Goodbye
That's how I felt after Agastya left.
I shouldn't miss him so much, I'm not allowed to but... I did. I missed him. I missed his stern but loving attitude towards me. I missed how he'd be a strict dad and a passionate lover, both at the same time to me.
I really, really missed Agastya so much.
With heavy and slow steps I approached my empty apartment, OUR empty apartment to pack all my stuff and leave.
Housekeeper Chandra had already kept my bag prepared for me.
I looked at the trolley and then at her.
Chandra
Everything will be alright, madam.
Chandra gave me a sad smile, bowing down to me, in honor.
I felt a huge lump in my throat unable to utter another word.
Chandra
Please don't feel bad Madam.
Meera
I can't help it Charda. I was unable to save him from going to that hell.
Chandra
But that is what the sahab really wants. He asked me to have your luggage prepared before your arrival, and he doesn't want you to stay here for long. He wants you to move away as soon as you can.
Chandra took out a credit card and handed over to me.
Chandra
This has enough money to keep you going for a month. Until you get a job and an apartment, this will keep you going.
I took the credit card from her and thanked her.
Agastya wanted to disappear from my life as if he was never in it in the first place, and he wanted to do this for my own good.
I don't crave his money, this luxury. I never did. He could have brought me a separate apartment before going to the prison and divorcing me, but he didn't do that because that way he'll have my address with himself and wouldn't be able to keep from seeing me once he's out of the jail-time.
So, he wanted me to go somewhere he couldn't find out that easily. Lost in my thoughts, kept staring blankly at the credit card in my hand.
Chandra
Madam, this is really rough that you have to go through this. Should I talk to sahib? Try to convince him?
Being a woman and Agastya's personal maid, she has really treated me well and respectfully otherwise, other women who knew Agastya, only hated me.
Meera
It's okay Chandra. He is doing this for my own good. No matter how hard it is, it is the best thing for me.
I looked at one of mine and Agastya's couple pictures in a large frame hanging proudly in the hall and smiled at it... remembering the moment that we were together.
Soon I heard my cellphone buzzing. It was the cab I called. It had reached the apartment.
Meera
My cab is here. It's time for me to leave.
I held Chandra's hand and squeezed it firmly one last time and took a brief long pause to roam my eyes around the apartment.
Reminiscing every tiny detail of it.
All those past moments I spent here living and laughing together with Agastya.
Chandra didn't say a word, but I saw a drop of tear rolling down her left cheek speak for her instead.
I held my luggage in my hand and stopped for a second to suck in a deep long breath, and then, turned around, walking away, deciding to never look back.
Whatever happened is in the past.
I did some things that I'm not proud of, but I can say one thing for sure, I truly loved Agastya at this moment.
It's good that he doesn't know, and it will be better if he never finds out any of it.
Goodbye Agastya Dharmatma.
I hope I never see you again.
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