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You Know You’re Living an A*Strictly Backwards Life If… Politicians keep telling you “that s*** is wrong,” but the only thing they fix is their hair before the next photo op—shout out to Chris Rock for saying what we’re all thinking in Head of State. You vote for “change,” but the only thing that changes is the font on the campaign signs and the size of the candidate’s smile. They say, “We need affordable health care!” but the only thing getting healthier is the insurance company’s bank account. They promise “better schools,” but the only thing getting upgraded is the football field scoreboard and the superintendent’s car. They talk about “ending poverty,” but the only thing ending is your patience while waiting for a living wage. They say, “We need to fix Social Security!” but the only thing getting secured is their own retirement plan. You’re told “every vote counts,” but your ballot always gets lost somewhere between “hanging chads” and “technical difficulties.” They promise to “clean up Washington,” but the only thing getting swept is another scandal under a rug the size of the National Mall. They say, “We’re tough on crime,” but the only thing getting locked up is your cousin for jaywalking while Wall Street walks free. They claim to “feel your pain,” but the only thing they’re feeling is the leather on their new office chair. They talk about “family values,” but you haven’t seen your family since you started your second job—just to pay for gas. They say, “We’re all in this together,” but somehow you’re the only one stuck in traffic while they get a police escort and a helicopter ride. They promise “tax relief,” but the only thing getting lighter is your wallet and heavier is their campaign fund. They say, “We need to fix the system,” but the only thing getting fixed is the next election. They talk about “unity,” but the only thing coming together is the politicians and their lobbyists at a steakhouse. They say, “We need to protect the environment,” but the only thing getting recycled is the same old speeches. They talk about “the American Dream,” but the only people living it are the ones selling you pillows on late-night TV. They say, “We’re making progress!” but the only thing moving forward is the line at the DMV. They promise “opportunity for all,” but the only opportunity you get is a chance to fill out another survey that nobody reads. Closing Thought If you’ve ever watched a politician say “that s*** is wrong” and then do absolutely nothing about it, congratulations—you’re living in an A*Strictly backwards life. Shout out to Chris Rock for calling it like it is in Head of State—because sometimes, the only thing more backwards than the system is the way they spin it. #AStrictlyBackwardsLife #HeadOfState #ChrisRockTruths #ThatStuffIsWrong #BackwardsPolitics

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