Big City Greens

Space Chicken

Greens' house, front yard

(In the front yard, chickens, cows and pigs hang out all making their respective sounds. A jogger runs by. We close up on him, as he runs and listens to music via earpiece. He stops, having heard a strange sound, and takes his earpiece out.)

Jogger: Hmm?

(He looks to our left. The sounds of a driving tractor can be heard, and we see two kids, Cricket and Tilly Green, drive over a passing car.)

Cricket: Ha ha ha haaaaaaa!

(The tractor lands in the mud, spins, then lands in front of the house. Tilly falls off, but Cricket remains on the tractor. He looks over to the jogger and the viewers.)

Cricket: Oh, hi there. We're your new neighbors. (He walks over and sticks out his right hand.) My name's Cricket. Cricket Green.

(The tractor catches on fire. The camera cuts back on to the jogger, who is now covered in mud, and takes no response but groans; he continues running and listening to his music.)

Cricket: Hey, where ya goin'? Oh, okay, you're busy. That's fine. Hm. (blows raspberries) Well, stop by any time!

(The father, Bill Green, comes out in panic and notices the tractor on fire.)

Bill: Cricket, what are ya doin', boy? Have you lost your mind?! (He frantically tries to put out the fire with his hat.)

Cricket: Now, dad, I can explain.

(Flashback to Cricket and Tilly mowing the lawn with the tractor.)

Cricket (VO): At first, I was mowin' the lawn.

(Cut to Cricket and Tilly mowing the lawn of a golf course.)

Cricket (VO): Then, I was mowin' other lawns.

(Cricket and Tilly get hit by golf balls.)

Man (OS): Fore!

(Cut to Cricket and Tilly nervously riding the tractor on the streets.)

Cricket (VO): ...Then it just kinda got out of hand.

(Back to Cricket.)

Cricket: Honestly, I don't know how I made it back here.

Bill: Tilly, ya all right?

Tilly: I have seen danger... and I love it.

Bill: Listen, kids, I know it's been difficult adjustin' to city life, but we've got neighbors to consider now. (He waves to a neighbor.) Oh, hi, Mrs. Lewis.

(Cut to Mrs. Lewis, a grumpy old woman who lives in an apartment next door to the Greens.)

Mrs. Lewis: Clean up your junky yard, ya hillbilly! (She closes her window.)

Bill: The point is, folks don't know us yet, so we wanna make a good impression.

Cricket: A good impression. Dad, consider it done.

Bill: (patting Cricket on the head) Attaboy. (Metallic clanking is heard as Bill grunts.) Son, again? (Camera pans over to his right foot, which is caught in one of Cricket's bear traps. He walks offscreen in pain.)

Cricket: Aw, man, I'm sorry. That's my bad. I was tryin' to catch a bear.

(He tries to think of a way to impress their neighbors.)

Cricket: Hmm...

Tilly: What?

Cricket: Dad wants us to make a good impression around here. Tilly, what's the most impressive thing you can think of?

Tilly: Uh, chocolate volcano.

Cricket: No, we need something that makes your eyes go wide, and your heart beat fast!

Tilly: Uh... uh... a vanilla volcano!

Cricket: Nooo! (He looks over at a hen pecking the ground and gets an idea.) Hmmm. (He grabs the hen.) We're gonna launch a chicken... (points to the sky) into outer space.

Tilly: Really?

Cricket: We are gonna launch a chicken into space. (He shows the hen to Tilly.)

Tilly: Papa's gonna be thrilled.

Cricket: We are gonna launch a chicken into outer space! (He lifts her up.)

Tilly: Whoo!

(As Tilly is cheering, the family dog, Phoenix, scoots over whining.)

(Cricket puts down a cinder block, then uses a tape measure to measure the hen, then saws off a piece of wood. Tilly calculates the length to launch the chicken into space.)

Cricket: Initiate launch sequence.

(Cricket jumps off the top of a refrigerator onto a plank connected to the cinder block, used as a sea saw. The hen is sitting on the other side of the plank. As Cricket lands on the plank, the hen goes up, but then she immediately comes back down.)

Cricket: Dang it. We're gonna need more manpower.

(A boy walks by, whistling and carrying a violin case.)

Cricket: Hey, kid!

Boy: (stops, points to himself) Hm? Me?

Cricket: Yeah, you. Wanna help us launch a chicken into space?

Boy: Oh, well, I'm not sure my parents would approve.

Cricket: Well, I don't see your parents around. You in?

