Greens' house, front yard

(In the front yard, chickens, cows and pigs hang out all making their respective sounds. A jogger runs by. We close up on him, as he runs and listens to music via earpiece. He stops, having heard a strange sound, and takes his earpiece out.)

Jogger: Hmm?

(He looks to our left. The sounds of a driving tractor can be heard, and we see two kids, Cricket and Tilly Green, drive over a passing car.)

Cricket: Ha ha ha haaaaaaa!

(The tractor lands in the mud, spins, then lands in front of the house. Tilly falls off, but Cricket remains on the tractor. He looks over to the jogger and the viewers.)

Cricket: Oh, hi there. We're your new neighbors. (He walks over and sticks out his right hand.) My name's Cricket. Cricket Green.

(The tractor catches on fire. The camera cuts back on to the jogger, who is now covered in mud, and takes no response but groans; he continues running and listening to his music.)

Cricket: Hey, where ya goin'? Oh, okay, you're busy. That's fine. Hm. (blows raspberries) Well, stop by any time!

(The father, Bill Green, comes out in panic and notices the tractor on fire.)

Bill: Cricket, what are ya doin', boy? Have you lost your mind?! (He frantically tries to put out the fire with his hat.)

Cricket: Now, dad, I can explain.

(Flashback to Cricket and Tilly mowing the lawn with the tractor.)

Cricket (VO): At first, I was mowin' the lawn.

(Cut to Cricket and Tilly mowing the lawn of a golf course.)

Cricket (VO): Then, I was mowin' other lawns.

(Cricket and Tilly get hit by golf balls.)

Man (OS): Fore!

(Cut to Cricket and Tilly nervously riding the tractor on the streets.)

Cricket (VO): ...Then it just kinda got out of hand.

(Back to Cricket.)

Cricket: Honestly, I don't know how I made it back here.

Bill: Tilly, ya all right?

Tilly: I have seen danger... and I love it.

Bill: Listen, kids, I know it's been difficult adjustin' to city life, but we've got neighbors to consider now. (He waves to a neighbor.) Oh, hi, Mrs. Lewis.

(Cut to Mrs. Lewis, a grumpy old woman who lives in an apartment next door to the Greens.)

Mrs. Lewis: Clean up your junky yard, ya hillbilly! (She closes her window.)

Bill: The point is, folks don't know us yet, so we wanna make a good impression.

Cricket: A good impression. Dad, consider it done.

Bill: (patting Cricket on the head) Attaboy. (Metallic clanking is heard as Bill grunts.) Son, again? (Camera pans over to his right foot, which is caught in one of Cricket's bear traps. He walks offscreen in pain.)

Cricket: Aw, man, I'm sorry. That's my bad. I was tryin' to catch a bear.

(He tries to think of a way to impress their neighbors.)

Cricket: Hmm...

Tilly: What?

Cricket: Dad wants us to make a good impression around here. Tilly, what's the most impressive thing you can think of?

Tilly: Uh, chocolate volcano.

Cricket: No, we need something that makes your eyes go wide, and your heart beat fast!

Tilly: Uh... uh... a vanilla volcano!

Cricket: Nooo! (He looks over at a hen pecking the ground and gets an idea.) Hmmm. (He grabs the hen.) We're gonna launch a chicken... (points to the sky) into outer space.

Tilly: Really?

Cricket: We are gonna launch a chicken into space. (He shows the hen to Tilly.)

Tilly: Papa's gonna be thrilled.

Cricket: We are gonna launch a chicken into outer space! (He lifts her up.)

Tilly: Whoo!

(As Tilly is cheering, the family dog, Phoenix, scoots over whining.)

(Cricket puts down a cinder block, then uses a tape measure to measure the hen, then saws off a piece of wood. Tilly calculates the length to launch the chicken into space.)

Cricket: Initiate launch sequence.

(Cricket jumps off the top of a refrigerator onto a plank connected to the cinder block, used as a sea saw. The hen is sitting on the other side of the plank. As Cricket lands on the plank, the hen goes up, but then she immediately comes back down.)

Cricket: Dang it. We're gonna need more manpower.

(A boy walks by, whistling and carrying a violin case.)

Cricket: Hey, kid!

Boy: (stops, points to himself) Hm? Me?

Cricket: Yeah, you. Wanna help us launch a chicken into space?

Boy: Oh, well, I'm not sure my parents would approve.

Cricket: Well, I don't see your parents around. You in?

Boy: Violin lessons be darned!

(He throws out his case and runs over to Cricket and Tilly.)

Cricket: Welcome aboard. I'm Cricket, and this here's Tilly.

Boy: This here's Remy... I mean, I'm Remy.

Cricket: (stomping his foot on the plank) We need a better propulsion system.

Remy: (raising his hand) Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh.

Cricket: Yes, Remy?

Remy: What about a really big slingshot?

Cricket: Bingo-bango. I know just the thing.

(Cricket suddenly jumps up and off the plank.)

Tilly: Holy cow.

(The family cow, Miss Brenda, is seen sitting on the plank. She moo's.)

Gramma's room

(The kids' Gramma, Alice Green, is sleeping on her chair, with her dentures in a glass and the TV on. Cricket and Remy open her door just a crack.)

Remy: Won't your Gramma be mad that we're sneaking around her room?

Cricket: No, it's no problem. (He opens the door a little more.)

Remy: Oh, good.

Cricket: (opening the door all the way) Unless we get caught. She's got a sword.

(He sneaks in.)

Remy: (sweating a little) Wait, what?!

(He sneaks in with him.)

Tilly: (peeking her head through the door) I'll stand guard.

(Cricket and Remy continue sneaking around Gramma's room. Suddenly, Remy trips.)

Remy: Ah!

Cricket: Shh!

Remy: Sorry. I... (He notices Gramma's wooden leg in his hands and whimpers.) Ah! Cricket, I broke your Gramma's leg off.

Cricket: (looking in Gramma's dresser) Oh, relax. It's been broken off for years. (He gets out Gramma's old pantyhose.) Check it out, Remy. These'll be perfect. (stretching it) Nice and stretchy.

(Cricket accidentally bumps Gramma's kitty clock, awaking her.)

Gramma: My chatchkes. (She gets out her sword and flashes her lamp at Cricket and Remy.) Show yourselves, bandits!

Cricket: Gramma, it's just me.

Remy: (with teary eyes) Don't sword me...

(Gramma puts her sword on her wooden leg, putting a dent in it.)

Gramma: Boys, that's two counts of trespassing. You two rascals are gonna have to pay the ultimate price!

Cricket: What's the ultimate price?

Gramma: (smiles and points to her cheek) Kisses.

Cricket: (annoyed) Oh, Gramma.

