"I love you.

I had always loved you.

There's not a single day in my life after I've met you that I didn't think of you.

You're reason I can feel refreshing spring even in the dead winters. You just make me peaceful.

Have someone ever told you how your smile can recharge someone drained energy instantly? Then you know it now. People need glucose, I need you.

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell but you are the powerhouse for me.

Do you remember the first time we met? You might not because how can a girl like me ever hold your attention .. but I remember it. Infact each detail. In proper order and setting. You can now imagine how important you are to me.

Everything is vivid in my mind. The first time we met, the crash when we were walking in park, the fight over parking, your first time visit in our class, our team VIJAYA, you teaching me basketball, me bringing your lunchboxes (yet never ate together), the death of Grandpa while you still supported me, our everyday conversations, tuition classes, that birthday when I was invited in your home, that colony big scene ..

As it seems, this list is never gonna end. And true that is. Since you're not just a chapter of my book, you are the book.

I had always imagined it to be like this. You with me and me with you. Together. Forever.

But it seems you never saw it like this.

I really don't understand. Don't know anything. Why? How? .. is there no way?

I remember the last time I was crying at the terrace. In that corner hidden behind those waste boxes kept that side. I was crying streams with my eyes getting heavy yet the heart didn't feel light. I had wanted to scream my lungs out, or perhaps put a tight slap on that face wishing to make that person fly off. The worst punishment I could think of- I wanted God to bless him with that. Still there was no exit point of sadness from my mind. Not little space. No, not even a crack. ... till you came.

That might have been the time I knew love. Remember how I always told you love is not my thing; it never was and never will be. But perhaps that was before I knew you. You came as the Hogwarts letter to Harry; yeah a total freedom from all troubles. You made me feel a place which I called home.

Since then, you live in me, my thoughts, my mind, my heart.. ah, in whole me. I kept you so close that imagining distance from you would mean closeness to death. Yes, you became my lifeline. Truly.

Had it been anything like before, I'd have ignored it and walk away without regrets because I know how love always cheats me. There's this surprise arriving on my doorstep with my name on it only to know later they used my space since it is convenient. Haah, I became help centre again. Funny for you? Not for me, tho.

You know how whoever I loved in my life left me? Got divorced parents so you ask for money- I've plenty but you're interested in looking my family photo album, I don't have it. Confused childhood and stressed adulthood. You ask number of contacts, you'll loose your count but to talk to person I can hold to- there's none; my pillow only knows my stories.

I was still confused as to whether I should keep my mouth shut and let it be how it is. This guaranteed me happiness. Hidden in corner but still present. But see my stupidity, I forwarded to confess and got the same again.

Why Jessy, why? Why don't you understand it? You are not meant to be loved. Just breathe and live. That's it. For you. "

The recording is still on. Jessica is standing on the edge of the terrace. The light breeze running through her hair and making it fly. She stands there watching the lights from there. She smiles today. Maybe a little laugh too. This should be a happy goodbye, she wants it so. She extends her hands. Is she gonna fly? She knows she won't but still the last wish of dying soul, we may call.

This is Jessica signing out tonight.

Goodbye duniya.

Everything is silent inside. The light breeze playing with the curtains have made chilly weather. Many calls came yet the girl sleeping with her blanket all over her didn't make any buzz. The room is still messy with her clothes carelessly stacked on her sofa and the half packed trolley at the side waiting to be closed someday.

The girl slowly moves around to feel where was she. It feels comfortable. She looks around and hugs her blanket again. It's her home. But she is confused. Shouldn't she be dead already? Hadn't she already bade her goodbye last night?

She is feeling headache. She'd have asked for coffee if for any normal day but today she is afraid of being scolded. She thinks hard as to what happened last night after she jumped, who took her here, what do they want. Just as she was planning to step out of the bed, her mother enters in.

"Who was that guy?"

"Guy..? Who guy? I don't know any guy."

"So you forgot your secret lover now."

"Secret Lover???? No, no, I don't have any."

"Then who was he last night?"

"I don't remember anything, Maa. Let go off this, please give some coffee."

"Let go off this.. are you joking?"

"No.. why should I, I'm afraid of you, you know." (nervously)

"MISS JESSICA D'SOUZA.. tell me who was that guy last night who came to drop you here in the middle of the night when you were completely out of your senses?

Come on speak fast. Your dad wants to see you. .... Beware girl, of your words, he is not in a good mood."

[Jessica doesn't remember anything. She doesn't have any clue who the guy could be. The worse is she won't be recognising him even if he appears again.. but her parents will. This means she is completely doomed this time.

But then she understands one important thing here. They don't know about her suicide attempt or what happened later, the guy must not have told them. . So she decides to tell them about her suicidal thoughts and let it be calm for sometime. She still has to find the guy anyways to know the full story.]

