Goodbye duniya

"I love you.

I had always loved you.

There's not a single day in my life after I've met you that I didn't think of you.

You're reason I can feel refreshing spring even in the dead winters. You just make me peaceful.

Have someone ever told you how your smile can recharge someone drained energy instantly? Then you know it now. People need glucose, I need you.

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell but you are the powerhouse for me.

Do you remember the first time we met? You might not because how can a girl like me ever hold your attention .. but I remember it. Infact each detail. In proper order and setting. You can now imagine how important you are to me.

Everything is vivid in my mind. The first time we met, the crash when we were walking in park, the fight over parking, your first time visit in our class, our team VIJAYA, you teaching me basketball, me bringing your lunchboxes (yet never ate together), the death of Grandpa while you still supported me, our everyday conversations, tuition classes, that birthday when I was invited in your home, that colony big scene ..

As it seems, this list is never gonna end. And true that is. Since you're not just a chapter of my book, you are the book.

I had always imagined it to be like this. You with me and me with you. Together. Forever.

But it seems you never saw it like this.

I really don't understand. Don't know anything. Why? How? .. is there no way?

I remember the last time I was crying at the terrace. In that corner hidden behind those waste boxes kept that side. I was crying streams with my eyes getting heavy yet the heart didn't feel light. I had wanted to scream my lungs out, or perhaps put a tight slap on that face wishing to make that person fly off. The worst punishment I could think of- I wanted God to bless him with that. Still there was no exit point of sadness from my mind. Not little space. No, not even a crack. ... till you came.

That might have been the time I knew love. Remember how I always told you love is not my thing; it never was and never will be. But perhaps that was before I knew you. You came as the Hogwarts letter to Harry; yeah a total freedom from all troubles. You made me feel a place which I called home.

Since then, you live in me, my thoughts, my mind, my heart.. ah, in whole me. I kept you so close that imagining distance from you would mean closeness to death. Yes, you became my lifeline. Truly.

Had it been anything like before, I'd have ignored it and walk away without regrets because I know how love always cheats me. There's this surprise arriving on my doorstep with my name on it only to know later they used my space since it is convenient. Haah, I became help centre again. Funny for you? Not for me, tho.

You know how whoever I loved in my life left me? Got divorced parents so you ask for money- I've plenty but you're interested in looking my family photo album, I don't have it. Confused childhood and stressed adulthood. You ask number of contacts, you'll loose your count but to talk to person I can hold to- there's none; my pillow only knows my stories.

I was still confused as to whether I should keep my mouth shut and let it be how it is. This guaranteed me happiness. Hidden in corner but still present. But see my stupidity, I forwarded to confess and got the same again.

Why Jessy, why? Why don't you understand it? You are not meant to be loved. Just breathe and live. That's it. For you. "

The recording is still on. Jessica is standing on the edge of the terrace. The light breeze running through her hair and making it fly. She stands there watching the lights from there. She smiles today. Maybe a little laugh too. This should be a happy goodbye, she wants it so. She extends her hands. Is she gonna fly? She knows she won't but still the last wish of dying soul, we may call.

This is Jessica signing out tonight.

Goodbye duniya.

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