Gramma: (angrily) Kisses!!

(Cricket runs nervously over to Gramma and kisses her on the cheek.)

Gramma: Your little friend, too.

Remy: (nervously) Uh, okay. (He kisses her on the cheek as well.)

Gramma: Oh, a little sugar. Now git outta here, ya imps!

(Cricket and Remy do so, but Remy stops and give Gramma back her wooden leg.)

Remy: Here's your leg back. (He continues following Cricket outside.)

(Gramma continues watching TV and puts her sword down.)

Front yard

(Cricket tries launching the hen, who is now wearing a tiny helmet, off the slingshot on the roof.)

Cricket: Okay, so I just point it towards space, right?

Remy: Aim really, really high.

Tilly: And tell the chicken you believe in her.

Cricket: That's silly, and I ain't doin' it. (whispers, to the chicken) I believe in you. (normal, back to Tilly and Remy, and shouting out to everyone else) I hope everyone is watching, 'cuz I'm about to launch a chicken into space. Pretty impressive.

Tilly: After the chicken, can I get a turn?

Cricket (OS): Tilly, this is science, not a ride.

Tilly: I'll still take a turn.

(She sips a Splish soda can.)

Cricket: (launching the slingshot further) T minus ten, nine, eight, seven...

(Cricket accidentally slips Gramma's pantyhose off the pipe he was using as part of the slingshot, making him slip down the roof and hang by a nail.)

Cricket: Hey, did anyone see that?

Big Coffee, exterior

(A beige man and a teal woman are sitting at a table, trying to decide what to order.)

Beige Man: I can't decide between the chicken or fish.

(Suddenly, the chicken lands in their table, then onto a red woman's table, smashing her food in her face, then onto other customers' tables, which irritates the waitress, Gloria.)

Cricket: Ooh. Not good.

Green's house, porch

(Gloria angrily knocks on the front door.)

Bill: Hello... oh, boy.

(Cut to Gloria, who is holding Cricket by the overalls and standing in front of the house with a bunch of angry customers.)

Cricket: I didn't do nuthin', I swear!

Gloria: Is this yours? He thought it would be fun to launch a wild animal into our cafe! Well, it's not fun!

(She throws Cricket off.)

Male Customer: There was a chicken in my chicken salad, and it ate some of it.

Gloria: (disgusted) Oh, great! So nowm it's a cannibal!

Bill: So sorry. I'll--

Gloria: Keep the animals on your side of the fence. (She points at Cricket.) That includes little... what's-his-name.

(Gloria and her customers leave as she nervously steps over Phoenix.)

Cricket: My name's Cricket. I'm your new neighbor.

Green's house, interior

Bill: Son, this is exactly what I'm talkin' about! For the rest of the day, I want you to stay out of sight, in your room.

Cricket: What? You're jokin'!

Bill: I ain't jokin', son. Just...please go to your room! (He points to Cricket's room.)

Cricket: You're serious?! I can't believe it!

Bill: (sternly) Mmm!!

Cricket: All right, I'm goin'! (He goes into his room, but comes back out.) I'll give you one last chance to change your --

Bill: (angrily; marches toward him) Cricket!!!

Cricket: Ack!

(He goes back in his room.)

Remy: Um, excuse me. Do you want me to go to Cricket's room as well?

Bill: (angrily; glares at Remy) Mmm!!

Remy: I'll just go!

(He goes into Cricket's room as well.)

Bill: Who the heck is that?

Cricket and Tilly's bedroom

(The camera cuts to different parts of Cricket and Tilly's room. First, we see a part of the room showing a toy box, a baseball, and a homemade dartboard made out of a trash can. Second, we see Cricket's dresser; the top drawer slightly open with a red sleeve hanging over it, and the top of the dresser holding a raccoon skull, a boomerang, a lamp with a spider crawling over it, two jars, a book, and a box. On the left side of the dresser are two fishing rods.)

Remy (OS): So this is your room. Hm.

(We cut to a part of the room showing a hammock which Cricket is sitting in, still holding the chicken, her helmet still on. Remy is sitting on a pillow next to the hammock.)

Remy: Hmm. It's nice.

Cricket: Yeah, it's all right. Hard to sleep at night with all the traffic noise. (sighs) What was I thinkin', tryin' to launch a chicken into space? It's so stupid. I'm never gonna impress this city.

Remy: I don't think it's stupid. I'd never even think to do something like that.

Cricket: Really?

Remy: Yeah. (He touches Cricket's raccoon skull) I mean, I don't know anyone who owns a raccoon skull. (He goes over to Cricket's homemade dart board.) And is that a homemade dart board? (He throws a dart on it.) And... and... and you got this thing. (He picks up a rocket called "The Big Bang".) Whoa! Actually, this is a little scary.

Cricket: (gets an idea) But it's also pretty dang impressive. (He gets off the hammock.) That rocket will give us plenty of power to launch this here chicken into the great unknown. (calls out to Tilly) Tilly.

Tilly" (on her top bed of the bunk bed; waking up) Huh?

Cricket: Two things. One, you gotta stop day sleepin'. And two, you ready to be a part of history?

Tilly: I guess.

Remy: But how are we gonna sneak outta your room without your dad seeing?

Cricket: (takes out the bottom drawer, revealing a secret exit outside the house) Bingo-bango.

Remy: Whoa! A secret exit? But doesn't your room get cold at night?

Cricket: Oh, very much so.

Front yard

(Cricket, Tilly and Remy get out on the front yard, with Cricket holding the chicken, and Remy holding the rocket.)

Cricket: Go, go, go. Hurry up.

(They tie the chicken up to the rocket and put it on some planks.)

Cricket: Okay, let's do this.

(Cricket grabs a traffic cone and uses it as a megaphone while standing on a cardboard box as a stand.)

Cricket: My fellow neighbors, may I have your attention, please? You are about to witness something you will never forget. I, Cricket Green, will launch this chicken into outer space!

(A group of people gather around to see.)

Cricket: Gather 'round! Don't be a stranger!

Little blue girl: Mommy, let's go watch the chicken rocket! (She runs over and pulls her mother with her.)

Cricket: Okay, you, I guess this is goodbye. I'll be waitin' right here for you when you get back. (He gets out a couple of toy military troops with parachutes attached to them.) Oh, and take these. For your re-entry. (He puts them in the rope.) Remy, initiate the launch sequence.

(Remy holds a magnifying glass over the wire, which ignites it, raveling it toward the rocket. Tilly puts on a pair of goggles.)

Remy: You have goggles? Should I have goggles?

(Cricket looks excited as the wire ravels; the chicken looks nervous as she is about to be blasted into space.)

Chicken: (nervous squawking)

(The wire reaches the end.)

