Chapter 3 : The insanity

Chapter 3 : The insanity

Since, that day I didn't ever kept my foot inside the music club. If there was any work I wouldn't do it either or I would send someone in my place to do that work.

If anyone think I'm being over dramatic then whatever it is I don't care. All I want say to them is 'be in my position and choose what will you do'.

For me, Music club is the last place where ever I want to be. I wouldn't ever go there out of my own will but today is an exception.

I had a call from Phi Kim calling me to the club for something urgent and he did emphasis on 'me being there rather than someone else'.

So, I guess I can't really send someone on my behalf. Which is bad cause I don't like breathe in the same air with that guy.

It would have been nice if I could send someone as my proxy. I did countless time sending someone else as proxy. The Campus Star title is quite useful when you want people to work for you.

I'm not using them FYI. Rather, they line up for it. Besides having them follow me every moment of my life or having to cope up with their annoying selves all day. Making themselves useful sounds more interesting to me.

Back to topic,

As much I hate going there again, but I have to today because Phi Kim was the one calling me there.

I won't ever think to go there if he wasn't the one calling me there. I  basically pity Phi Kim. I gave him hard multiple times.

Example:- Moon and Star Competition. He was forced by his seniors to make me participate cause he was in his sophomore year. Which he was our senior(Second year).

They wanted me to join the competition. So, the Architecture faculty would win and Me... being stubborn mostly take 80% part of in my personality. You know I didn't agreed to it until the very end.

Later, I had to give in because I got pressure by the whole faculty including professor and quickly understood what he was going through.

So, If Phi Kim is the one calling me. I have to go there. Besides I knew he wouldn't call if it wasn't something important. At least I should go and listen what he got to say.

So, I bid my farewell to my friend at the cafeteria. I headed straight towards the building where music club is situated.

My desire not wanting to go there overtook me a great time and I tried to take the longest time to ever reach there.

Ususally it takes 10min walk from architecture faculty cafeteria to the music club room building but today it took me 30min to walk there. You could guess the amount of urge I got to desperately wanting to go there.

When I did at reached at the music club room there was only Phi Gorn, Phi Kim, Phi Dew and Earn. They are Phi Gorn band members and they were the only one present there. None other club members could be seen.

I don't come here often but I can recognize Phi Gorn band members cause they are popular band in the university. Everyone talks about them not that I have any interest in any of them. I just know cause it they are popular here.

Leaving that, Why did they even call me here? There is no other club members available here. Obviously it's not any club meeting if there is no club members present here.

So, the question is why did they even call me in here. This pique my interest a little. I took step inside the club room. I was standing outside the door for quite while better get straight to the business.

“Ooho, So on time!” Phi Gorn taunted me. As soon as I walked into that place. I didn't even kept my foot in here properly and this guy started taunting me. This guy has no rest does he?

I wanted to turn around and walk back to my faculty immediately as I already stepped inside the room. I can’t just get away from here as soon as I step in. Can I?

“Risa, Come in!” Phi Kim said and grabbed my hand before I could run away from here. This guy's brain works really well. He immediately sensed my escape. Hence, he dragged me inside the room before that happens.

Look like I have to tolerate that guy for some time I guess.

“Phi, why did you call me here?” I asked. When we reached end of the room where all the bench was situated. Everyone was sitting there.

I immediately started questioned him because I didn't wanted to waste my time seeing that guy makes me want to scratch his face so badly. Before I let imagination become reality let just get over with it.

“Calm down first. Don't kill each other. I'm warning you guys” Phi Kim told while pointing both me and Phi Gorn. Obviously I wanted to scratch his face and he also have similar looks on his face.

How dare he!

We were at a staring competition at the moment. It is very obvious what is going on in our mind.

If this guy think he could glare at me. I will get scared due to his glare and I will back down. He is surely mistaken

Just because someone is older doesn't mean they could get away with everything. I'm not kind of person you should except all this from. 'you should respect older even if they are wrong' Bullshit!

I don't have it in my blood. I can

equally return him with the same glare without backing out.

Wait a minute, use your brain Risa. if I want to get out of here early. I have to get straightto the point rather than letting this guy gets on my nerves and waste my time on him.

Wish. Wish. Don’t Let this wish turn into reality Risa. I told myself this over and over again.

“I won't! just say what have to say Phi Kim.” I replied to Phi Kim and reverted my attention to him.

