MY SINS WERE ALWAYS YOURS (TAEKOOK)
chapter 3
Treh
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Treh
hope you will like this chapter
Jungkook left before Tae woke up. Tae went to the bathroom and did his morning routine. He sat down and looked at the mirror. This time he didn't see a pretty 21 year old , he saw a little broken boy , crying and helpless. He shed a tear wanting to go back to the past and hug this little boy. He went on the bed and laid on the bed , closing his eyes, holding a little teddy bear , as the bitter memories flashed back and brought him back to his nightmares of the past.
Mr and Mrs Kim really wanted a son. They prayed everyday for a son.Then he was born. The hospital erupted in cheers, laughter , claps and celebration.
Mr Kim
finally! a son to carry my name, my legacy!
Mrs Kim
We will raise him strong and he will make us proud
aunt monah 30 years
The Kim's have an heir finally, after years of trying
Mr Kim
My heir will grow into a real man, strong and fearless just like me
uncle
Our enemies will have no chance
Mrs Kim
( stroking the baby's face) Taehyung, that's his name . He will be so grand and glorious
The little boy is crying, earning for attention and warmth
Mr Kim
Doesn't even look like he has strength to kick
aunt monah 30 years
He is so pretty that anyone would think he is a girl
Mr Kim
That's enough I respect you as my sister but don't talk nonsense about my son, he is still young and when he grows up he will be the way I want him
aunt monah 30 years
I was just saying about how he looks. I didn't call him ugly. Anyways I'm going, thank you for your hospitality ( left in anger)
baby tae(1 year)
Cries more
Mr Kim
Just shut up, God you are such a burden. Lisa wasn't like this
Mrs Kim
I carried him for nine months for this, just to be humiliated
The little baby kept crying in his crib unaware of the dissapointment in their eyes. All he knew was the absence of warmth
Tae was playing with one of Lisa's dolls
Mr Kim
What's all this nonsense, he doesn't speak much and he is here playing with dolls. Boys are supposed to be loud not clinging to maid's skirts
Mrs Kim
(slapped the doll out of his history hands) you are a Kim, you will act like one.
Tae
(blinked lips trembling) I just want to play
Mr Kim
Play like a man then ( walked away)
The silence in the Kim household was heavy , like a smoke chocking out warmth.
Taehyung sat at the dining table, tiny feet swinging under the chair
Tae
Daddy I colored this for you ( whispered, holding up a crooked drawing, stick figures, a house and 4 smiling faces)
Mr Kim
(barely glanced at it) you drew flowers
Lisa
Boys don't draw flowers
Mrs Kim
what's with all this pink on the drawing
Tae
(looked down at his paper, cheeks flushing) I thought it looked pretty
Mr Kim
(scoffed and walked away)
Mrs Kim
Useless (following him)
Lisa
You always know how to ruin a perfect moment, can't you just keep quiet and let everyone leave in peace (. Following them), mom, dad.........
Tae
(looks down) I didn't mean to.... thought he would be happy
Aunt monah had just given birth
The whole family was at the hospital. Everyone was admiring the little baby. Tae stood by the door, holding a soft teddy bear with a ribbon he had tied himself. The nurse was about to enter then stopped.
nurse 25 years
What a cute doll and a pretty owner
Tae
I want to give it to my baby brother
Aunt monah laid on the bed exhausted from all the labor. Mrs Kim was cuddling the new born wrapped in blue
Mr Kim
Oh he is perfect look at his big cute eyes
Tae
(tiptoed smiling shyly) mama can I hold him
Mrs Kim
No! You will hurt him, step back
His hand froze mid air , the teddy bear slipped from his arms onto the floor with a soft thud. The nurse leaned down to pick it up, but Mrs Kim waved her off
Mrs Kim
He will just put dust on her with his toys
Tae
(picked up the bear and clutched it to his chest) I'm sorry I didn't mean.....
Lisa
Don't talk he is sleeping, mom can I hold him
Mrs Kim
Of course, hold your little brother so that you can bond well
Tae stood in the corner, silent and smiling. Yes , still smiling amidst the pain.
He was just a little boy who learned far too soon how to stay quiet. How to not be a burden. How to take up little space.
Every time he wanted to cry, he bit his lip and held it in.
Because in his world
Love was not given
Love was earned
And somehow, no matter how hard he tried
He was never enough
At this age he had already mastered the art of silence
Learned no one listened when he cried.
No one noticed when he skipped when he skipped meals.
That love was earned by being useful.
He was the shadow to Lisa's sun.
always behind her.
Always beneath her
Mrs Kim
Lisa got full marks on her test today
Mr Kim
(smiles) that's my girl, she is going to make it big one day
Tae
(cleared his throat, pushing his half eaten rice aside) I got second place in the art contest today
The room went quite for a second
Lisa
Art? What a waste of time who even draws anymore
Mrs Kim
(didn't even look up) just eat your food
Tae blinked, swallowed his words and as usual smiled
He curled up in bed with his tattered teddy bear, whispering softly.
Tae
I tried today I did good, didn't I ? (The bear didn't answer but he imagined it nodding)
Tae
(A tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it quickly.) Boys aren't supposed to cry .
Especially not useless boys
He took out a pink notebook under his pillow , it was his most sacred secret. The pages creased and stained with tears.
Tae
" Dear mama,
Today I cleaned Lisa's shoes before school.
I tried to iron her dress too, but iron was too hot and burned the edge.
You got mad , I'm really sorry
I will do better tomorrow
LOVE Tae."
He wrote letters he never sent . Hoping and dreaming maybe one day, she would find the notebook and realize how hard he tried.
He had a fever
He tried to hide it, he still packed Lisa's lunch box, still polished her shoes, still greeted his parents with a smile.
But he couldn't stop shaking
Lisa
You are slow today, are you trying to make me late
Mrs Kim
(glared) why are your eyes red? You better not cry again, don't act weak all the time.
Tae
(nodded) I'm okay I promise
That night, he committed quietly in the bathroom, cleared it up himself and fell asleep beside his notebook.
Romario
Why do you wear old shoes
Romario
Why don't your parents come to school
Tae never answered, he just smiled, because if he broke, if he cracked even a little, no one would fix him.
He was eight years old. Just a child but already knew how to break in silence.
Already, he knew that some kids are born to be hugged and some are born to be ignored
And Tae just wanted someone to see him
To say you matter
But no one ever did.
baby tae(1 year)
You deserve a little something author
Tae
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tae
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Treh
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