Cricket: Here comes blastoff!

Tilly and Remy: Yay!

(However, instead of blasting off into space, the rocket just shoots tiny fireworks and sprouts a tiny American flag on top. The chicken lays an egg, which cracks as it reaches the ground.)

Red Man: Well, that was uneventful.

(The rocket tips over to the left.)

Cricket: What the heck happened?

Remy: It must've been a dud.

Police officer: All right, everyone, move on. There is literally nothing to see here.

(Everyone leaves.)

Cricket: Oh, no, we're losin' 'em! Plan B! (He runs over to the chicken house and releases all the other hens.) Come on, girls, move those chicken legs! Move, move, move! (He gets Gramma's pantyhose and tries once again to use it as a slingshot to launch the hens into space, with Remy holding one end, and Tilly holding the other.) We ain't impressin' anyone till we get a chicken into space. (He grabs a white hen and puts her in the slingshot.) Ten, nine... oh, heck. Blast off!

(Cricket launches the chicken, but she just flies in mid air. A group of people leaving stop when they notice.)

People: Huh?

Tilly: It's not high enough, Cricket.

Cricket: We just gotta keep tryin'.

(Cricket launches chicken after chicken, but none of them go into space.)

Remy: (looks up) Oh! Cricket, we've got a problem.

Cricket: I know. These dang chickens can't seem to break free of the atmosphere.

Remy: No. I mean, well, look. (He points up.)

(The hens Cricket failed to launch into space fly down towards people, making them scream. One of the chickens pecks a woman's sunglasses.)

Woman with sunglasses: My eyes! It's pecking out my eyes!!

Cricket: Just a little higher. We're almost there!

(Cricket launches another white hen, but she just flies down towards the people running away from the other hens, and pecks a screaming pink woman, who faints next to Miss Brenda. Several other people run back the other way. Another hen lands in front of a man's windshield, who was listening to music, and is startled when he sees her.)

Green Man in car: (yelling) Oh, my gosh! (He drives out of control, crashing into a telephone pole in front of the cafe, which cuts the power of the Green House, which alerts Bill, who is sitting in his chair reading a book entitled A Man and His Tractor.)

Bill: ...Cricket.

(Back outside, people are still running from the hens.)

Cricket: Dang, outta chickens. We'll just have to... (He notices the chicken he was originally trying to launch into space, still wearing her helmet.)

(In a window of a nearby apartment, a magenta boy is watching Cricket about to launch the chicken into space.)

Magenta Boy: Hey, come check this out!

(A turquoise girl watches Cricket as well.)

Turquoise Girl: Oh! Cool.

(Cricket gets the chicken back in Gramma's pantyhose and stretches it farther then before, thus ripping part of it.)

Remy: Cricket, you're stretching it too far!

Cricket: This is our last chance. We gotta make it count. (to the chicken) I still believe in you.

(Cricket lets go of the pantyhose, releasing the chicken and finally launching her into the sky and into space.)

Cricket: Oh, my gosh, we did it! Ha ha, we did it!

(He laughs triumphantly; the camera pans around him to reveal the chaos he has caused.)

(The man in the crashed car notices.)

Green Man in car: Hey, he actually did it!

(Overview of the front yard; as Cricket, Tilly, and Remy are cheering, we can see that they caused a lot of damage trying to launch the rest of the hens into the sky. Cut to the front door, where Bill and Gramma come out.)

Bill: Cricket, I told you to stay in your... (He notices the mess they caused.) What the heck happened out here?

Cricket: We did it, Dad, just like you asked.

Bill: What are you talkin' about? What are the neighbors gonna think?

Magenta Boy: That was awesome! You guys are awesome! See ya tomorrow! (He leaves.)

Turquoise Girl: (laughing. She leaves.)

Bill: Well, whatever you did, Cricket, I guess it made a good impression. And next time, try to cause less damage.

Cricket: Oh, yeah, we did pretty good, huh? (He wrestles Bill.)

Bill: I gotcha now. I gotcha.

(Tilly and Gramma wrestle along with them.)

Remy: Uhm, excuse me. May I also join in the roughhousing?

(Gramma grabs him with her cane, and they all wrestle each other, and they all laugh. The camera pans up, and we hear metallic clanking.)

Bill (OS): Oh! Another bear trap?

Cricket (OS): Oh, you're hurtin' now, but you'll thank me when the city's overrun with grizzlies.

Bill (OS): CRICKET!!!

(As the camera stops panning, we can see that the chicken made it safely back to Earth as she lands on top of a skyscraper.)

Chicken: (squawks)

The End

(A plastic bag hanging off a tree branch shows us the title of the episode. It blows away and we then see the Greens (From L-R: Gramma Alice with her walking stick, Bill with two bags of groceries, Tilly with a green balloon, and Cricket leading the way))

Cricket: Oh boy, I can't wait for tonight. Our first family Steak Night in the Big City!

All: Whoo!

Bill: And even though the food's three times more expensive here, nothin's more important than family tradition. But seriously, I spent Cricket's college savings in there.

Cricket: I never planned on goin'. What's your favorite part of Steak Night, Tilly?

Tilly: Well, Cricket, where do I start? I'd have to say... the steaks.

Gramma Alice: The steaks!

Bill: Uh, I'm gonna have to go with steaks.

Cricket: 'Cause it ain't Steak Night without the steaks! (Takes out the steaks)

Bill: Wait, how'd you get those?

Cricket: Can I hold them? Can I, dad?

Bill: (doubtedly) Hmm... (he agrees) Well, all right. But be careful. Steaks are the heart of Steak Night.

Cricket: I'll care for 'em like my own precious meat babies. (He squeezes and kisses it)

Bill: (looking at his watch) Oh, wow, it's gettin' late. We gotta get home.

Cricket: Hey, Dad, look! Let's take the subway! That'll save us a bunch of time.

Bill: Good idea. Can't be that complicated, right?

Cricket and Tilly: (cheering) Yay! Subway! Subway! Subway!

Alice: Sub-won't! (Tilly's green balloon pops) That subway's no good! And full of hidden dangers. Nothin' good ever comes from being underground!

Big City subway, 5th Street station

Alice: The only way you're gonna get me down that slimy old crime hole is if you drag me kickin' and screamin'! (realizing Bill is holding her) Oh you did. (disappointed) Well, heck.

Bill: Aw, come on, Ma. The subway's not that bad. Look! The kids are into it.

(The kids are looking around the station)

Cricket: Dang! Would you look at this place? It's like a whole underground city, Tilly. Let's show these steaks around.

Tilly: I'll bet they'd love that.

(Cut to a woman carrying a snake on her shoulders)

Snake Woman: (talking on a phone) I told you to get the extra-large mice.