I should literally give my attention to places where it is worth. I don't have to waste my breath on useless people.

“Good, you know.. we have band right?” Phi Kim asked me. I could sense hesitation in his voice. This clearly gives me red alert.

I'm not a fool. Who can't differentiate people's behavior easily. If there is something off going on I would sense it right away. You could say 'I'm a good observer'.

Now, The problem is why is he is hesitating? He would normal talk carelessly because we consider each other good Phi and Nong.

If he hesitating this make me nervous because last time I heard this same tone of voice is when asked me to join Moon and Star competition. This tone of voice always bring me into the mess.

“I know.” I said being genuinely nervous. I don't want get myself dragged into another mess.

I'm already trying to clear one. Due to this Moon and Star competition. I don't want add another one to the list. Currently I'm sensing high chances of it.

“One of our band member is leaving the band… we have competition upcoming next week we need you to fill in..” Phi Kim explained. His way of speaking was different from usual. I can sense his nervousness and desperateness.

“I can't.” I told him directly. I know this is a serious issue and ever after listening to Phi Kim nervous and desperate voice and other members pitiful gaze on me.

All of this won't work at me. I told him which I felt was the right thing to do and that is answering 'NO'.

I will never do this.

There is no way that I'm being part of this band. This band have Phi Gorn in it. Obviously he is not solely the reason he is not that important in my life there are other reason too.

"Why Risa? Can't you help us just this once.” Phi Kim asked with his tone voice was down pleading me which almost looked like begging.

“Let her be, I told you she would never join us…..Big ego she got.” Phi Gorn said and gave this attitude ‘told to so' at Phi Kim.

“And you don’t have big ego? Phi, I don't know what's your problem with me? But I won't waste my time on you. You can think whatever you like….As for Phi Kim, I have responsibilities of my own which I need to focus on.” I said.

Honestly I don't know why this guy got a beef with me but I have no time feeding him with anything. He has no right to judge me and I won't let him affect me too.

After hearing my words the band members were in obvious shock. All of them were staring at each other. You could see the obvious confusion on their faces with eyes widened.

Judging from thier looks in thier faces I think they couldn't process the information what they just heard few seconds ago.

All of were staring at each other. The cold air filled the room leaving everyone in the room silent with obvious error of 'what to say now'.

If course it was beside me and Phi Gorn. I sure he was literally thinking to murder me in his thoughts. I wanted to tell him the feeling were mutual.

After seeing everyone reaction. I guess no one gives that guy a taste of his own medicine. I would happily be the first person and I can give it over and over again too.

“Good because I don't like you to be part of our band too. You could leave.” Phi Gorn said. When I was already thinking to leave this room.

He said these things without showing a single expression on his face while pointing me the door but even without a expression his face it still shows how much he meant what he just said.

This was enough to flared up my rages at an a undescribable level. I clenched my fist to ease my anger but nothing was working.

"You don't want me to join right?" I asked.

I need to went my anger which flared up.

It is high time to leave now and I didn't leave as I was planning earlier. Rather I took a step closer to Phi Gorn and I faced him directly. I didn't let a single expression get on my face.

I have to give this guy a taste of his own medicine. I wouldn't people easily get on my nerves. I normally don't get affected. I don't know why this guy with glasses always make stand on the edge of the hill and always on the urge of unleashing my rage.

"Clearly." Phi gorn replied with unbothered expression. This behavior of his and these unbothered expression on his face. I hate it so much that I can't even explain it.

Everytime I see him like this I can't surpass my emotions like I usually do.

I have no difficulty acting unbothered with anything but whenever I get his expression like these. I would lose my composure easily. Which make me hate it even more.

His expression wasn't enough already. He even took a step closer to me now without backing up. This make me fall from the edge which I was trying to hold on to for so long.

Our faces were very close to each other. We were glaring at each other without anyone backing down. I had already lost my sanity.

Cause of it I broke this battle by turning myself to the right where Phi Kim was standing.

"Then Phi Kim please listen to this carefully. I. WILL. JOIN. THE. BAND." I told him confidently without forgetting to add sarcasm in my each word.

After I was done with my sentences I got myself out of the music club room.

I have officially lost it. I didn't knew what I just did but I'm regretting the every moment of it already. The moment I got out of the music club room building realization hitted me hard on my face. I HAVE MESSED UP.

