Episode Title: "Boo-barded"
Kate and Vanessa were officially fed up—with their jobs, their broke lives, and especially the people who made their café shifts a living nightmare. And today? Today was the day they snapped.
The Breaking Point
It started with a Karen. You know the type—blonde highlights, oversized sunglasses, and a voice that made nails on a chalkboard sound pleasant. She strutted into Milo’s Café, slammed her designer purse on the counter, and glared at Kate.
“I specifically asked for almond milk. This tastes like regular milk,” she said, pushing the drink back.
Kate took a deep breath. “Ma’am… that is almond milk.”
Karen gasped, dramatically clutching her chest. “Are you calling me a liar?”
Before Kate could respond, Vanessa smirked. “No, but I am calling you dramatic.”
Karen scoffed and pointed a perfectly manicured finger. “You’re both so unprofessional! Where’s your manager?”
Kate turned, pretending to yell toward the back. “Hey Milo! Someone’s asking for you.”
Milo, sitting in the break room, yelled back, “Tell them to leave me alone!”
Kate grinned. “There’s your answer.”
Karen’s jaw dropped, and before she could rant any further, Vanessa made a decision—one that would change the course of the day.
She took a step forward and body-checked Karen with her chest.
Yes. She boob-barged her.
Karen stumbled back, nearly knocking over a display of pastries. “EXCUSE ME?!”
Vanessa just shrugged. “Oops. My boobs have a mind of their own.”
Kate lost it, doubling over in laughter. “Oh my God, Vanessa, you assaulted her with your chest!”
Vanessa grinned. “That was just round one.”
The Boo-barded Rampage Begins
Victim #2: The Creepy Customer
Some guy had been hitting on Kate all week, despite her very obvious discomfort. Today, he tried to slip her his number—again.
“Hey, beautiful, maybe this time you actually call me?”
Before Kate could even reply, Vanessa side-boobed him straight into the counter.
“WHOA!” He flailed, knocking over napkins.
Vanessa smiled sweetly. “Oops. My bad.”
Kate high-fived her. “You are my hero.”
Victim #3: The Tip Jar Thief (Again!)
That same guy who stole their tips last time? He came back.
Vanessa whispered to Kate, “I got this.”
As the thief reached for the jar—BAM! Vanessa boob-smacked him so hard, he fell backward into a chair.
Kate gasped. “That was legendary.”
The guy scrambled to his feet and ran out the door. Without the tip jar.
The Aftermath
By the end of the shift, word had spread: Milo’s Café was home to two broke girls who weaponized their boobs.
Milo walked up to them, rubbing his temples. “Why are customers either scared of you or weirdly impressed?”
Vanessa smirked. “Because we’re innovators.”
Kate shrugged. “And honestly? This is the most fun we’ve had all week.”
Milo sighed. “I should fire you both.”
Kate and Vanessa looked at each other—then boob-bumped Milo at the same time.
He stumbled slightly, then just shook his head. “I’m too old for this.”
As he walked away, Vanessa turned to Kate. “So, do we call this ‘boob-jitsu’ or ‘breast-fu’?”
Kate burst out laughing. “Either way, I think we just created a new form of self-defense.”
Vanessa grinned. “And I say we keep using it.”
They high-fived, officially making boob-barding their new secret weapon.
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