Cricket: (whispers) Careful, steaks. The people here can commune with reptiles.

(The snake then turns, chomping Cricket's head)

Cricket: Aaaah!!

Snake Woman: Oh. He likes you.

(Cut to a man using a drinking fountain.)

Cricket: This traveler's storing water for a long, sad, lonely journey underground.

(Cut to another man sleeping on a bench.)

Cricket: Don't worry. I'm ninety-percent sure he's just sleeping.

(The man suddenly screams, which scares Cricket and Tilly. Cut to beneath the bench)

Cricket: And this is where they harvest their stretchy candy. (stretches one out) Mmm-yeah.

Tilly: (giggles, before turning to a rat in front of her) Huh? Oh! Hello. (The rat turns his head around, squeaking) What's that? You want me to be your fearless leader? (They stare at each other) I graciously accept.

Bill: Kids! Come on, stay close! Now, let's see here. (looks at the map)

Cricket: But Dad, I'm lookin' around with Tilly and the steaks! (He hears hip hop music and turns to his right.) Ooh.

(Cut to a crowd watching a street dancer doing a breakdance. The crowd cheers.)

Man: Whoo! Wow!

Woman: Wicked!

Cricket: Oh, my gosh. An underground hoedown! My turn. (He gets on the dance floor; hums and does a bluegrass dance.)

(The crowd cheers.)

Street dancer: Hey, you're pretty good. But can you do... this? (He makes robot noises and does the Robot.)

Cricket: Oh. Mah. Gosh. He's a robot wearing the skin of a human! Stay back! I'll handle this menace!

Subway train

(Cut to the train; the Greens are entering.)

Bill: Cricket! Hurry! The train's here.

Cricket: But, Dad, he's a robot!

Bill: Cricket! Now!

Cricket (groans) Fine. (He walks backwards, facing the street dancer, making threatening gestures.) This isn't over...

(The train closes just as Cricket gets in.)

P.A. Next stop, Tenth Street Station.

Cricket: Tricky robot man, thinks he can pull one over-- Wait. (He notices the package of steaks sitting next to a bench near where the street dancer is dancing.) The steaks!

P.A.: This train is now departing.

(As the train leaves, Cricket holds onto the back window, looking back at the steaks in fear.)

Cricket: No!

(Cut to Tilly, Bill, and Gramma sitting on a bench on the train)

Bill: So, how do you want your steaks cooked tonight?

Tilly: I'd like mine extra-well done.

Alice: Rarer than rare! Like a diamond... of meat.

Bill: Sheesh, I'm so hungry, I might just eat mine raw! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!

Alice: (laughing)

Bill: I'll do it! Bring me my steak!

Tilly: Stop it, Papa.

(Cut to Cricket, who is traumatized over losing the steaks. His pupils are tiny, and there are thick lines around the whites of his eyes.)

Bill (OS): Hey, Cricket!

(Camera pans over to Tilly, Bill and Gramma.)

Bill: Whatcha up to, pal? Come over here!

(Cricket walks over to the other Greens, still having the same traumatized look on his face.)

Bill: Listen, just 'cause we live in the city now doesn't mean (he gathers Cricket, Tilly, and Gramma for a group hug) our old ways of doing things are goin' anywhere. Tonight's gonna be great.

(Cricket starts trembling)

Bill: Uh, Cricket, are you OK?

Cricket: (yelling) I LOST THE STEAKS!

Bill: What?

Cricket: It was only partially my fault, I swear! It was that darn robot man!

Bill: ...Oh, boy.

Tilly: Can we get more steaks, Papa?

Bill: Not unless we have another month's savings lying around.

Alice: Well, don't look at me. My money's tied up with the Feds.

Bill: What are we supposed to do now?

Cricket: Don't worry. I can get our steaks back.

Big City subway, 10th Street station

(The train stops at Tenth Street Station.)

Cricket: We just have to go back to the last station and grab 'em.

Bill: No, Cricket, we're not going back--

Cricket: (he's already exited the train onto the station) Too late! I'm already doing it!

Bill: (angrily) Cricket!! (he, Tilly and Gramma head off the train to follow Cricket) (panicked) Hurry! Hurry! Before the doors close-- (they already do, and catch Bill's right arm still carrying a grocery bag) Ah! Don't worry about me, just go get Cricket!

Tilly: Aye-aye, Papa. (She turns to a group of rats, among them is the one she met earlier.) Linda, Alfred, you and the gang go get Cricket. Crazy Dave, you just do you. Roll out!

(The sewer rats do so, and stop at a pizza slice laying on the subway floor. They eat it.)

Tilly: Aww. Well, that is just too cute.

Cricket: (running and panting; he stops to look at a map) OK. Let's see. Fifth Street Station.

Conductor: Fifth Street Station! All aboard this train to Fifth Street Station! My job is to say that this train is going to Fifth Street Station!

Cricket: (gasps) Steaks, here I come!

(Cut to Bill, who is struggling to get his grocery bag out of the train door)

Bill: (grunting) Oh, come on! Aaah! (The grocery bag rips apart, and most of the groceries fall out) Our potater salad ingredients! Rest in peace...

Cricket (OS): Come on, Dad! Steaks are this way!

Bill: Cricket, come back here!

(Cut to Cricket struggling to find his way through a large crowd)

Cricket: Hurry, Dad! This way! Almost there!

Bill: (following Cricket while also struggling to find his way through the crowd) Oh, gosh. S-Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me! Trying to get to my son! Cricket, come back!

Cricket: (running upstairs; panting)

Bill: (following him; also panting, while sweating a little) Cricket! (he wipes away his sweat) Slow down, son! Daddy's heart!

Cricket: Dad, we're almost to the-- (He stops at an angry pink fluffy toy dog) Ah!

Angry Pink Dog: Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!

Bill: (grabs Cricket) Gotcha! We're goin' home!

Man (OS): Excuse me, sir.

(The man appears onscreen, revealing himself to be blue with orange hair, with a ponytail and goatee)

Blue Man: Do you have a moment to talk about the environment?

Cricket: Why, yes, he does. In fact, he's an organic farmer.

Bill: Hmm?

Blue Man: Oh, really? That's so cool!

Bill: Oh-- Yeah, I... guess so. But I don't like to think of it as organic farming as much as just... doing it the right way. (He notices Cricket has left while he was talking) Huh? What? Wait-- Cricket!

Blue Man: OK. Question one. How often do you recycle?

Cricket: (sliding down the stair ramp) This way, Dad! I can almost taste those steaks!

Blue Man: OK, next question. Do you support voting rights... for trees?

Bill: Uh, sorry, can't talk now. Bye!