Why did I ever let my rage get over me. It was biggest stupidity I have ever done in my life. I need get away from here. I ran fast as I could to the cafe outside the university.

I already called my friends there as I got to the cafe. Obviously I can't handle this mess on my own.

Like literally how I am suppose to handle this now. I'm going crazy I think.

"I need to get out of this shit." I said while messing my hair. I have rested my head on the table out of frustration. I can't show my face to my friends. After doing the dumbest thing I did in my life.

Daisy seated next to me trying to soothe me. Pattch was sipping her americano silently trying to think how to get me out of this mess.

"You dug your own grave" Daisy said frantically. She was basically rubbed salt on my wounds.

This made wanted to rethink why did I ever had friends for. I wanted to bang her head somewhere so bad. I'm already in mess and she is not helping me rather she is laughing at me.

"Stop irritating rather help me. How to get out this mess!" I said with visible frustration on my face. I wish I could kick this friend of mine.

Actually, I look like I'm having episode of mental breakdown. Which is very accurate cause I'm having one right now. This make her want to tease me more. When did I ever started behaving like this.

This is so not me!.

I don't display my emotions at all. I can always hide them well. I am so out of place today that I can't handle myself too. What is happening to me right now.

"You can talk to Phi Kim and back out now." Daisy suggested. I got my face from the table and saw Diasy's face for second.

I tried gathered myself. I got my head up from the table and adjusted myself to sit properly. I need to handle myself I won't let that guy affect me so much. I'm trying to convince myself but I can’t. It's not like everyday I do these kinds of mistakes.

In fact this is my first time doing something so out of my rage. Normally I will make our lose there mind it's never been me. I don't what driven me to take such rash decision. I regret my life choices deeply now.

"You can't back out now it won't look good. If you do it now you might even give Phi Gorn a chance to mock you and you won't be able fight back given your situation right now." Patch said calmly. She was trying to think for a solution for a while but it looks like she also didn't got any solution for this too.

"You're right. How did I even managed to get myself into this insanity." I said to went my frustration. It's clearly visible right now how I desire to knock myself against any wall for my stupidity.

"You're right. Usually other would lose thier mind against you. How come it's been this time." Daisy asked me a question which I don't have answer too.

I just shrugged my shoulders. As I don't have any answer.

I don't lose my composure easily with other people.

Literally almost everyone on the university tried to get on my nerves but they never had this pleasure how I can lose it now. I feel Iike biggest loser right now.

"I can't think. I'm tired... I will leave first" that's all I could reply to her. My head hurt just by the thought of what I did few hours ago.

I can't imagine it myself actually tolerating this even in my imagination. If I can't imagine it then how I am supposed to cope up with it in the reality that's the biggest question right now but I don't have a answer right now. I have to go back and rest.

This is the best decision now.

Diasy is right I did dug my own grave and I can't do anything about it.

We all came to one conclusion that I have to do what I have promised because I can't go back now.

Just thought about letting that guy have any chances to speak rubbish is intolerable for me. I won't even let him do this even in his dream. So, what do think does he even got a chance in reality.

NOT A HAPPENING!

I have accepted the fact that I gotta do what I have to and I decided to get back to my condo. I need to go back my house tomorrow.

Daisy and Patch let me leave first cause I look too exhausted and they know I have to go to my house tomorrow. So, they don't want to disturb me more.

As you already know I live in condo which is near my university but my home is actually a little far from the university almost 30 min aways from university.

That's why I sometimes have to visit my home time to time. Where my family used to live. Now, just Uncle and my cousin lives there.

As a architecture student I need to live somewhere close to university which is very helpful when I need to work on different assignment living near university is really convenient but I didn't moved to the condo just because of this reason.

I simply wanted to run away from the reality that my house contains. That house have too many memories of my family which haunted me a lot. I can't live there for longer period of time. otherwise I have episodes of insomnia for a while.

Obviously, I have to go back home sometime to meet my uncle. He basically raised me. My brother is in the same university as me. He lives with his friends obviously the same place as me. We just have our condo on different floors.

Mine is on 4th floors while his is on 6th. I do meet him almost every now and then but not my uncle that's why I call him everyday and visit him regularly.

So, I have to go home occasionally show my face to my uncle. I need to be grateful to him for what did for me until now.

As if, My life wasn't already at edge. Now I pushed myself of the cliff by my foolishness.

I guess this is called:

Pure Insanity.

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