Spin the bottle

The fire cracked in the middle of the clearing, throwing shadows across the faces gathered around it, but all Theo could see was Jesse. His best friend since freshman year, the one person who had always made everything feel lighter, even when the world felt too heavy. Jesse was laughing with his head tipped back, a bottle of beer clutched in one hand, his cheeks pink with drink and smoke and moonlight. They were sitting close, as usual, thighs brushing, but that kind of contact had stopped being casual for Theo a long time ago. Years, if he was honest. Years of smiling through Jesse’s hookups and holding his secrets like treasures, of pretending to be okay with being the best friend when he ached to be more.

The night had been harmless enough at first, just a few tents pitched near the lake, the usual crew from college piling into cars and vans, eager for one last weekend of debauchery before summer jobs and internships scattered them like seeds. Beers had flowed fast, weed passed in loose joints, and the music had stayed low so they wouldn't draw attention from the rangers. Someone had brought glow sticks, and the woods shimmered with streaks of neon green and purple, making the trees feel alive and pulsing. It wasn’t until someone, probably Lexi, with her mischievous grin and penchant for chaos, picked up the empty beer bottle beside the cooler and set it spinning on the ground in the center of their circle that things turned.

“Spin the bottle,” she said, her voice syrupy with tequila. “Old-school rules. Mouths only. And no chickening out.”

Theo’s stomach turned to ice. They were too old for this, weren’t they? Twenty-three and half-drunk,  pretending they hadn’t all kissed each other in different configurations over the years. But no one objected. Not even Jesse, who leaned in with the same reckless spark in his eyes that had made Theo fall for him in the first place.

The first few rounds were easy enough to endure. Drunken kisses that drew cheers and mock gags, lips mashed without feeling. But Theo was watching the bottle like it was wired to a bomb, and sure enough, it happened. A sharp flick, a lazy circle, and then it stopped. Jesse’s name had barely left Lexi’s lips when she turned to Theo with a smirk and said, “Looks like the universe wants a show.”

Theo’s mouth went dry. Jesse looked over, one eyebrow raised, and for a heartbeat everything else fell away. The crowd melted into a blur, the fire hissed lower, and Theo couldn’t breathe.

“Well?” Jesse said, leaning forward, eyes locked onto his. “Are you gonna keep me waiting all night?”

Theo couldn’t have walked away even if he tried. His body moved without permission, and before he could second-guess, his mouth was on Jesse’s. The kiss was soft at first, careful, but Jesse responded with a pressure that surprised him, deepening it, tilting his head, a low sound humming from the back of his throat. The taste of beer and smoke, the scrape of stubble and the heat was too much. When they pulled back, the circle was hooting but Theo didn’t hear a word.

The kiss had been hotter than Theo expected and longer too. He was still tasting Jesse on his lips, still reeling from the soft flick of his tongue and the unexpected growl that rose up from Jesse’s chest when their mouths had parted. But now they were sitting back in the circle like nothing happened, like his entire world hadn’t just tilted sideways. Jesse had said nothing. Just wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, laughed along with everyone else, and grabbed another drink. If he noticed the way Theo’s hands were trembling, he didn’t show it. If he felt anything real,  then he was definitely hiding it behind that easy, golden grin.

The bottle spun again. The game carried on, more reckless now, fueled by alcohol and whatever strange electricity that had bloomed after their kiss. People were loosening up, tongues flicking, giggles turning into groans. At one point, Lexi ended up straddling Kade for an exaggerated make-out session that had the whole group hollering, and someone pulled out a speaker to play sultry R&B that made the whole scene feel like it was about to tip into an orgy. Jesse laughed like it was all hilarious, bumped his shoulder into Theo’s like they hadn’t just swapped spit in front of everyone, and Theo smiled because it was easier than asking what it meant.

But his insides were a mess. Every time Jesse so much as looked at him, his pulse skipped. When Jesse got called into another kiss, this time with Chelsea, who had absolutely no shame, Theo nearly choked on his beer. Their kiss wasn’t even that long, but the sight of it, of Jesse’s lips on someone else so soon after having been on his, sent something sharp twisting in Theo’s gut. Chelsea winked at him afterward like she knew exactly what she had done.

The game finally wound down when Lexi slurred something about shots and skinny dipping. People began to drift toward the lake, laughing, shedding clothes as they went. But Jesse lingered behind, crouching by the fire with a stick, poking the embers. Theo sat down beside him, hoping for something like a look, a word, any acknowledgment that the kiss had landed somewhere deep but Jesse just offered him a swig from his flask and said, “You not into night swimming?”

“I’m not into freezing my balls off,” Theo muttered.

Jesse laughed again, low and warm. “Fair.”

