Not alone?

I sat there, staring at the glowing screen of my phone, feeling the weight of the silence on the other side of the line. Noah had reached out again, but I couldn’t bring myself to reply. His words, meant to comfort, felt like a distant echo in a world I no longer recognized. It wasn’t that I didn’t care—it was that I had forgotten how to care.

Everything felt so distant now. The faces of those I once called family and friends blurred in my mind, memories fading like a dream slipping through my fingers. I tried to hold on, but the harder I gripped, the faster it slipped away. It was as if I was drowning in a sea of my own making.

I couldn’t remember the last time I felt at peace. The last time I felt truly seen, truly heard. My thoughts tangled, spiraling into darkness, the noise of the world becoming more and more unbearable. I had isolated myself, built walls so high that no one could break through. Not even Noah, the one person who had never given up on me.

How had I become this person? Someone who couldn’t even face their own reflection without feeling disgusted. Someone whose presence in a room felt like a burden.

Maybe I was never meant to be happy.

The thought lingered in my mind longer than I expected. It wasn’t a cry for attention or a desire for sympathy. It was simply a realization that I couldn’t escape. Happiness had always felt like something just out of reach, something I could never attain. The harder I reached for it, the more it slipped away.

I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at the strands as if somehow that would pull me out of this abyss. But there was no easy way out. I had created this mess, and now I was stuck in it.

A knock at the door jolted me from my thoughts.

I hesitated for a moment, unsure of who it could be. My heart skipped a beat, a familiar dread settling in my chest. I didn’t want to face anyone—not today, not ever again.

But then I heard the voice.

“Open up. It’s me.”

Noah. My heart sank, and I felt the familiar ache of guilt and shame creeping up my throat.

I stood, my legs shaky as I walked toward the door. The sound of my breath seemed too loud, too heavy in the silence of the room. When I opened it, there he was—standing in front of me with his usual easygoing smile, though there was something different in his eyes. Concern. Worry. A thousand unspoken questions.

“Hey,” he said softly, like he wasn’t sure how to approach me.

I didn’t know how to respond. How could I? What was there to say when everything felt so broken?

Noah didn’t wait for me to say anything. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, walking over to the couch and sitting down, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I know something’s wrong, and I know you’re shutting me out. But you can’t keep doing this,” he said, his voice quiet but firm. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here. I always have been.”

The words hit me harder than I expected. I’m here.

But was I worth it?

I stared at him, feeling the weight of everything I hadn’t said pressing down on me. The guilt, the regret, the overwhelming sense that I was drowning, and no one could save me.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “I don’t know why I push everyone away. Why I keep doing this to myself.”

Noah’s gaze softened, and he stood up, walking toward me slowly, as if not wanting to startle me. He stopped just a few steps away, his eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and understanding.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers right now,” he said gently. “But you can talk to me. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

The walls I’d built up for so long trembled, cracking under the weight of his words. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I fought them back. I couldn’t show him that weakness, could I? Not after everything.

But Noah didn’t give up. He stepped closer, his hand reaching out toward mine. For a moment, I hesitated, unsure if I could let him in. But then I placed my hand in his, and something inside me shifted.

Maybe I didn’t have all the answers. Maybe I didn’t even have the strength to fix everything I had broken. But in that moment, with Noah by my side, I realized something: I didn’t have to fix it alone.

And maybe—just maybe—that was enough for now.

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