Blue Man: Wait! (He grabs onto Bill's leg) Don't you care about Mother Earth! (Gramma Alice whacks him on the head with her cane) Oh! (He lets go of Bill's leg)

Alice: Git yer tree-huggin' hands off my boy! (She shoos him away, he skimps away on all fours) Go on now, git!

(Bill and Alice run over to the staircase)

Cricket (OS): Dad, over here!

(Cut to Cricket, about to get on the next train)

Cricket: This train will take us back to the steaks!

Bill and Alice: Cricket!

Bill: (grabs Alice and runs after Cricket) This way, Tilly!

Tilly (OS): Coming, Papa!

(Tilly rides on the sewer rats)

Tilly: Whee!

Conductor: Last call for Fifth Street Station! This train is leaving very soon!

Cricket: All clear! No obstacles here!

(A couple of men in European clothing put down their Alpine Horns and play them. Another man appears at the bottom left hand corner of the screen, also dressed in European clothing)

Orange man in European clothing: Alpine Horn Battle!

Cricket: Steaks! Ah! (He jumps over the horns and makes it to the train, but not before the doors close, thus leaving him stuck between the doors.) Ha! Hurry!

Bill: (still running with Alice in his right arm) Argh! Argh!

Subway train

(Tilly, Bill, Gramma, and the rats all make it to the doors, opening them and releasing Cricket. They all make it safely on the train as the doors close.)

Bill: Uh! Oh. My head. (He notices his lettuce has been damaged through all the running) Oh, my head of lettuce!

Cricket: (putting his right hand on Tilly's right shoulder) Guys, we made it!

P.A.: Now departing Tenth Street Station.

Cricket: Next stop, steaks! Our family tradition is saved!

(A sudden electrical crackling is heard. The power goes out, and the train comes to a sudden halt.)

P.A.: Your attention, please. Due to a suspicious package left at Fifth Street Station, this train has been delayed... indefinitely.

Cricket: No, no!! OK, Dad, new plan. We're just gonna--

Bill: (raising his left hand at Cricket) Cricket! No. Just-- (groans) You've done enough. And thanks to all that running around, we lost most of the groceries, too.

Alice: We'll have to eat sawdust. Like back in the trenches. (smacks her lips)

Bill: I guess we'll just have to wait this one out.

(Cricket lays down, depressed about having ruined Steak Night. He sighs and puts his head and body down under the bench. Tilly looks down, noticing her brother feeling down.)

Cricket: (chewing a stretchy candy from the underside of the bench) Hmm...

Tilly: What flavor stretchy candy ya got there?

Cricket: (sighs) Regret... And... raspberry swirl? (He takes the stretchy candy out of his mouth) Bleah. Oh, Tilly, I feel awful. I ruined Steak Night. I'll never be able to show my face around the house again. I'll have to move away and live in a shed of shame. A shame shed.

Tilly: It's true, that went very poorly, but the Cricket I know never gives up when it comes to family! Which is why you have to go back for those steaks.

Cricket: We're trapped here. How can I possibly get out?

Tilly: Same way the rats get in. (She points to the emergency exit on the ceiling; one of the rats is going through it)

Cricket: (chuckles)

Bill: Well, steaks ain't happening tonight. But maybe I can make something out of what we've got left. (As Bill looks through his groceries, Tilly gives Cricket a boost to the emergency exit) Let's see, I've still got a radish, some coriander, couple of eggs, and... a squirt gun? Cricket, I told you not to put this in the cart! (He notices Cricket has left) Cricket? Cricket! Tilly, you have got to stop enabling your brother.

Tilly: I know, and I'm sorry. Which is why I made you this apology necklace out of trash I found lying around.

Bill: Uh... Apology accepted. Now throw that thing away and give me a boost.

Tunnel leading to 5th Street station

(Cut to Cricket running through the tunnel to Fifth Street Station.)

Cricket: Hang on, steaks, I'm comin'! (He stops at the "Station 5" sign and notices the package of steaks still sitting next to the bench) Whew! They're OK. (A robot comes near the steaks) What the heck? A robot?

(A couple members of Bomb Squad peek out from behind the wall. They are wearing protective suits and most of their faces are covered, except their eyes. They are controlling the robot.)

Female Bomb Squad member: Careful now. We don't know what's in that package. One wrong move and it could explode!

Male Bomb Squad member: Stop it! You're making me nervous.

(The robot comes closer to the package. It reaches out its claw hands, ready to grab it.)

Female Bomb Squad member (OS): Careful... OK... (Cut to the inside of a camera monitoring the robot, the screen is green; the robot gets closer) Easy...

(Cricket grabs the package just before the robot can)

Male Bomb Squad member: Whoa! Where'd it go? (Cut back to the camera's view) Let's see... (Cricket is seen running with the package)

Cricket: Ah! (hisses)

Female Bomb Squad member: That large rat took the bomb! Get him!

Male Bomb Squad member: I'm on it! (he pushes a button on the control, making the robot go after Cricket)

Bomb Squad Robot: Pursuing. Pursuing.

(Cut back to Tilly, Bill, and Gramma Alice looking for Cricket)

Gramma Alice: Y'all keep your eyes peeled for gators. They're nature's thieves.

Bill: All right, Ma.

(The Greens all turn around to see Cricket running from the robot with the steak still in hand)

Cricket: Aaah! Get away from me, robot!

Bomb Squad Robot: Pursuing. Pursuing. Continuing to pursue.

Bill: What in the--

Tilly: Go, Cricket!

Cricket: I got the steaks! Come on, let's go-- (He bumps into a low-hanging sign, accidentally releasing the steaks, sending them flying in the air. The robot catches them. He gasps) No!

Female Bomb Squad member: Nice catch.

Male Bomb Squad member: Thanks, Carol.

Female Bomb Squad member: (grabbing a phone from the right) Dispatch, this is Bomb Squad. The package is secure. Get those trains up and running!

(Cut to Cricket and the robot, about to engage in a battle. Spaghetti Western music is heard. The screen closes in on them.)

Cricket: Let's party.

(His eyelids close in on his pupils, and the screen does the same with him. The robot makes the same expression as him, and the screen closes in on it.)

Cricket: (yelling; he charges at the robot. He reaches for the steaks, but the robot pulls them away) Dang robot dance moves! Ugh!

Bill: Cricket, get away from that thing!

Cricket: (grunting; he kicks the robot, trying to force it to release the steaks)

Bomb Squad Robot: (eye turns red) Maximum threat detected. Preparing disposal. (It opens chest, revealing a "mouth" inside)

Cricket: Hey! You can't eat those. Ah!

(He attacks the robot, and they both fall over and land on the train tracks! The Greens look in shock and gasp.)

