◕｡◉｡Chapter 5｡◉｡◕

Have you ever felt your life turn upside down... It wasn't the world's fault that you aren't in right mind anymore... Of course not...they don't even care about a being until they are related...sometimes that doesn't work as well...all they know is to do is fight to survive their already fucked up life... That's right it wasn't their fault at all...

When you live a peaceful life...even if you are not the richest of rich men...even if you are not the favourite child of your parents...it's still alright...You will still feel great just to live the life you wanted... but what if it was all for a moment...a mere moment...cause when I stepped out the world crashed on...but it wasn't sudden...It crawled up to me so slowly, so gently...that I was left speechless when the volcano erupted over my head...only if I looked more carefully I would know it wasn't sudden at all...

Such a fool I was, leaving everything behind...But that's not true at all ...it wasn't me...it were those people who forced me to leave... leaving would be peaceful...So peaceful that my heart would stop and take some rest at last....it would be full of heaven...No worries...No hardwork...No misery....But it would have been possible only if I didn't remember those horrific nightmares...

SOMEONE : I have never felt this devastated...I have lived my life through those days just cause I had to ...those were the days when it occurred to me that leaving this life would-be so peaceful...oh! how can I even think about it...the thought of leaving...they would destroy me again and again....if I would have left...what would had been left of me...

Never was I ever threatened...The horror of being dead was nothing...Even it felt like a melodious song to my ears at that time...

That symphony still haunts me...the symphony of me being killed again and again but I am not able to die...I still want to die...I want to evaporate from this earth...I have become a maniac for death...For my death...

Many want to kill people for their pleasure...they want them to kneel down and beg for life...but in the end it's all blood everywhere... People smudge their life with blood...some are in the form of tears...some in the form of hatred...and I am someone who doesn't feel anything now...I am thankful for this exact thing though...I hope I remain numb my whole life until death claims me...gives me some peace finally...

"I have went through so much that I can't live anymore", those were my words too at some point...Such naive words...thay might have been a wishful thinking of a desperate soul....but now that mind, that heart doesn't work..

Some listen to their heart and cry for their whole life...only if I could... believe me, when I say I can't cry anymore... rather than being dead, I have lived... survived the misery...But I don't know if I really have...

The thought of me being faced with only dread would have struck in your mind....But no, everything wasn't the same....There was a time too where I used to be happy... running around everywhere... looking like a child...But that's the worst thing... maybe if I wouldn't have lived happy I wouldn't live that life...even though I didn't deserved that life too...yeah because everyone says it...said it till my ears bled ...

At that point I didn't understand if it was for their satisfaction that those words were said to me...or was it true...was I really filthy...I started to believe every negative impact from then on ... believing everything they say...cause I was naive....every negetive word...those sinful words are still carved on my skin...Oh! you can't see them ...I have been burning alive everyday...those words couldn't handle the pain though...they gave me so much pain yet they couldn't handle a fraction of it... Blasphemy....

Being physically tortured, mentally manipulated....when you get your heart turned into ashes yet you are still alive that was the feeling...I was turned into filth...into dirt...it was like if anyone touched me they would die from a horrifying disease...

I don't know at what point I left that world though...even I don't remember when I felt that peace of being dead...I don't have any memory of such...I just know I am here now...but I'll tell you one thing...even if I wanted to leave that place I couldn't...I just couldn't....

Otherwise I would had been a corpse for my whole life...a dead body with life in every cell...Oh! how I wish I didn't lived...at last I am so lost that my heart doesn't exist anymore...you can see it but you can't feel the real me anymore... it's tainted, tarnished, broken into pieces...

I have left everything behind...yet it still haunts me...I wish I could be free for once...just once ...

'Somewhere, there are people who long for something yet they don't get it...but even if some have it all, they might be blessed sometimes but most of the time it is a curse in disguise...Maybe this wasn't what they wanted...maybe the want was so simple that even with that they would have lived peacefully...Just that one thing would do...'

...----------------...

JUNGKOOK : Even if I walk away from you....I tend to never leave you...Why it seems I am bound to always be there for you...with you, by your side....

There are days when I want to forget everything..... Leave everything behind me.....I just want to leave peacefully.....

Away from you would be my peace it seems...But my heart denies that symphony....It feels like pain resides away from you.....

But even if I want to escape.....I seem to be a wanderer in your maze....Looks like my body doesn't want to leave......I just want you to be with me......But the pain still resides here with me......

I am lost into myself.... leaving everything is what I desire......Yet I can't run away from you......Looks like I desire for you......

...----------------...

Jungkook was done with his shift for now...and by all means he wanted some rest ....so he did, getting into his house and taking a cold shower.... drying himself he fell on his bed all tired....

Closing his eyes he tried to sleep....but he couldn't.... instead he thought of his dreams.....more like nightmares....

JUNGKOOK : Why are these dreams haunting me ...?...

Trailing his thoughts, he couldn't pin point on a precise reason...

I never dreamt of such before ... suddenly why....and for a month already....why... huuh..?..A month....hmm... maybe it's because of the current situation... maybe I am just too much stressed.... maybe I am just too much delusional to think something is missing...like there is something related to my condition...does these nightmares have anything to do with the incidents..?..too delusional Jungkook... sleep...

Leaving those thoughts at that....he drifted to sleep.... maybe he would have a nice dream finally.... maybe all the conclusions he was getting at, was just his mind.... overthinking.... maybe a good dream would do....Just that one dream....

But will that happen so soon.... would he be free from Nightmares so soon...... Would he forget everything once this stops.... Would he...?

......................

...(🥀TO BE CONTINUED 🥀)...

...🥀...

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***