chapter 1
Sometimes, Life brings you to a point where you either want to die and finish this off, or you want to keep fighting for the people that love you.
And then there's a point where you are stuck between the two. You're unsure whether to give up or keep fighting.
But one thing you should never do is blame anyone for the life you have or pity yourself. One should always be thankful for what they have and not cry for what they don't.
Something I have accepted in my life.
My Nanna always taught me one thing, and I will never forget that.
"Life has many ways of testing a person's will and desire to live. It's either by NOTHING happening at all or EVERYTHING happening at once or at different times," the last 5 years.
But why am I telling you about this? Coz that's what my life is about.
My name is Alex Juliana Rivers. I am 24 years old, from Longview in Texas. But I have been living in Orlando, Florida, with my Nanna for the last 5 years.
I am an Occupational Therapist for young children with special needs, but specifically children with Autism and have been practicing for a year after graduating. I love what I do. The children are absolute Angels to work with.
My father, Drake Rivers, lives in Longview, Texas and was the Vice President for the motorcycle club.
But the unexpected happened when Mama was heavily pregnant with me at 9 months and almost close to her due date.
A rival MC club put out a hit on Pop. He was driving Mama home from her doctor's appointment when they got hit by another car, which caused the car to hit a tree. Mama suffered horrific injuries in the accident and was taken to the hospital. The doctors managed to save me, but Mama went into a coma from the shock of her injuries. 4 days after the accident, she lost her battle and left us.
Since that day, Pop held me responsible for her death and withdrew himself from me.
He would show all the love and care to my brother but nothing to me. Nina, who was Prez Brick's wife/old lady looked after me as my own father refused to even look at me. According to him, I killed Mama and might as well have died instead of her.
2 years after Mama's death, Pop met Tara and within the year made her his old lady. She is a total angel, loved me and Dom like her own, but Pop continued his hatred for me. I was 5 years old when Tara had our younger brother Ricky.
Ricky was an absolute cutie, my little heart and was lucky enough to get the love from Pop. My brother Dom hated Pop for his attitude, but couldn't do anything about it.
Life went on as years passed. I did everything to please my father, but it was never enough. His attitude towards me got worse as I grew older. WHY?
Coz I was the spitting image of my Mama
And then there was him. RAGNAR. The Prez's son.
My first crush, my first love. My brother's best friend.
Ragnar and Dom used to call me Fatty coz I was a little chubby growing up. But he always told me how cute I was. There was a lot of flirting between us growing up.
Finally,, on my 18th birthday, Ragnar asked me out. Our first date was dreamy and everything a girl would want. But he was only like this with me. A big old softie.
For the rest of the world, he was the tough biker to take over from His father as soon as the King of the MC. Everything was great for a year until that one dreadful night.
As if my life couldn't take a more drastic turn, I was taken away by
Nanna from my home, my family and from my love Ragnar in a single second.
What happened? That's a story for another time.
Since that night 5 years ago, I have lived with my Nanna in Orlando and completed my studies here. Dom has visited me from time to time with Ricky, but nothing from Pop or Ragnar. Tara and Nina have been loving mothers to me, who call me every day.
Ragnar and Dom took over the MC last year, and since then, Dom has been pushing me to move back home. After so much fighting with Dom, I gave in and am finally moving back home to start my own practice in Longview.
Nanna/Lillian
Honey, are you sure about this?
Alex /Al{Mc}
Nanna, I will be ok. After all, it's my family I am going back to.
You should think about moving in with me.
Nanna/Lillian
And see that grumpy ogre's face every day? No,, thank you
Alex /Al{Mc}
NANNA!!!!
Pop isn't that bad
Alex /Al{Mc}
Ok, he is...
But trust me. I will be fine. Plus, I am not staying at the clubhouse. I have already rented an apartment close to my practice
Nanna/Lillian
Like your brothers are going to let that happen!
Alex /Al{Mc}
They don't get a choice, Nanna.
Nanna/Lillian
Baba, please think about this once again. You want to go back to that place?
You know I never wanted to rip you away from your brothers and the ladies, but think again, baby. Please!
Alex /Al{Mc}
Nanna, I can't push Dom back anymore. It breaks my heart every time him and Ricky tell me they miss me.
Regardless of what happened, I can't do that to my brothers
Nanna/Lillian
And what about Ragnar?
Alex /Al{Mc}
He won't probably care about me anymore.
He has moved on Nanna.
Might not even remember me now.
You know he has an almost 2-year-old danughter and probably a old lady already
Nanna/Lillian
You don't know that
ME!!!!
That is something I don't know how to answer.
It's always been him for me. It is him and I don't know if it will always be like this. There hasn't been anyone else since.
It's not like I didn't try. I did but no one compared to him.
I tried to explain myself to Ragnar a month after that night but he never gave me the chance to do so.
Alex /Al{Mc}
I am fine.
He has moved on and so have I
Sean
Keep telling that to yourself
Sean O'Connell. My best friend. My b*tch.
He understands me. He is a speech therapist for young children with special needs. I met him at med school and have been best friends since. We have been working together for the last year as well.
Nanna/Lillian
Hello My darling
One thing about Sean. He loves Nanna and Nanna loves him. I sometimes think More than me
Alex /Al{Mc}
Yea I love you both too
Sean
Don't be jealous, Baba. You know Nanna is always the most important. She feeds me.