Boy: Violin lessons be darned!

(He throws out his case and runs over to Cricket and Tilly.)

Cricket: Welcome aboard. I'm Cricket, and this here's Tilly.

Boy: This here's Remy... I mean, I'm Remy.

Cricket: (stomping his foot on the plank) We need a better propulsion system.

Remy: (raising his hand) Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh.

Cricket: Yes, Remy?

Remy: What about a really big slingshot?

Cricket: Bingo-bango. I know just the thing.

(Cricket suddenly jumps up and off the plank.)

Tilly: Holy cow.

(The family cow, Miss Brenda, is seen sitting on the plank. She moo's.)

Gramma's room

(The kids' Gramma, Alice Green, is sleeping on her chair, with her dentures in a glass and the TV on. Cricket and Remy open her door just a crack.)

Remy: Won't your Gramma be mad that we're sneaking around her room?

Cricket: No, it's no problem. (He opens the door a little more.)

Remy: Oh, good.

Cricket: (opening the door all the way) Unless we get caught. She's got a sword.

(He sneaks in.)

Remy: (sweating a little) Wait, what?!

(He sneaks in with him.)

Tilly: (peeking her head through the door) I'll stand guard.

(Cricket and Remy continue sneaking around Gramma's room. Suddenly, Remy trips.)

Remy: Ah!

Cricket: Shh!

Remy: Sorry. I... (He notices Gramma's wooden leg in his hands and whimpers.) Ah! Cricket, I broke your Gramma's leg off.

Cricket: (looking in Gramma's dresser) Oh, relax. It's been broken off for years. (He gets out Gramma's old pantyhose.) Check it out, Remy. These'll be perfect. (stretching it) Nice and stretchy.

(Cricket accidentally bumps Gramma's kitty clock, awaking her.)

Gramma: My chatchkes. (She gets out her sword and flashes her lamp at Cricket and Remy.) Show yourselves, bandits!

Cricket: Gramma, it's just me.

Remy: (with teary eyes) Don't sword me...

(Gramma puts her sword on her wooden leg, putting a dent in it.)

Gramma: Boys, that's two counts of trespassing. You two rascals are gonna have to pay the ultimate price!

Cricket: What's the ultimate price?

Gramma: (smiles and points to her cheek) Kisses.

Cricket: (annoyed) Oh, Gramma.

Gramma: (angrily) Kisses!!

(Cricket runs nervously over to Gramma and kisses her on the cheek.)

Gramma: Your little friend, too.

Remy: (nervously) Uh, okay. (He kisses her on the cheek as well.)

Gramma: Oh, a little sugar. Now git outta here, ya imps!

(Cricket and Remy do so, but Remy stops and give Gramma back her wooden leg.)

Remy: Here's your leg back. (He continues following Cricket outside.)

(Gramma continues watching TV and puts her sword down.)

Front yard

(Cricket tries launching the hen, who is now wearing a tiny helmet, off the slingshot on the roof.)

Cricket: Okay, so I just point it towards space, right?

Remy: Aim really, really high.

Tilly: And tell the chicken you believe in her.

Cricket: That's silly, and I ain't doin' it. (whispers, to the chicken) I believe in you. (normal, back to Tilly and Remy, and shouting out to everyone else) I hope everyone is watching, 'cuz I'm about to launch a chicken into space. Pretty impressive.

Tilly: After the chicken, can I get a turn?

Cricket (OS): Tilly, this is science, not a ride.

Tilly: I'll still take a turn.

(She sips a Splish soda can.)

Cricket: (launching the slingshot further) T minus ten, nine, eight, seven...

(Cricket accidentally slips Gramma's pantyhose off the pipe he was using as part of the slingshot, making him slip down the roof and hang by a nail.)

Cricket: Hey, did anyone see that?

Big Coffee, exterior

(A beige man and a teal woman are sitting at a table, trying to decide what to order.)

Beige Man: I can't decide between the chicken or fish.

(Suddenly, the chicken lands in their table, then onto a red woman's table, smashing her food in her face, then onto other customers' tables, which irritates the waitress, Gloria.)

Cricket: Ooh. Not good.

Green's house, porch

(Gloria angrily knocks on the front door.)

Bill: Hello... oh, boy.

(Cut to Gloria, who is holding Cricket by the overalls and standing in front of the house with a bunch of angry customers.)

Cricket: I didn't do nuthin', I swear!

Gloria: Is this yours? He thought it would be fun to launch a wild animal into our cafe! Well, it's not fun!

