand and neck
Jeon Jungkook
How's it going ?
Taehyung licks his lips staring at the night view from his balcony
Jeon Jungkook
Can't be that bad
Taehyung bits back his voice thin and eyes fixed on the view
Kim Taehyung
I fu*king hate it nothing is coming out the way I want it to be and the deadline is coming close I can feel them biting my *** already and I fu*king hate it
Jungkook blinks and slowly he takes in the state Taehyung is in his robe is hanging loose on his shoulder the fabric is stained with paint as well and-
And he just looks really tired jaw clenched hard his arms crossed over his chest and his fingers incessantly on his elbow and with his index finger he is tapping nervously on the ciggerate and there is something heavy in his eyes something which scares Jungkook
Jeon Jungkook
Taehyung are you okay ?
Kim Taehyung
You don't look good either
Kim Taehyung
What's wrong kook ?
Jungkook can't help but feel like Taehyung doesn't really care about how Jungkook is feeling and that's mean he probably does but it's not that
The reason why Taehyung is asking him about his condition is just because he is trying to change the subject and Jungkook is not an a*shole so he doesn't push Taehyung
Taehyung arches an eyebrow at him even his gray hair has some paint dried on it
Jungkook sighs and gets a bit closer to the railing between him and Taehyung he grips it
Jeon Jungkook
I don't know just a bad day I guess ?
Kim Taehyung
That sounds more like a question
Kim Taehyung
Hey seriously what's wrong ?
Now he does sounds concerned Jungkook frowns at this he sees Taehyung just staring at his hand on the railing and that's what makes Jungkook realise that his grip on the railing is too tight almost turning his knuckles white
Taehyung belows out the smoke and throws the ciggerate down off the balcony he puts his hand on top of Jungkook's hand looks at him staring right in his eyes
Kim Taehyung
What's wrong Jungkook ?
So much shit is wrong everything is wrong everything is too gloomy and hopeless but Jungkook doesn't say it not all of it at least
Jeon Jungkook
I'm so fu*king lonely
Taehyung's gaze change it turns sad it turns sympathetic there's a silent "yes mee too" in the air and now Taehyung's hand feels warm
Empathy is a weird thing they stay quiet for a while Jungkook looking at Taehyung's hand resting on top of his the blue paint on Taehyung's golden skin
It's the way he says it that has Jungkook's heart almost stop in his chest he has heard it before that night in club Taehyung taking his name like that and Jungkook likes it this makes his heart warm just like he wants
When he looks at Taehyung the artist is gazing at him with his eyes lidded
Kim Taehyung
Do you want me to make you feel less lonely ?
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