Chapter 4

I REACH MY STREET five minute before I usually do, according

to my watch – which is the only adornment allows, and only because it’s

practical. It has a gray band and a glass face. If I tilt it right, I can

almost see my reflection over the hands. The houses on my street are all the

same size and shape. They are made of gray cement, with few windows, in

economical, no- nonsense rectangles. Their lawns are crabgrass, and their mailboxes

are dull metal. To some the sight might be gloomy, but to me simplicity conforming.

The reason for the simplicity isn’t disdain for uniqueness, as the other

factions have sometimes interpreted it. Everything – our houses, our clothes,

*our hairstyles—is meant to help us forget ourselves and to protect us from

vanity, greed, and envy, which are just forms of selfishness. If we have*

little, and want for little, and we are all equal, we envy no one.

I try to love it.

I sit on the front step and wait for Caleb to arrive. It

doesn’t take long. After a minute I see gray-robed forms walking down the

street. I hear laughter. At school we try not to draw attention to ourselves,

but once were home, the games and joke start. My natural tendency towards

sarcasm is still not appreciated. Sarcasm is always at someone ‘s expense.

Maybe I don’t have to leave my family. Maybe if I fight to make abnegation

work, my act will turn into reality.

“Beatrice!” Caleb says. “What happened? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” He is with Susan and her brother, Robert, and Susan

is giving me a strange look, like I am different person than the one she knew

this morning. I shrug

“When the test got over, I got sick. Must have been that

liquid they gave us. I feel better now though.”

I try to smile convincingly. I seem to have persuaded Susan

and Robert, who no longer look concerned for my mental stability, but Caleb

narrows his eyes at me, the way he does when he suspects someone of duplicity.

`` Did you two take bus today?’’. I don’t care how, and

Robert got home from school, but I need to change the subject. `` Our father

had to work late,’’ `` Susan says,’’ and he told us we should spend some time

thinking before the ceremony tomorrow.’’ My heart pound at the mention of the

ceremony. ``You’re welcome to come over later if you’d like’’ Caleb says

politely. ``Thank you.’’ Susan smiles at Caleb. Robert raises an eyebrow at me.

He and I have been exchanging looks for the past year as Susan and Caleb flirt

in the tentative way known only to the Abnegation. Caleb’s eyes follow Susan

down the walk. I have to grab his arm to startle him from his daze. I him into

the house and close the door behind us. He turns to me. His dark, straight eyebrows

draw together so that a crease appears between them. When he frowns, he looks

more like my mother than my father. In an instant I can see him living the same

kind of life my father did: staying in abnegation, learning a trade, marrying

Susan, and having a family. It will be wonderful. I may not see it. `` Are you

going to tell me the truth now?’’ he asks softly. `` The truth is,’’ I say,

`I’m not supposed to discuss it. And you’re not supposed to ask.’’ `` All those

rules you bend, and you can’t bend this one? Not even for something this

important?’’ His eyebrows tug together, and he bites the corner of his lip.

Though his words are accusatory, it sounds like he is probing me for

information—like he wants my answer. I narrow my eyes. `` Will you? What

happened in your test, Caleb?’’ Our eyes meet. I hear a train horn, so faint it

could easily be wind   whistling through an alleyway. But I know it

when I hear it. It sounds like the Dauntless, calling me to them. `` Just… don’t

tell our parent what happened, okay?’’ I say. His eyes stay on mine for a few

seconds, and then he nods. I want to go upstairs and lie down. The walk, and my

encounter with the factionless man exhausted me. But my brother made breakfast this

morning, and my mother prepared our lunches, and my father made dinner last

night, so it’s my turn to cook. I breathe deeply and walk into the kitchen to

start cooking. A minute later, Caleb joins me. I grit my teeth. He helps with everything.

What irritates me most about him is his natural goodness, Caleb and I work together

without speaking. I cook peas on the stove. He defrosts four pieces of chicken.

Most of what we eat is frozen or canned because farms these days are far away.

My mother told me once that, a long time ago, there were people who wouldn’t buy

genetically engineered produce because they viewed it as unnatural. Now we have

no other option. By the time my parent get home, dinner is ready, and the table

is set. My father drops his bag at the door and kisses my head. Other people

see him as an opinionated man—too opinionated, maybe—but he’s also loving. I

try to see only the good in him; I try. `` How did the test go?’’ he asks me. I

pour the peas into a serving bowl. `` Fine,’’ I say. I Couldn’t be Candor. I

lie too easily. ``I heard there was upset with one of the tests,’’ my mother

says. Like my father, she works for the government, but she manages city

improvement projects. She recruited volunteers to administer the aptitude

tests. Most of the time, though, she organizes workers to help the factionless

with food and shelter and job opportunities. `` Really? Says my father. A

problem with the aptitude test is rare. `` I don’t know much about it , but my

friend Erin told me that sometime went wrong with one of the tests, so the result

had to be reported verbally,’’ My mother places a napkin next to each plate on

the table.`` Apparently the student got sick and was sent home early.’’ My

mother shrugs`` I hope they ‘re all right. Did you two hear about that?’’ ``No\,’’