(She throws Cricket off.)

Male Customer: There was a chicken in my chicken salad, and it ate some of it.

Gloria: (disgusted) Oh, great! So nowm it's a cannibal!

Bill: So sorry. I'll--

Gloria: Keep the animals on your side of the fence. (She points at Cricket.) That includes little... what's-his-name.

(Gloria and her customers leave as she nervously steps over Phoenix.)

Cricket: My name's Cricket. I'm your new neighbor.

Green's house, interior

Bill: Son, this is exactly what I'm talkin' about! For the rest of the day, I want you to stay out of sight, in your room.

Cricket: What? You're jokin'!

Bill: I ain't jokin', son. Just...please go to your room! (He points to Cricket's room.)

Cricket: You're serious?! I can't believe it!

Bill: (sternly) Mmm!!

Cricket: All right, I'm goin'! (He goes into his room, but comes back out.) I'll give you one last chance to change your --

Bill: (angrily; marches toward him) Cricket!!!

Cricket: Ack!

(He goes back in his room.)

Remy: Um, excuse me. Do you want me to go to Cricket's room as well?

Bill: (angrily; glares at Remy) Mmm!!

Remy: I'll just go!

(He goes into Cricket's room as well.)

Bill: Who the heck is that?

Cricket and Tilly's bedroom

(The camera cuts to different parts of Cricket and Tilly's room. First, we see a part of the room showing a toy box, a baseball, and a homemade dartboard made out of a trash can. Second, we see Cricket's dresser; the top drawer slightly open with a red sleeve hanging over it, and the top of the dresser holding a raccoon skull, a boomerang, a lamp with a spider crawling over it, two jars, a book, and a box. On the left side of the dresser are two fishing rods.)

Remy (OS): So this is your room. Hm.

(We cut to a part of the room showing a hammock which Cricket is sitting in, still holding the chicken, her helmet still on. Remy is sitting on a pillow next to the hammock.)

Remy: Hmm. It's nice.

Cricket: Yeah, it's all right. Hard to sleep at night with all the traffic noise. (sighs) What was I thinkin', tryin' to launch a chicken into space? It's so stupid. I'm never gonna impress this city.

Remy: I don't think it's stupid. I'd never even think to do something like that.

Cricket: Really?

Remy: Yeah. (He touches Cricket's raccoon skull) I mean, I don't know anyone who owns a raccoon skull. (He goes over to Cricket's homemade dart board.) And is that a homemade dart board? (He throws a dart on it.) And... and... and you got this thing. (He picks up a rocket called "The Big Bang".) Whoa! Actually, this is a little scary.

Cricket: (gets an idea) But it's also pretty dang impressive. (He gets off the hammock.) That rocket will give us plenty of power to launch this here chicken into the great unknown. (calls out to Tilly) Tilly.

Tilly" (on her top bed of the bunk bed; waking up) Huh?

Cricket: Two things. One, you gotta stop day sleepin'. And two, you ready to be a part of history?

Tilly: I guess.

Remy: But how are we gonna sneak outta your room without your dad seeing?

Cricket: (takes out the bottom drawer, revealing a secret exit outside the house) Bingo-bango.

Remy: Whoa! A secret exit? But doesn't your room get cold at night?

Cricket: Oh, very much so.

Front yard

(Cricket, Tilly and Remy get out on the front yard, with Cricket holding the chicken, and Remy holding the rocket.)

Cricket: Go, go, go. Hurry up.

(They tie the chicken up to the rocket and put it on some planks.)

Cricket: Okay, let's do this.

(Cricket grabs a traffic cone and uses it as a megaphone while standing on a cardboard box as a stand.)

Cricket: My fellow neighbors, may I have your attention, please? You are about to witness something you will never forget. I, Cricket Green, will launch this chicken into outer space!

(A group of people gather around to see.)

Cricket: Gather 'round! Don't be a stranger!

Little blue girl: Mommy, let's go watch the chicken rocket! (She runs over and pulls her mother with her.)

Cricket: Okay, you, I guess this is goodbye. I'll be waitin' right here for you when you get back. (He gets out a couple of toy military troops with parachutes attached to them.) Oh, and take these. For your re-entry. (He puts them in the rope.) Remy, initiate the launch sequence.

(Remy holds a magnifying glass over the wire, which ignites it, raveling it toward the rocket. Tilly puts on a pair of goggles.)

Remy: You have goggles? Should I have goggles?