They watched the flames in silence for a while, then Jesse stood, stretched, and said, “Okay I don't know about you, but I now feeling sleepy. Should we head to the tent?”

“I will be there in five.”

“Okay, see you in five.”

Theo nodded, heart caught in his throat. Jesse didn’t say anything else. Just flicked the hood of his sweatshirt over his curls and wandered into the dark, disappearing between the trees like the whole evening hadn’t happened.

Theo stayed by the fire a while longer, letting the smoke sting his eyes, the quiet wrap around him. When he finally went to the tent, Jesse was already inside, half-asleep and stretched out shirtless on his sleeping bag, one arm behind his head. Theo tried not to look. Tried not to feel. But the image of that kiss, the pressure of Jesse’s mouth on his, was still ghosting across his lips.

He lay down stiffly beside him, on top of his own bag, barely breathing. Jesse didn’t say anything at first. Just exhaled slowly and stared at the ceiling of the tent, shadows rippling across it from the distant firelight.

And then, so softly it barely registered as sound, Jesse asked, “So how long have you wanted to do that?”

Theo froze.

“What?” he croaked.

Jesse turned his head. Their faces were close, close enough to feel each other’s breath in the small, heavy space between them.

“That kiss,” Jesse said. “Because the way you kissed me. That wasn’t a dare kiss, Theo. That was something else.”

Theo blinked hard, throat dry. “It didn’t mean anything,” he said quickly. Too quickly. “I was just doing my part of the dare.”

Jesse didn’t move. Didn’t smile. Didn’t look away. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m not,” Theo said, forcing a shrug that didn’t land right. “They dared me. I kissed you. That’s it.”

Jesse’s gaze dropped to his mouth. Then back to his eyes. “That’s not how it felt.”

Theo shifted, fingers tightening in the fabric of his sleeves. “Well maybe you are the one that's reading into things.”

“Am I?”

Theo opened his mouth, then closed it.

“You didn’t pull away,” Jesse said. “You didn’t laugh, or push me, or act like it was gross. You looked like you had been waiting for it to happen for so long.”

Theo exhaled, sharp and shallow. “You are wrong.”

“I beg to differ.”

“You think you know everything,” Theo said, voice rising just a notch, brittle. “But you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like to—” He cut himself off.

“To what?” Jesse pressed, voice low, but no longer soft. “To want something and not be able to say it?”

Theo stared at Jesse, jaw clenched. Then, finally, he said, “Fine. Yes. Okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

Jesse didn’t say anything. The silence stretched until Theo’s voice cracked through it again.

“Years. It’s been years. Are you happy now. That I have wanted to do it for years.”

Jesse blinked, slow. “And you never told me?”

Theo laughed under his breath, bitter. “What would have been the point? You were always with someone. Or I was. Or we were both just... never there at the same time. And I didn’t want to ruin it. I didn't want to ruin our friendship.”

He looked up at Jesse then, eyes tired and wide. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

Silence stretched. Jesse stared at the roof of the tent again. Theo wanted to disappear into the earth. But then Jesse turned on his side, eyes catching Theo’s in the dim light.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he said.

Theo blinked. “I didn’t?”

Jesse shook his head. “I think you just fixed something.”

And then he leaned in again, slower this time, no crowd watching, no rules, just lips brushing against Theo’s like a promise. Their mouths met with aching slowness, the kiss deepening naturally, all the tension of the night finally unraveling. Theo groaned, low in his throat, and Jesse moved closer, their sleeping bags tangling as hands explored freely now, confidently. Theo slid his hand up Jesse’s back, feeling every muscle flex and ripple under his touch, and Jesse pressed their hips together, the hardness between them undeniable.

The kiss grew messier, wetter, Jesse biting softly at Theo’s lower lip, dragging a gasp from his chest. His hands slipped under Theo’s shirt, palms exploring bare skin, warm and greedy. Theo let himself feel everything, every tremble of contact, every breathless moan and when Jesse slipped a hand beneath the waistband of his shorts, Theo arched into him with a shudder.

They didn’t talk anymore after that. There was no need. Their bodies spoke in ways words never could, in gasps and sighs and the desperate rhythm of two people finally letting go. Jesse rolled over him, kissing down his chest, taking his time, and Theo clutched at his curls, overwhelmed by sensation. When Jesse finally took him in his mouth, Theo nearly sobbed, the heat and suction almost too much after all that waiting. But Jesse didn’t stop. He took him deep, slow and purposeful, eyes locked on Theo’s like a challenge. Theo came undone with a strangled moan, shuddering, breathless, and when he collapsed back against the sleeping bag, Jesse crawled up beside him, kissed him again, and whispered, “I am glad you finally told me how you feel.”

Theo looked at him and smiled.

“Me too.”

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