"I don't know, Maa. I really don't know anything. And why should I be knowing any guy? You and Papa are the only ones I have in my life, nobody stays with me. (sobbing)"

"... you should remember everything now, Jess, you must. Last night, that guy......."

There was a knock on the door and Jessica's father enters inside. He looks at his wife and tells, "Give her some food. We need to talk after that." He then goes out.

Jessica was totally confused. She knew something was a blunder here and the worst thing is that she doesn't have a single piece of this puzzle. Her mother smiles at her once and tells her to freshen up. Jessica had wanted some comforting words, or maybe a hug, but she didn't get any this time. Her mother left the room.

Jessica had been trying hard to remember even a single detail of whatever happened last night. But she got no success. It seemed like a total brainwash this time. While in bathroom, she saw few blood stains on her dress.

(thinking)"Aunt Red, is it? Naah, doesn't seem so, she can't be this early. Then what..?"

A scene flashes through her mind. The guy had hand covered in blood and he held her hand for sometime. But she had jerked it off. .. Jessica tried to remember more but it was her mother asking her to come down.

After finishing up, Jessica comes down and sits at her usual place. It was dramatically too silent. Even the drops from the kitchen tap could be heard clearly as if sounding like a ticking bomb. She didn't how to start the start the conversation so she looked at her father and mother once. They didn't give any response, infact they didn't even look at her. She was scared now.

She moved forward to take a plate, when her father said, "Last night, the guy said ..

⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫TBC

Jessica moved forward to take a plate. Just then her father coughed lightly. When she turned to look at him, he started, "Last night, there was a guy who brought you home back. You were totally out of your senses and he explained calmly how you had attempted suicide. He told us you were rescued safely and then taken to hospital for other check-ups. He handed over the reports and told us that you seem defeated from your life. ..."

Jessica had been listening intently to his every word. So when he paused in middle, she peeked a glance and she could clearly guess he wanted her to speak something. Something which would sound as she was fine. Infact she had wanted the same but her mind was not supportive.

She spoke, "It was never your fault, Papa.. not yours, Maa (looking at her mother). But it's just that I'm unable to forgive myself. I don't understand why none stays with me, why every important moment of my life is doomed to be destroyed, why every happiness is followed by sadness... The more I try, the worse I receive. Sometimes I am drown in such depths of hopelessness that I'm unable to imagine the shores.

It's not that I'd not tried to deviate my mind and overcome this but somehow it never works. This always comes back. For me, I can have moments but never memories.

Yesterday ... yesterday I was just watching things while at terrace. Few thoughts kept playing randomly in my head and at one second, I lost everything. I walked towards the edge and jumped ...

I had regrets... some incomplete messages to share.. some people I'd wanted to hug tighter.. some places I'd love to visit.. se happy smiles... yet also the heavy weight which was more than my soul could handle and then I jumped. I was sure this was my last goodbye.

But when I woke up in morning, I saw I'm back. To the place I call home. To the people I call family. To the continuous series of unexpected surprises which I call life."

Her father was relieved that Jessica had finally accepted her life and wanted to have forward steps. But he wanted to know more so he started again, "That guy ....

Jessica knew that her parents will not be at peace as long as they know of his identity. But the truth was she didn't knew him, had no clues of him. She was at that stage where her parents would recognise him but she will walk off even if he stands in front of him. This made her worried.

Jessica said, "Papa, I really don't remember anything whatever happened after my jump. Though I don't know the guy, kindly tell me what he told. I'll try to find some clues."

Her parents looked at each other. When her mother nodded to her father, he nodded in response. He then said, "The guy last night, was careful and responsible. He came in a car and dropped you here. He laid you on your bed (ah yes, we told he is not allowed to step up there but his eyes spoke other thing) saying he must confirm that you're comfortable and safe in every way. He handed us the reports and also explained some other things doctor had advised.

We had thought it was enough for the night and he would walk out after this but he didn't. Instead he told us to walk to living room, it's not good to disturb the patient.

When we came in living room, he bowed to both of us. We asked him to sit well but he didn't. He said he will wait, it's not the correct time. He then continued saying his name was Karthik.

He told that you meant everything to him. If someday your happiness would mean destroying his world, he would not blink before doing so. He has been working since long to be deserving of being a part of your life and he'd be glad if we agreed."

Jessica was totally shocked. "Hey dad, a guy comes and tells he wants to be with me, what did you do then?" (still unable to process what was going on)

It was her mother who spoke this time. She laughed and said, "What will your father do? He said him to take you away soon, but we won't be responsible for after effects."

"WHATTTT? Really?" Jessica shouted, looking at her papa and Maa one by one.

Both of them were smiling at each other and walked out telling Jessica not to think about this. She stood there confused.

"Omg, omg, my parents have gone crazy. And who the hell is this Karthik? I really need to go and check what happened.

Oohh, what just happened?? Never had such adventures in my life ever..." Jessica went outside taking her scooty out.