Sean came over and hugged me and Nanna.
Sean
He's in the past and probably in hell
Nanna/Lillian
Oh honey, what's wrong?
Alex /Al{Mc}
He didn't? Again?
Sean
Yea...
Once a cheater always a cheater....
Max was Sean's long term boyfriend. He caught him cheating twice but always forgave him. But that b*stard could never behave.
Sean
He is gone for good this time!!!!
Anyways.... you ready?
Alex /Al{Mc}
Yea all done...
Alex /Al{Mc}
Sean, please... we talked about this and yes Nanna I am sure
Nanna/Lillian
Ok honey... come here...
I hugged Nanna and held on to her tightly.
Nanna/Lillian
You know you can always come back right?
Alex /Al{Mc}
I know. But promise me you will think about moving to Longview?
Nanna/Lillian
I will baby...
Sean
Alright let's go... don't want you missing your flight.
Alex /Al{Mc}
Yea ok.
I love you Nanna...
Nanna/Lillian
Love you too baby… Give the boys my love and yes tell Liv I am so happy for her...
Alex /Al{Mc}
I will Nanna. Bye
Liv is Ragnar's younger sister, my best friend and Dom's girlfriend and old lady. Dom just popped the question last week after being together for 3 years. I can't be happier. My brother found the special someone everyone wants in their life.
That someone special I don't know if it will ever happen for me or not.
Why?
Well it's always been Ragnar and the problem is I compare every guy to him. I don't do it on purpose, but it just happens. Now that he has moved on, I can try to do so.
Try for myself and try to forget him.
We got into Sean's car and I could feel him looking at me again and again
Sean
You know you can talk to me anytime or about anything, right?
Alex /Al{Mc}
I know babe...
Sean
(sighing) Then why, Alex? Why go back to that place that holds nothing but pain for you.
Alex /Al{Mc}
Sean!!!
My brothers are there too... My family!!!! The two women who love me are their own. And my mother's memory.
The people who actually love, me. Who cares about me. Isn't that enough?
Sean
And what about your dad and That.... King?
Alex /Al{Mc}
Well I don't exist for Pop anymore, remember? If I did, he would have at least tried to check on me once in the last 5 years. Or at least answered my calls and messages.
And as for King, he has moved on. I am sure he doesn't care about me anymore or even remembers me for that matter.
Alex /Al{Mc}
Anyways, when are you coming to visit me?
Sean
Changing subjects, ha?
Okay babe... no problem
Sean
Yea soon. Maybe in a month or two when I get some time off from the practice ok
We arrived at the airport, and I checked in for my flight. I had already sent most of my work and personal belongings by courier, which will arrive in a few Days.
Sean
This is it, Baba!
I am going to miss you, babe.
Come here...
Alex /Al{Mc}
Oh, Seany!!!!
That was my nickname for him...
We hugged each other tightly. The truth is Sean treated me like his own little brother. He died in a car accident a couple of years ago.
Sean
You know babe... if that Ragnar or King or whatever his name is...
If he behaves like an ass, you know who to call
Alex /Al{Mc}
You, of course, my man!!!!
Sean
Yeah….. NAH!!!!
You tell your brother who can kick his ass..
I will probably land up crushing on him
Alex /Al{Mc}
Hahaha haha…. you are so bad..
Sean
I know... right....
Take care Alex!!! I will miss you gorgeous.
Alex /Al{Mc}
I will miss you too Seany!!!!!
Love you lots
Sean
Iiiiiii love youuuu toooooo
I hugged Sean one last time and went through security check.
I was waiting to board my flight when my phone rang
Dominic / Dom
📞FATTTYYY!!!!
Dominic Rivers
28 years old Alex's older brother and best friends with Ragnar VP OF The Chaincurse
Dominic / Dom
Hahaha...
You checked in doll?
Alex /Al{Mc}
Yes big brother!... waiting to board
Olivia / Liv
AAAAAHHΗΗΗΗ ....
FINALLY, I Can't WAIT
Alex /Al{Mc}
Wow... ear drums... my poor ear drums, Liv.... aaahhhh
Dominic / Dom
She has been like this all week, Baba!!!
Sometimes I feel she loves you more than me.
Olivia / Liv
Of course, I do
Alex /Al{Mc}
Hahaha,… Anyways my flight's been called.
Dominic / Dom
No worries doll. I will see you at the airport
Alex /Al{Mc}
No no… I will be fine to get to my apartment ok?
Dominic / Dom
Baba!!!! We spoke about this
Alex /Al{Mc}
Yes we did... I will call you when I get to the APARTMENT...
Bye bro... love you
Dominic / Dom
Alex, I am serious...
Alex /Al{Mc}
Oh, look at that... last call...
Love you bro.... byeeeee
I cut the call before he could say anything else. I boarded the flight and settled in for the long 8-hour flight.
The whole flight I was restless. Not because Dom will fight me to the end about moving back to the clubhouse.
I was more restless coz I didn't know how it would go when I finally come face to face with Pop after 5 years. What will his reaction be when he sees me?
And more importantly what will be Ragnar's reaction? Angry? Mad? Or would he even care I came back. After all, he never gave me the chance to explain myself. He never even returned any of my calls or emails or messages.
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