Caleb says. He smiles at my mother. My brother couldn’t Candor either. We sit at

the table. We always pass food to the right, and no one eats until everyone is

served. My father extends his hands to my mother and brother, and they extend

their hands to him and me, and my father gives thanks to God for food and work

and friend and family. Not every Abnegation family is religious, but my father

says we should try not to see those differences because they will only divide

us. I am not sure what to make of that.`` So\,’’ my mother say to my father. ``

Tell me.’’ She takes my father’s hand and moves her thumb in a small circle

over his knuckles. I stare at their joined hands. My parent love each other,

but they rarely show affection like this in front of us. They taught us that

physical contact is powerful, so I have been wary of it since I was young. `` Tell

me what’s bothering you,’’ she adds. I stare at my plate. My mother’s acute

senses sometimes surprise me, but now they chide me. Why was I so focused on

myself that I didn’t notice his deep frown and his sagging postures? `` I had a

different day at work,’’ he says. `` Well, really, it was Marcus who had the

difficult day. I shouldn’t lay claim to it.’’ Marcus is my father’s coworker;

they are both political leaders. The city is ruled by a council of fifty people,

composed entirely of representatives from Abnegation, because our faction is

regarded as incorruptible, due to our commitment to selflessness. Our leaders are

selected by their peers for their impeccable character, moral fortitude, and

leadership skills. Representatives from each of the other factions can speak in

the meetings on behalf of a particular issue, but ultimately, the decision is

the councils. And while the council technically makes decisions together,

Marcus is particularly influential. It has been this way since the beginning of

the great peace when the faction was formed. I think thee system persist

because we’re afraid of what might happen if it didn’t war. `` Is this about

that report Jeanine Matthew is released?’’ my mother says. Jeanine Matthews is

Erudite’s sole representative, selected based on her IQ score. My father

complains about her often. I look up. A report gives me a warning look. We aren’t

supposed to speak at the dinner table unless our parent asks us a direct

question, and t ears they usually don’t. Our listening ears are gift to them,

my father says. They give us their listening ears after dinners, in the family

room. ``Yes\, ’my father says his eyes narrow. `` Those arrogant\, self – righteous—’

He stop and clears her throat. `` Sorry. But she released a report attacking

Marcus’s character.’’ I raise my eyebrows. `` What did it say?’’ I ask. ``

Beatrice,’’ Caleb says quietly. I duck my head, turning my fork over the over

and over until the warmth leaves my cheeks. I don’t like to be chastised. Especially

by my brother. “it said,” my father says, “that Marcus’s violence and cruelty

towards his son is the reason his son chose Dauntless instead of Abnegation.”

Few people who are born into Abnegation choose to leave it. When they do, they

remember. Two years ago, Marcus’ son, Tobias left us for the Dauntless, and Marcus

was devastated. Tobias was his only child-and his only family since his wife

died giving birth to their second child. The infant died minutes later. I never

met Tobias. He rarely attended community events and never joined his father at

our house for dinner. My father often remarked that it was strange, but now it

doesn’t matter.

“Cruel? Marcus?” My mother shakes her head. “That poor man. As if he needs to be reminded

of his loss.”

“Of his son’s betrayal, you mean?” my father says coldly. “I shouldn’t be surprised at

this point. The Erudite have been attacking us with these reports for months.

And this isn’t the end. There will be more, I guarantee it.” I shouldn’t speak

again, but I can’t help myself. I blurt out, “Why are they doing this?”

“Why don’t you take this opportunity to listen to your father, Beatrice?” my mother says gently.

It is phrased like a suggestion, not a command. I look across the table at Caleb, who has that look of disapproval in

his eyes. I stare at my peas. I am not sure I can live this life of obligation any longer. I am not good enough.

 " why you know,” my father says. “Because we have something they want. Valuing knowledge

above all else results in a lust for power, and that leads men into dark and

empty places. We should be thankful that we know better.

“I nod. I know I will not choose Erudite, even though my test results suggested that I

could. I am my father’s daughter.

My parents clean up after dinner. They don’t even let Caleb help them, because we’re

supposed to keep to ourselves tonight instead of gathering in the family room,

so we can thing about our results. My family might be able to help me choose if

I could talk about my results. But I can’t. Tori’s warning whispers in my

memory every time my resolve to keep my mouth shut falters.

Caleb and I climb the stairs and, at the top, when we divide to go to our separate

bedroom, he stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

“Beatrice, “he says, looking sternly into my eyes. “We should think of our family.” There

is an edge to his voice. “But. But we must also think of ourselves.”

For a moment I stare at him. I have never seen him think of himself, never heard him

insist on anything but selflessness. I am so startled by his comment that I

just say what I am supposed to say: “The tests don’t have to change our choices.”

He smiles a little. “Don’t they, though?”

Ge squeezes my shoulder and walks into his bedroom. I peer into his room and see an unmade

bed and a stack of books on his desk. He closes the door. I wish I could tell

him that we’re going through the same thing. I wish I could speak to him like I

want to instead of like supposed to. But the idea of admitting that I need help

is too much to bear, so I turn away.

I walk into my room, and when I close my door behind me, I realize that the decision

might be simple. It will require a great act of selflessness to choose

Abnegation, or a great act of courage to choose Dauntless, and maybe just

choosing one over the other will prove that I belong. Tomorrow, those two

qualities will struggle within me, and only one can win.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***