THE BEGINNING

I can't stop crying... I really need a hug but all I can do is hug myself and cry for now...

Sometimes I wonder that the times I cut myself, Will the scars ever disappear. Every time whether i am angry or upset, I cut myself. I don't ever want to hurt people around me, my close ones...

Everyday I try to cover them with fake sleeves (acting to be cool). I can't help it. I feel that everyday my scars tend to sting and grow deeper, it feels like this stinging feeling is growing and feels like it has reached my heart at such a level that I'm again being swallowed by my anxiety. I wish if they would go away...please God Help me...*SOB*SOB*SOB*

I'm actually writing an autobiography on myself....

I don't know where to start from, let's begin from the beginning~

Hey there, I'm Vanellope Wilson, 17, studies in college, female, single AF for now.

I was the only child of my parents, I had my cousins live with me, so, I never felt lonely. But gradually, my uncle's hard work paid off and he started a new business, they had to move out. I became lonely again, then I had young brother (sibling) born when I turned 7. I was extremely happy to have someone with me. But this happiness didn't last more than 7 months, he too left me alone. He left me, doctors said that he had breathing problems, and so couldn't save him. I was a kid back then, no one actually explained to me what was happening, I didn't know why my mum is crying, I didn't know why everyone is dressed in black, I didn't know what a funeral is. When I asked my elder cousin, she said that he is never coming back from the hospital. She started crying again. Then I realized, all I could was cry in the corner of my room, after all I had to take care of my mum and dad. This left a childhood trauma in me; I thought if not home then maybe school. But I was getting bullied, I tried my best to help everyone around me, but I couldn't even gain a true friend. When I entered 4th, my father became the trusty of school. Everyone who had bullied me, laughed at me were now forcefully trying to befriend me. I had no other choice, I transferred to another school, girls' school, I kept a low profile.

When I turned 10, one more sibling was born. But this time, tried no to get myself more involved with him, this time I hated him. I was being selfish. I didn't want to face my trauma again, so, I kept my distance.

Time flew by, I was already in 10th grade, 15, when due to some political wars taking place, government declared one year curfew. it was not that bad, I had my online school, once again my family reunited for a year... I was really happy. I got enough time to reflect on myself. I began building confidence in me.

Although, I still had to give offline exams.  (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Fortunately, I passed my 10th grade, and had chosen business field for myself. Soon i realized that it was a alme decision. (•ᴗ•,,)

But those 4 months at college gave me courage to make friends. I had in total 3 friends, Daisy, Chim and Ruge.

For the first time, it felt like we'll stay friends forever.... But later our bond stared falling apart and my scores down...

Though, I'll forget those 4 months of my life....

But my Life had just started...I took my major in computer and went to some other college that changed my life...

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