(Cricket looks excited as the wire ravels; the chicken looks nervous as she is about to be blasted into space.)

Chicken: (nervous squawking)

(The wire reaches the end.)

Cricket: Here comes blastoff!

Tilly and Remy: Yay!

(However, instead of blasting off into space, the rocket just shoots tiny fireworks and sprouts a tiny American flag on top. The chicken lays an egg, which cracks as it reaches the ground.)

Red Man: Well, that was uneventful.

(The rocket tips over to the left.)

Cricket: What the heck happened?

Remy: It must've been a dud.

Police officer: All right, everyone, move on. There is literally nothing to see here.

(Everyone leaves.)

Cricket: Oh, no, we're losin' 'em! Plan B! (He runs over to the chicken house and releases all the other hens.) Come on, girls, move those chicken legs! Move, move, move! (He gets Gramma's pantyhose and tries once again to use it as a slingshot to launch the hens into space, with Remy holding one end, and Tilly holding the other.) We ain't impressin' anyone till we get a chicken into space. (He grabs a white hen and puts her in the slingshot.) Ten, nine... oh, heck. Blast off!

(Cricket launches the chicken, but she just flies in mid air. A group of people leaving stop when they notice.)

People: Huh?

Tilly: It's not high enough, Cricket.

Cricket: We just gotta keep tryin'.

(Cricket launches chicken after chicken, but none of them go into space.)

Remy: (looks up) Oh! Cricket, we've got a problem.

Cricket: I know. These dang chickens can't seem to break free of the atmosphere.

Remy: No. I mean, well, look. (He points up.)

(The hens Cricket failed to launch into space fly down towards people, making them scream. One of the chickens pecks a woman's sunglasses.)

Woman with sunglasses: My eyes! It's pecking out my eyes!!

Cricket: Just a little higher. We're almost there!

(Cricket launches another white hen, but she just flies down towards the people running away from the other hens, and pecks a screaming pink woman, who faints next to Miss Brenda. Several other people run back the other way. Another hen lands in front of a man's windshield, who was listening to music, and is startled when he sees her.)

Green Man in car: (yelling) Oh, my gosh! (He drives out of control, crashing into a telephone pole in front of the cafe, which cuts the power of the Green House, which alerts Bill, who is sitting in his chair reading a book entitled A Man and His Tractor.)

Bill: ...Cricket.

(Back outside, people are still running from the hens.)

Cricket: Dang, outta chickens. We'll just have to... (He notices the chicken he was originally trying to launch into space, still wearing her helmet.)

(In a window of a nearby apartment, a magenta boy is watching Cricket about to launch the chicken into space.)

Magenta Boy: Hey, come check this out!

(A turquoise girl watches Cricket as well.)

Turquoise Girl: Oh! Cool.

(Cricket gets the chicken back in Gramma's pantyhose and stretches it farther then before, thus ripping part of it.)

Remy: Cricket, you're stretching it too far!

Cricket: This is our last chance. We gotta make it count. (to the chicken) I still believe in you.

(Cricket lets go of the pantyhose, releasing the chicken and finally launching her into the sky and into space.)

Cricket: Oh, my gosh, we did it! Ha ha, we did it!

(He laughs triumphantly; the camera pans around him to reveal the chaos he has caused.)

(The man in the crashed car notices.)

Green Man in car: Hey, he actually did it!

(Overview of the front yard; as Cricket, Tilly, and Remy are cheering, we can see that they caused a lot of damage trying to launch the rest of the hens into the sky. Cut to the front door, where Bill and Gramma come out.)

Bill: Cricket, I told you to stay in your... (He notices the mess they caused.) What the heck happened out here?

Cricket: We did it, Dad, just like you asked.

Bill: What are you talkin' about? What are the neighbors gonna think?

Magenta Boy: That was awesome! You guys are awesome! See ya tomorrow! (He leaves.)

Turquoise Girl: (laughing. She leaves.)

Bill: Well, whatever you did, Cricket, I guess it made a good impression. And next time, try to cause less damage.

Cricket: Oh, yeah, we did pretty good, huh? (He wrestles Bill.)

Bill: I gotcha now. I gotcha.

(Tilly and Gramma wrestle along with them.)

Remy: Uhm, excuse me. May I also join in the roughhousing?

(Gramma grabs him with her cane, and they all wrestle each other, and they all laugh. The camera pans up, and we hear metallic clanking.)

Bill (OS): Oh! Another bear trap?