Cricket: (grunting) Let go! We need these to have our Steak Night!

Bill: Cricket, get off the tracks! It's dangerous!

(The train horn blows. The train is headed for the station as Cricket and the robot continue fighting for the steaks.)

Gramma Alice: Bill, take my cane!

(As Cricket and the robot continue fighting, Bill grabs him by the overalls with Gramma's cane.)

Bill: Son! Let go!

Cricket: And ruin our family tradition? Never! You said it yourself, steaks are the heart of Steak Night!

(The train comes closer.)

Bill: No, that's wrong! Steak Night isn't about the steaks! It's about family! We can afford to buy more steaks. We can't afford to buy another Cricket!

Tilly: ...I've tried.

Cricket: I-- (sighs; he lets go of the package as Bill throws him back on the station) Wah!

Bomb Squad Robot: Bomb recovered. (Does a victory dance moving its arms up and down; the package still in claw hands) Vic-to-ry. Vic-to-ry. Vic-to...ry?

(It turns around to notice the train headed right for it and about to crush it. Sure enough, the Greens watch in horror as the train runs over the robot and the steaks with it.)

Male Bomb Squad member: Huh. I guess I pressed the victory button too soon. Oh, well. Dinner?

Female Bomb Squad member: Ooh, yeah!

Male Bomb Squad member: I'm kinda cravin' steaks for some reason.

Female Bomb Squad member: Me, too!

Big City subway, 5th Street station

(Cut to the Greens sitting on a bench, all sighing.)

Cricket: Sorry I got so worked up about a couple of silly steaks.

Bill: No need to apologize, Cricket. Family traditions are important, but never more important than family.

Cricket: Also, I fought a robot!

Bill: (laughing) Ha ha! Yeah! That was-- That was crazy. OK, now, how about we head home and order some takeout?

Tilly: That won't be necessary, Papa. (She picks up an old, stale slice of pizza) The subway has provided. Bottoms up, family. (She is about to eat it)

Cricket, Bill, and Gramma: Ah, Tilly, don't. Ah, no, no, no!

Bill: (takes away the stale slice of pizza) OK, that's it! We're taking the bus!

Tilly: Rats.

End

Green's house, Cricket and Tilly's room

(We open on a shot of a book shelf, with a poster of two gloved fists colliding that says the title of the episode. We then move right to see Cricket sleeping in his hammock, the morning sun shining in from the window. As the sunlight shines on his face, he immediately wakes up with a smile.)

Green's house, exterior

(A rooster can be seen perched on a window, preparing to crow. He takes a deep breath, but just before he can start, Cricket's face, exhibiting an expression of pure joy, appears out of nowhere at the window.)

Cricket: (Very excited) Cock-a-doodle-doo! Today's the day!

Green's house, Cricket and Tilly's room

(Cricket jumps off his dresser and stands on his room's floor, arms outstretched as he continues to be excited.)

Cricket: (Very excited) Today's the day!

(Close up of Cricket's calendar, showing a red circle on the second Wednesday of the month, with arrows pointing at it and exclamation marks next o It, with an inscription that says "THE DAY" with an underlining and an exclamation mark. Cricket appears next to it, his hands on the calendar, still super excited.)

Cricket: (Very excited) Today's the day!

(The camera moves back to show us the room's interior and the bunk beds, with the top bunk holding a sleeping Tilly. Cricket jumps up and pulls her down, blanket and all, to share with her the exciting news. As he says this, Tilly is dazed, having just woken up.)

Cricket: (Very excited, arms outstretched) Tilly! Today's the day!

(He jumps over her and laughs hysterically as he runs out the room. Tilly, left alone and still dazed from her abrupt awakening, rolls over to her side, covering herself again with the blanket.)

Tilly: (Tired) Five more minutes.

Green's house, Bill's room

Cricket: (opening Bill's bedroom door) Dad, wake up!

(He leaps onto Bill, who is sleeping in his bed.)

Bill: (startled, also having just barely woken up) Cricket! What in the world??!

Cricket: Today's the day! Today's the day!! (He runs outside, gasping excitedly)

Bill: (groaning) Oh...

Green's house, front yard

(Cricket is now in his clothes. He sneaks up on Phoenix, who is sleeping in her doghouse.)

Cricket: Today's the day.

(He pokes Phoenix on the eyes; her right eye opens.)

Cricket: (patting the family cow, Miss Brenda) Today's the day!

Miss Brenda: Moo!

Green's house, Gramma's room

Cricket: (Opening Gramma's bedroom door; whispering) Gramma. Today's the day.

(Camera pans over to the left to reveal Gramma Alice, who is sitting in her chair. She turns on her lamp.)

Gramma Alice: (snickers)

Green's house, kitchen

(The Greens enter the kitchen. Tilly and Bill are still dazed from their abrupt awakening.)

Bill: What's goin' on, Cricket?

Cricket: (puts down a bowl of grits on the table) I made y'all grits this mornin' as a celebration, 'cause today is the day I earn the Green family name!

Bill: (rubbing his right eye) Ho, ho! Right. The old Green Family Rite of Passage.

Cricket: For generations, each member of our family has set off on a quest to wrestle the toughest, meanest animal around in order to truly earn the Green family name.

Gramma Alice: As well as earn a place on the Green Family Triumph Quilt. (close up on the quilt; it shows various patches, each one a picture of a Green conquering an animal) Each patch represents a Green defeating a vicious animal. (points to a patch of Tilly riding a horse while feeding him a carrot on a stick) There's your sister taming a wild horse.

Tilly: Frederico was a good horse of great moral character.

Gramma Alice: (points to a patch of Bill reaching out his open arms for a hawk) And here's your father as a child, taming a hawk.

Bill: Ha! Nearly tore me in half. (He pulls up his shirt, revealing a scar on his chest.)

Tilly: Hey! Even Mom has a patch.

Gramma Alice: Yep, somewhere between the wedding and the honeymoon, she wrestled a wolverine.

Cricket: And now, it's my turn. I'm gonna wrestle the wildest animal this city's got.

Gramma Alice: Now, remember. The rules state that you must pin an animal for the count of three before the sun sets. Do you have what it takes, boy, or are you all lip?

Cricket: Get your sewin' fingers ready, Gramma, 'cuz today, I'm becomin' an official Green! (He runs out of the kitchen, yelling) Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi! Yay! Ay-yi-yi!

Gramma Alice: Go git 'em, Cricket.

Tilly: (pauses for a moment, then pours some grits from Cricket's bowl into hers) More for Tilly.

Green's house, front yard

(Cricket's shirt and overalls are lying on the ground. Move left to show Cricket in his underwear.)

Cricket: Cricket Green -- well, just Cricket until he earns his last name -- is a world-class animal wrangler, and a master of camouflage-ication. (He takes some mud in his hands and spreads it on his face in the shape of an X. Suddenly he gags and spits, showing he...) Got dirt in my mouth.

Big Coffee, exterior

(Camera pans over to show a few customers eating at their tables, just outside the cafe. Cricket peeks out from behind the fence.)

Cricket: Cricket roams the cityside searching for the wild beast he is destined to defeat. Ah-ha! I got you now!

(Cut to a hairy foot with three claws sitting at the foot of a table. Cricket starts munching on it.)

Man: My slippers!

(The camera moves back to reveal that the hairy feet are actually slippers worn by an orange man with red bushy hair and a mustache, and square glasses. Gloria, holding a rag in her right hand and a sprayer in her left, sees this.)

Gloria: Hey!

(She sprays Cricket.)

Cricket: Realizing he's outmatched, Cricket makes his escape!

(He crawls away.)

Gloria: (to the customer with the sloth foot slippers) You might want to get a rabies shot.

Food Dragon, exterior

Food Dragon manager: (pushing Cricket out of the market) For the last time, there is no dragon at Food Dragon.

Cricket: You can't hide him from me forever!

Food Dragon manager: Nope. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. (As he says each of these lines, he backs up back in the store and points his left index finger at Cricket.)

Cricket: Oh, man. This rite of passage is pretty difficult in the city.

Gramma Alice: (jumping out from behind a bush) Exactly! Never let your guard down! Never let your guard down.

Cricket: Ooh. Hey, Gramma, let's say I don't pin an animal by sundown. What happens then?

Gramma Alice: Well, then, you wouldn't be a Green anymore. You'd have to change your name to something stupid, like Hawking or Einstein. But that ain't gonna happen. Is it?!

Cricket: Ha! You kiddin' me? I just gotta find new huntin' grounds.

Gramma Alice: That's the attitude. Now put your clothes back on. You look ridiculous.

Big City Park

Cricket: The park is a perfect place to find a vicious animal opponent.

Gramma Alice: All right, kiddo, let's see what you've got.

(Cut to Cricket's view of the park. The camera pans over to the right to show various animals.)

Cricket (OS): Hmm, let's see here, a couple of baby birds, nah, swarm of ants, unh.

(The camera stops on Officer Keys and his horse.)

Cricket (OS): Ah-ha!

Officer Keys: Okay, Buttercup. (sing-song)

♪ Yum-yum time ♪

♪ It's time for yum-yums ♪

♪ Get into your big horse tum-tums ♪

(He tries getting a bone-like treat in the horse's mouth, but to no avail.)

Gramma Alice: Here's your chance, boy. Strike while your prey is distracted.

Cricket: (charging towards Officer Keys and Buttercup) Ahh!

Officer Keys: (sing-song) ♪ It's time for yum-yums ♪ (normal) Hm. (He eats the treat himself) Mmm.

Cricket: (screaming) (He continues charging until he attacks Keys' horse and startles it.)

Officer Keys: Careful, child! Buttercup spooks easily! (Buttercup runs away and knocks Cricket off.) Buttercup, remember your training!

Gramma Alice: What happened back there?

Cricket: Just lost my grip. Silky mane.

Gramma Alice: Well, hurry and find something else.

Cricket: Hmm. (He looks around until something catches his eye.) Hmm? Uh, what about that vicious creature? (He points to a woman and her large but harmless dog, who is happily frolicking in the flowers

Dog: Aw-woo.

Gramma Alice: Are you kiddin' me? Wild animals ain't on leashes!

Cricket: Hmm. (He looks around until he spots a squirrel catching an acorn.) Aha! You're mine, furry demon! Hyaah! (He leaps over to attack, and after wrestling with the squirrel, he pins it.) One, two, three! (sweating a little) Hah! I did it. I'm a Green. Right, Gramma?

Gramma Alice: (sarcastically) Oh, of course... NOT!

Cricket: (gasps) Hey!

Gramma Alice: If you think pinning a squirrel is an "accomplishment," (pulls up the Green Family Triumph Quilt) when I completed the Family Rite of Passage, (points to a picture of herself as a young woman defeating a grizzly bear) I fought a bear!

Cricket: Bears are basically real-life monsters.

Gramma Alice: Exactly!

Cricket: (releasing the squirrel) I don't know if there's an animal in this city that'll work, Gramma.

Gramma Alice: A true Green is cunning and clever, so figure something out!

(She walks off.)

Cricket: (thinking) Hmm. (He gets an idea) Mm? If cunning and clever is what Gramma wants, then that's what she'll get.

Green's house, exterior

Tilly (OS): Sing with me, Papa.

Dining room

(Tilly and Bill are setting the table while a ditty is playing on the radio.)

Tilly: Cuz it's fun, fun, fun / Fun, fun, fun

Bill: Fun, fun fun Yeah, OK, I'm gettin' it.

Tilly and Bill: Fun, fun, fun, fun

Bill: Oh, yeah!

(Tilly and Bill continue singing until they hear the door slamming. Camera pans over to the left to show Cricket at the front door, his hair all wet and droopy, and he is covered with ketchup stains to make it seem like he was injured fighting a vicious animal.)

Cricket: Hello... Fellow Greens.

Bill: Cricket! What happened?

Cricket: Oh, nothin'... If you think fightin' a lion is nothin'.

Bill: A lion?

Tilly: Did you die?

Cricket: It was crazy. A vicious lion escaped from the zoo and was running down the street bitin' chunks of people right off! (He grabs the wooden loon from the fireplace to act out his story) I knew destiny brought me and this lion together for a reason, to fight! (He wrestles the loon) I jumped right at him, but he swiped at my face, so I threw him down and I put him in a headlock! (He breaks the loon's head off.) So, I suppose that wraps up my Family Rite of Passage.

Gramma: (suspiciously) Oh, really? I didn't hear any news about an escaped lion.

Cricket: (nervously) Uh, you probably didn't hear about it 'cuz, uh, well, the police wanted to keep the whole thing quiet.

Gramma: That so? (She walks over to Cricket) What'd his breath smell like? How many claws did he have?

Cricket: Uh, well, I-- (Gramma takes some ketchup from Cricket's cheek on her finger) Ew.

(Gramma tastes the ketchup, much to Tilly and Bill's horror, who still think it's blood.)

Bill: Oh, jeez, Ma!

Gramma: Oh, relax, Bill, it's just ketchup! (She points at Cricket) This boy had you tangled in a twisted web of lies!

Cricket: (angrily) All right, you caught me! I've tried and tried to complete this stupid Family Rite of Passage, and it's impossible! I'm done!

Gramma: Ya quittin'? Greens don't give up!

Cricket: Then I guess I'm not a Green!

Gramma: (gasps)

(Camera pans over to Bill and Tilly. Bill also looks shocked, but Tilly appears unfazed and is holding the radio. She turns it on and "Fun, Fun, Fun" plays again.)

Tilly: Fun, fun, fun, fun / Fun, fun, fun, fun (Bill nudges her and she turns the radio off) Did I misread the room?

Green's house, kitchen

(The cat clock ticks. Camera pans over to the table, where Cricket and Gramma are staring angrily at each other. As the clock ticks, Bill and Tilly look back and forth at Cricket and Gramma, who are both grunting angrily at each other.)

Bill: So, uh, Cricket, (passes him the tray of Gramma's green bean casserole) would you like some green bean casserole?

Gramma: (swiping the tray out of Bill's hands) Uh-uh-uh! This casserole is a family recipe, for Greens only!

Cricket: What? But green bean casserole's my favorite!

Gramma: Don't worry. (passes him a can of canned corn) You can have all the canned corn you want.

Cricket: You serious? Canned corn is the worst! (He knocks the can off the table.)

Bill: Come on, Ma, let the boy eat what he wants, huh?

Gramma: Fine! I'll just add it to his room and board tab.

Cricket: I gotta pay rent now? How the heck am I supposed to do that?

Gramma: You'll just have to get a job. There's always more room in the coal mines.

Cricket: This is ridiculous! I'm outta here! (He leaves the table and exits the kitchen.)

Gramma: Just 'cuz you didn't eat it don't mean I won't charge you for it!

(Offscreen, Cricket opens the door and then slams it shut.)

Tilly: (pouring the casserole onto her plate) More for Tilly.

Green's House, doorway

Cricket: (sitting on the doorsteps, frustratedly) Stupid Gramma. Stupid Green Rite of Passage. (sadly) If I'm not a Green... Then what am I? (He ponders this sadly until he hears Bill from inside the house.)

Bill (OS): Aw, Ma, why are you bein' so hard on the boy?

Green's house, kitchen

Bill: He's your grandson. Can't you be a little easier on him?

Gramma: No! This is important, Bill. Every Green has done it. What would my grandmother say if a Green didn't go through the Rite of Passage? She wrestled five boars! Five boars!

Green's House, doorway

Cricket: Pssh. Ten boars ain't as scary as you, Gramma. (He realizes something.) Wait a minute.

Gramma's Room

Cricket: (kicking Gramma's door open) Ah! ALICE DELORES GREEN!!!!!

Gramma: (sitting in her chair, back turned towards Cricket) Hmph. I ain't got the time for a no-grit non-Green quitter.

(Cricket turns Gramma's chair around, thus facing him.)

Cricket: Listen, I thought I couldn't do this because there weren't any ferocious animals in the city, but I was wrong. The meanest, most vicious creature was right in front of me this whole time. I challenge you to wrestle me for my Green Family Rite of Passage!

Gramma: (suddenly gets a smile on her face) Hee, hee! Well, all right. Congratulations on finding a worthy opponent. But you still gotta pin me by sundown! (She gets up, her joints cracking) Ha! (She picks up an angel doll and crunches it.)

Cricket: Gah! (shakes his head) Bring it on, ya old boot! Ah!!

(He leaps onto Gramma's face, and they wrestle until they fall to the ground. They both get back up.)

Cricket: (dizzily) Uh...

(Gramma charges toward Cricket)

Cricket: Uh? Uh! Ya! (He pulls the lever on Gramma's chair, thus putting up the recliner. Gramma runs into it, which causes her dentures to fly out of her mouth. They land on Cricket's head.)

Cricket: Ah! Blah! (He throws them back and Gramma catches them in her mouth.)

Gramma: Mm...

Cricket: (disgusted) Ugh! (He bounces off the recliner and lands on Gramma's dresser.) Ah-ha! Yah!

(He throws multiple sewers at Gramma, but she dodges most of them and breaks one with her teeth.)

Green's House, exterior

(Cricket and Gramma continue wrestling and break out a window covered with wooden planks. They land on the porch.)

Cricket: (agitated) Is that all you got? (Gramma pinches his cheek.) Ah!

Gramma: (playing with Cricket's cheek) Aren't you just a cutie? (laughing) Huh?

(Cricket cranks Gramma's hearing aid from "low" to "loud". As the feedback squeals, he slaps the wind chimes.)

Cricket: Ah-ha!

(Gramma is now stunned from hearing the loud noise, which gives Cricket the chance to steal her wooden leg.)

Cricket: Got your wooden leg!

Gramma: I could beat you with no limbs! (She wrestles Cricket and they tumble off the porch into the front yard.)

(Bill and Tilly come out, Tilly holding the quilt.)

Bill: Ma!

Tilly: Cricket!

Bill: Stop fightin'!

Tilly: You don't have to do this! I'll put you on the quilt myself!

Cricket: Don't get involved! I'm wrestling the toughest beast in the city!

(Gramma picks Cricket up, spins him around, and tosses him in the air. He lands on the porch step, breaking it in half.)

Cricket: Ugh!

Bill and Tilly: Cricket!

Cricket: (panting)

Gramma: (retrieves her wooden leg and puts it back on) Had enough?

Bill: Cricket, you can't beat Gramma, and you know it. Just end this foolishness!

Cricket: You're right, Dad. I can't beat Gramma. And I don't need to!

Gramma: Huh?

Cricket: (takes the quilt from Tilly) All this time I was trying to get on this quilt 'cuz that's how things are done in this family. But I don't care if you don't consider me a Green, 'cuz I feel like a Green. I know I'm a Green. And that's something no one can ever take away from me.

Gramma: Boy, I'm proud of you. It takes real grit to stand up to family-- (Cricket suddenly covers her with the quilt) Ah! (groans)

Cricket: (finally manages to pin Gramma to the ground) Never let your guard down!

Gramma: (gets her head out from under the quilt) Ah! Are you crazy?

Tilly: Papa, start the count.

Bill: (counting as the sun sets) One, two, three!

Cricket: Admit it, Gramma. You're pinned!

Gramma: Uh, I'm pinned. I knew you had it in you... Cricket Green. Now git offa me!

Cricket: (poses by standing triumphantly on Gramma's back) I AM CRICKET GREEN!

Green's House, interior

(Cut to a patch of Cricket pinning Gramma. As Gramma finishes sewing it, she gives Cricket a kiss on the cheek.)

Bill: Aw, glad to see you two are gettin' along again.

Gramma: Yeah. Round two! (She playfully strangles Cricket)

Cricket: (grunting) Gramma!

Bill: (groans)

(End of the Episode )